Where is the $80 6GB Apple Pi and Apple CM (that boots Asshat Linux with a Swift compiler and runs a special edition of Swift Playgrounds for Wayland, but is ot

Where is the $80 6GB Apple Pi and Apple CM (that boots Asshat Linux with a Swift compiler and runs a special edition of Swift Playgrounds for Wayland, but is otherwise blacklisted by Apple's own operating systems --except as a BLE target for iPad)? Looking forward to a little counter in the Apple Stores filled with robocars, flashing LEDs and 16x20" pictures of 10 year old kids holding 25W soldering irons and a placemat filled with SMD components. :)