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I 100% agree with you about that when someone has worked hard to get where they are. But there are people who legit just have a knack for something and it's ea

I 100% agree with you about that when someone has worked hard to get where they are. But there are people who legit just have a knack for something and it's easy. For someone without the skill, both types of people probably look the same. Even though it's a backhanded compliment, take it anyhow. It shows that you do it so well that they can only tell you're really good at it, but nothing about how you go there. It'll probably always sting, but there's no need to let the wound fester. Sorta related: I heard once that it's a lot better (for the child) to tell a child that they worked hard than that they were smart. Saying that it's an innate part of them makes them more likely to slack off and rely on that innate talent, and telling them that they did good work makes them more likely to work hard to make it happen again. It seems such a little thing, but I think it's the same kind of thing that leads to your pet peeve. We should all be complimenting people's accomplishments, rather than their abilities.

saulpw 3y ago
From my experience, that knack is "just" such a love of the field that they are not only willing but compelled to lose themselves in the process. When you can sit for hours trying to figure out some damn bug or playing the same phrase over and over and over or editing your writing to within an inch of its life, you're going to become good at it. You probably won't be the best in the world--there is certainly a gap between Mozart and Salieri--but out of 100 people who have demonstrated brilliant success in the world, 99 of them aren't those preternatural geniuses. "Just" people for whom 10 hours a day of practice is as natural as breathing. And yeah, tell those children they have passion, not talent. Praise their accomplishments as the outcome of exercising their joy, instead of a passive outgrowth of their innate ability.

saulpw 3y ago

From my experience, that knack is "just" such a love of the field that they are not only willing but compelled to lose themselves in the process. When you can sit for hours trying to figure out some damn bug or playing the same phrase over and over and over or editing your writing to within an inch of its life, you're going to become good at it. You probably won't be the best in the world--there is certainly a gap between Mozart and Salieri--but out of 100 people who have demonstrated brilliant success in the world, 99 of them aren't those preternatural geniuses. "Just" people for whom 10 hours a day of practice is as natural as breathing. And yeah, tell those children they have passion, not talent. Praise their accomplishments as the outcome of exercising their joy, instead of a passive outgrowth of their innate ability.