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Well, yes and no. Nobody wants to be that guy marrying a girl who slept around when younger to compensate some issues, 'discover herself' or whatever was the ju

Well, yes and no. Nobody wants to be that guy marrying a girl who slept around when younger to compensate some issues, 'discover herself' or whatever was the justification, if there even was one. I can imagine it should be the same from the other side, but for some reason that's not always the case. Also from health perspective you play statistics game with plethora of bacteria, amoebes and viruses that can easily make you infertile or get a cancer few decades down the road. The thing is, people don't change. They evolve, slowly, over long time as life brings whatever it brings. But bad people don't become good. A guy fucking everything that moves ain't gonna become that dream father of your kids that you can rely on anytime, especially through tough times (and they always come, one of few sure things in life). There can be multiple good reasons why anybody in their late 30s had only 1 or two partners before and they would be a great partner for rest of life. I am struggling to find a single reason how opposite would be considered a good scenario and any kind of advantage, rather just massive warning signs. Personally, I'd say 5-10 and not more. Whatever lesson you need to get from relationships, it will be covered. After that, unless people are not already emotionally dead inside, its just heading in that direction step by step. Everytime you fall in love and breakup, a bit of your heart is not coming back (which is not bad per se, scars tell our stories and should give us some valuable lessons, but those lessons should be learned from). And fucking around for fucking around sake or chasing some numbers nobody cares about is plain immature and stupid. Identify what you are compensating for, fix the underlying problem, there is always one and its usually some unresolved crap from childhood, missing good father figure or similar. Its not great and glorified like some teen movies may make you believe, but pretty consistently a sad picture with all corresponding consequences. You don't have to trust a random internet stranger, over time you will see plenty of this around you in some form as you grow older, just look for it.

ookblah 3y ago
I mean your experiences are your experiences. Yes, there are a lot of people in their late 30s who are nice people. The 40 year old virgin can be a great person or a terrible person, the guy or girl fucking everything in sight in their youth can be as well. The girl who slept around in her youth isn't doomed to be a bad mother. I'm not hand waving it away "both sides" or "it depends", but you are making huge sweeping generalizations. Even framing it as "bad" vs "good" person is weird to me in this context. Anyway, I agree more with your approach than the actual number. Learn whatever lesson you need to learn and fix it. Be honest about it with your new partner. We all adjust our risk to others based on said factors. Obviously, if you have red flags I'm going to either need more assurance or time, and everybody has the ability to say no for whatever reason. If you told me you stopped fucking everything in sight last week and wanted a monogamous relationship now I'd have my doubts. This isn't license to be stupid.
- CuriouslyC 3y ago
  40 year old virgin is a huge red flag. That signifies either major mental health/interpersonal issues or living a massively cloistered/religious existence, both of which are undesirable.
  - rationalist 3y ago
    It couldn't mean possibly anything else?
    - pohl 3y ago
      I know, right? It could mean anything, like — just as a random, top-of-mind scenario — being in a coma through the ages of 18 to 39.
    - mathteddybear 3y ago
      Of course. It's a movie reference. Very apt in this thread about modern action films where half of the participants opine baits. Then there are near virgins, as the saying went "admittably, it is a pleasure, but the moves are not up to the dignity of a German philosopher"...
  - caeril 3y ago
    Some people are just ugly. And physical attractiveness is the number one criterion for partner selection, in both men and women[1]. I agree with you that paraplegics who haven't won any footraces is a huge red flag, Fuck those people. [1] https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/EastwickFinkel2008_JPSP.pdf https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/E...
  - Mezzie 3y ago
    I always think this take is interesting. I haven't dated before because I did have major issues. I'm much healthier now, but because I was respectful and opted not to date when I would have been a disaster, I am now an untouchable red flag.
Gud 3y ago
I partially disagree with your viewpoint. There are many reasons to have had many sexual partners without being an unhealthy individual. Travel for work would be one such example(or even for leisure).
- hef19898 3y ago
  Why do people need an excuse so? Just liking casual sex is fine, no excuse or justification needed whatsoever.
  - Gud 3y ago
    You don’t think having let’s say thousands of sexual partners is an unhealthy behavior? I am not passing judgement, I am saying it’s probably not very wise.
    - hef19898 3y ago
      Unless you have an orgy each weekend, thousands migjt be a tad difficult to achieve. If you do so, well, I don't see why it would be a problem per se, no. Or we talk about sex workers, in which case again, I don't see why it should be a problem. No idea where this fear of STDs is coming from, condoms do exist...
      - mensetmanusman 3y ago
        Condoms aren’t super effective. 0.9^N success rates.
andrepd 3y ago
>Well, yes and no. Nobody wants to be that guy marrying a girl who slept around when younger Sounds like you are just projecting your own issues onto everyone else. Not everyone has hangups with their sexuality. > bad people don't become good. A guy fucking everything that moves ain't gonna become that dream father of your kids You are equating "bad person" = "sleeps around", which tells me everything that I need to know about your views on sex.
- MrMan 3y ago
  yeah this is a very bad incel kind of view by the GP. I want my sexual partners to have had as much experience as they wish, I dont have some weird virgin fetish.
CuriouslyC 3y ago
Having had many partners is bad if it indicates someone has neuroticisms around sex/relationships or has major interpersonal issues that cause relationships not to last. There are people who sleep around and have a lot of relationships who don't enjoy smothering interpersonal closeness just for the sake of it, however if they found the right person they'd make great partners.
tester756 3y ago
>The thing is, people don't change. jezz, what a bullshit. some people do, some dont.

ookblah 3y ago

I mean your experiences are your experiences. Yes, there are a lot of people in their late 30s who are nice people. The 40 year old virgin can be a great person or a terrible person, the guy or girl fucking everything in sight in their youth can be as well. The girl who slept around in her youth isn't doomed to be a bad mother. I'm not hand waving it away "both sides" or "it depends", but you are making huge sweeping generalizations. Even framing it as "bad" vs "good" person is weird to me in this context. Anyway, I agree more with your approach than the actual number. Learn whatever lesson you need to learn and fix it. Be honest about it with your new partner. We all adjust our risk to others based on said factors. Obviously, if you have red flags I'm going to either need more assurance or time, and everybody has the ability to say no for whatever reason. If you told me you stopped fucking everything in sight last week and wanted a monogamous relationship now I'd have my doubts. This isn't license to be stupid.

CuriouslyC 3y ago
40 year old virgin is a huge red flag. That signifies either major mental health/interpersonal issues or living a massively cloistered/religious existence, both of which are undesirable.
- rationalist 3y ago
  It couldn't mean possibly anything else?
  - pohl 3y ago
    I know, right? It could mean anything, like — just as a random, top-of-mind scenario — being in a coma through the ages of 18 to 39.
  - mathteddybear 3y ago
    Of course. It's a movie reference. Very apt in this thread about modern action films where half of the participants opine baits. Then there are near virgins, as the saying went "admittably, it is a pleasure, but the moves are not up to the dignity of a German philosopher"...
- caeril 3y ago
  Some people are just ugly. And physical attractiveness is the number one criterion for partner selection, in both men and women[1]. I agree with you that paraplegics who haven't won any footraces is a huge red flag, Fuck those people. [1] https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/EastwickFinkel2008_JPSP.pdf https://faculty.wcas.northwestern.edu/eli-finkel/documents/E...
- Mezzie 3y ago
  I always think this take is interesting. I haven't dated before because I did have major issues. I'm much healthier now, but because I was respectful and opted not to date when I would have been a disaster, I am now an untouchable red flag.

Gud 3y ago

I partially disagree with your viewpoint. There are many reasons to have had many sexual partners without being an unhealthy individual. Travel for work would be one such example(or even for leisure).

hef19898 3y ago
Why do people need an excuse so? Just liking casual sex is fine, no excuse or justification needed whatsoever.
- Gud 3y ago
  You don’t think having let’s say thousands of sexual partners is an unhealthy behavior? I am not passing judgement, I am saying it’s probably not very wise.
  - hef19898 3y ago
    Unless you have an orgy each weekend, thousands migjt be a tad difficult to achieve. If you do so, well, I don't see why it would be a problem per se, no. Or we talk about sex workers, in which case again, I don't see why it should be a problem. No idea where this fear of STDs is coming from, condoms do exist...
    - mensetmanusman 3y ago
      Condoms aren’t super effective. 0.9^N success rates.

andrepd 3y ago

>Well, yes and no. Nobody wants to be that guy marrying a girl who slept around when younger Sounds like you are just projecting your own issues onto everyone else. Not everyone has hangups with their sexuality. > bad people don't become good. A guy fucking everything that moves ain't gonna become that dream father of your kids You are equating "bad person" = "sleeps around", which tells me everything that I need to know about your views on sex.

MrMan 3y ago
yeah this is a very bad incel kind of view by the GP. I want my sexual partners to have had as much experience as they wish, I dont have some weird virgin fetish.

CuriouslyC 3y ago

Having had many partners is bad if it indicates someone has neuroticisms around sex/relationships or has major interpersonal issues that cause relationships not to last. There are people who sleep around and have a lot of relationships who don't enjoy smothering interpersonal closeness just for the sake of it, however if they found the right person they'd make great partners.

tester756 3y ago

>The thing is, people don't change. jezz, what a bullshit. some people do, some dont.