5 ms·

I mean your experiences are your experiences. Yes, there are a lot of people in their late 30s who are nice people. The 40 year old virgin can be a great pers

I mean your experiences are your experiences. Yes, there are a lot of people in their late 30s who are nice people. The 40 year old virgin can be a great person or a terrible person, the guy or girl fucking everything in sight in their youth can be as well. The girl who slept around in her youth isn't doomed to be a bad mother. I'm not hand waving it away "both sides" or "it depends", but you are making huge sweeping generalizations. Even framing it as "bad" vs "good" person is weird to me in this context. Anyway, I agree more with your approach than the actual number. Learn whatever lesson you need to learn and fix it. Be honest about it with your new partner. We all adjust our risk to others based on said factors. Obviously, if you have red flags I'm going to either need more assurance or time, and everybody has the ability to say no for whatever reason. If you told me you stopped fucking everything in sight last week and wanted a monogamous relationship now I'd have my doubts. This isn't license to be stupid.

CuriouslyC 3y ago
40 year old virgin is a huge red flag. That signifies either major mental health/interpersonal issues or living a massively cloistered/religious existence, both of which are undesirable.
- rationalist 3y ago
  It couldn't mean possibly anything else?
  - pohl 3y ago
    I know, right? It could mean anything, like — just as a random, top-of-mind scenario — being in a coma through the ages of 18 to 39.
  - mathteddybear 3y ago
    Of course. It's a movie reference. Very apt in this thread about modern action films where half of the participants opine baits. Then there are near virgins, as the saying went "admittably, it is a pleasure, but the moves are not up to the dignity of a German philosopher"...
- caeril 3y ago
  Some people are just ugly. And physical attractiveness is the number one criterion for partner selection, in both men and women[1]. I agree with you that paraplegics who haven't won any footraces is a huge red flag, Fuck those people. [1] https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/EastwickFinkel2008_JPSP.pdf https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/E...
- Mezzie 3y ago
  I always think this take is interesting. I haven't dated before because I did have major issues. I'm much healthier now, but because I was respectful and opted not to date when I would have been a disaster, I am now an untouchable red flag.
  - CuriouslyC 3y ago
    Truthfully, this is one of those things you just need to not disclose/evade/lie about. You might be 100% better, but there are plenty of people who just get good at putting up a façade, but who revert to old behavior under stress. With a deep dating pool people won't risk it unless they're desperate, you are a huge winner in other ways, or they've gotten to know you pretty well already.
    - Mezzie 3y ago
      Honestly I'd just date women if I dated because lack of experience is way more normal in the gay community for obvious reasons. I just realized around 29-30 that the time had passed for anything having to do with men. (I'm female.) But 'deep dating pool', the homosexual life is not.
    - johnnyanmac 3y ago
      ahh yes, setup a relationship on a lie and close the loop on major interpersonal issues. When in doubt, push the upcoming bursting bottle down to later you.
      - CuriouslyC 3y ago
        I think it's fair to avoid disclosing things that people would be unfairly prejudiced about. For example, Telling someone you're an ex con isn't communicating correctly when it was in your early 20s and you're in your 40s and literally a different person, but they won't be able to not think about it incorrectly.
        johnnyanmac 3y ago

CuriouslyC 3y ago

40 year old virgin is a huge red flag. That signifies either major mental health/interpersonal issues or living a massively cloistered/religious existence, both of which are undesirable.

rationalist 3y ago
It couldn't mean possibly anything else?
- pohl 3y ago
  I know, right? It could mean anything, like — just as a random, top-of-mind scenario — being in a coma through the ages of 18 to 39.
- mathteddybear 3y ago
  Of course. It's a movie reference. Very apt in this thread about modern action films where half of the participants opine baits. Then there are near virgins, as the saying went "admittably, it is a pleasure, but the moves are not up to the dignity of a German philosopher"...
caeril 3y ago
Some people are just ugly. And physical attractiveness is the number one criterion for partner selection, in both men and women[1]. I agree with you that paraplegics who haven't won any footraces is a huge red flag, Fuck those people. [1] https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/EastwickFinkel2008_JPSP.pdf https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/E...
Mezzie 3y ago
I always think this take is interesting. I haven't dated before because I did have major issues. I'm much healthier now, but because I was respectful and opted not to date when I would have been a disaster, I am now an untouchable red flag.
- CuriouslyC 3y ago
  Truthfully, this is one of those things you just need to not disclose/evade/lie about. You might be 100% better, but there are plenty of people who just get good at putting up a façade, but who revert to old behavior under stress. With a deep dating pool people won't risk it unless they're desperate, you are a huge winner in other ways, or they've gotten to know you pretty well already.
  - Mezzie 3y ago
    Honestly I'd just date women if I dated because lack of experience is way more normal in the gay community for obvious reasons. I just realized around 29-30 that the time had passed for anything having to do with men. (I'm female.) But 'deep dating pool', the homosexual life is not.
  - johnnyanmac 3y ago
    ahh yes, setup a relationship on a lie and close the loop on major interpersonal issues. When in doubt, push the upcoming bursting bottle down to later you.
    - CuriouslyC 3y ago
      I think it's fair to avoid disclosing things that people would be unfairly prejudiced about. For example, Telling someone you're an ex con isn't communicating correctly when it was in your early 20s and you're in your 40s and literally a different person, but they won't be able to not think about it incorrectly.
      - johnnyanmac 3y ago