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Dating apps combined with birth control seem to be taking us away from monogamy and towards polygamy. That top 20% of men has no incentive to want to commit to

Dating apps combined with birth control seem to be taking us away from monogamy and towards polygamy. That top 20% of men has no incentive to want to commit to any one woman, so those women are competing in a mostly fruitless quest that may be fun in the short term, but isn't going anywhere. Then when they do eventually lower their standards in a desperate attempt to marry once they hit the biological-clock wall, they may have a hard time settling and being happy with their choice, because they've used to dating "above their means". That's a good recipe for infidelity and/or divorce. Meanwhile 80% of men are mostly ignored until eventually some desperate woman is willing to lower their standard and settle for them. Modern dating seems insane, I don't see how that's good for either men or women. But what do I know. Edit: If you disagree, say why.

samtho 3y ago
I did not downvote, mainly because I don’t think the downvote button means “disagree” but there are some statements you make that probably resulted in a “yikes” for more then a few people. > Then when they do eventually lower their standards in a desperate attempt to marry once they hit the biological-clock wall, they may have a hard time settling and being happy with their choice, because they've used to dating "above their means. That's a good recipe for infidelity and/or divorce. This is both reductionist and sexist, drawing a sweeping conclusion that women are both incapable and unaware of the dynamic: they are just as aware as guys are, if not more. Additionally, there is the assumption that all women want to have kids and that settling down quickly after lowering their standards leads to incompatibility. The other part of this that rubbed me the wrong way (which may or may not have been intentional on your part) is that you grouped infidelity and divorce as equally undesirable, implying this to be a moral argument rather than a practical argument of compatibility. But I also acknowledge that I may have simply read too much into it. > Meanwhile 80% of men are mostly ignored until eventually some desperate woman is willing to lower their standard and settle for them. This is also a bit reductionist, but there is a good reason why a good chunk of men are ignored. Some of them absolutely suck at providing information to a prospective partner. Those with poor photos and bland bios will be passed over quickly because women likely have a hundred more to choose from. These men will likely be stuck on the platform with few matches and lack the introspection to realize that their profile might be a turn off.
- slashdev 3y ago
  > This is both reductionist and sexist, drawing a sweeping conclusion that women are both incapable and unaware of the dynamic: they are just as aware as guys are, if not more. To be fair, I'm generalizing here, so replace every instance of man or woman with "most men" or "most women". Most women do want kids. I also think most women are oblivious to the dynamic. Or at least they mostly behave as if they were oblivious to it. Maybe most people in general. Your experience may vary. > Additionally, there is the assumption that all women want to have kids and that settling down quickly after lowering their standards leads to incompatibility. Good point, I think it probably does the opposite. But there still has to be some feeling on the woman's part that she settled or dated down. Maybe that goes away over time if she's happy with her choice? > The other part of this that rubbed me the wrong way (which may or may not have been intentional on your part) is that you grouped infidelity and divorce as equally undesirable I don't know about equally, but they're both undesirable. That is a moral argument, but I imagine most people would agree. > This is also a bit reductionist, but there is a good reason why a good chunk of men are ignored. Some of them absolutely suck at providing information to a prospective partner. Those with poor photos and bland bios will be passed over quickly because women likely have a hundred more to choose from. Women post poor photos as often as men do. No, this is coming from the statistics that almost all the dates go to the top percentile of men. If you're in that group, it's a non-stop party. For the rest, it's crickets. I am being reductionist here, because I'm generalizing, I have to. And I am pointing out some differences between men and women, but those are real differences, not sexism.
foogazi 3y ago
Not everything that you think is real Just let people be and do your own thing Hookup culture is there for those that want it
- slashdev 3y ago
  The future will take care of itself man, pass the reefer. Your comment doesn't add anything to the discussion. That some people may opt into "hookup culture" does not mean it's good for them in the long-term. I'll still defend their right to make that decision for themselves though.

samtho 3y ago

I did not downvote, mainly because I don’t think the downvote button means “disagree” but there are some statements you make that probably resulted in a “yikes” for more then a few people. > Then when they do eventually lower their standards in a desperate attempt to marry once they hit the biological-clock wall, they may have a hard time settling and being happy with their choice, because they've used to dating "above their means. That's a good recipe for infidelity and/or divorce. This is both reductionist and sexist, drawing a sweeping conclusion that women are both incapable and unaware of the dynamic: they are just as aware as guys are, if not more. Additionally, there is the assumption that all women want to have kids and that settling down quickly after lowering their standards leads to incompatibility. The other part of this that rubbed me the wrong way (which may or may not have been intentional on your part) is that you grouped infidelity and divorce as equally undesirable, implying this to be a moral argument rather than a practical argument of compatibility. But I also acknowledge that I may have simply read too much into it. > Meanwhile 80% of men are mostly ignored until eventually some desperate woman is willing to lower their standard and settle for them. This is also a bit reductionist, but there is a good reason why a good chunk of men are ignored. Some of them absolutely suck at providing information to a prospective partner. Those with poor photos and bland bios will be passed over quickly because women likely have a hundred more to choose from. These men will likely be stuck on the platform with few matches and lack the introspection to realize that their profile might be a turn off.

slashdev 3y ago
> This is both reductionist and sexist, drawing a sweeping conclusion that women are both incapable and unaware of the dynamic: they are just as aware as guys are, if not more. To be fair, I'm generalizing here, so replace every instance of man or woman with "most men" or "most women". Most women do want kids. I also think most women are oblivious to the dynamic. Or at least they mostly behave as if they were oblivious to it. Maybe most people in general. Your experience may vary. > Additionally, there is the assumption that all women want to have kids and that settling down quickly after lowering their standards leads to incompatibility. Good point, I think it probably does the opposite. But there still has to be some feeling on the woman's part that she settled or dated down. Maybe that goes away over time if she's happy with her choice? > The other part of this that rubbed me the wrong way (which may or may not have been intentional on your part) is that you grouped infidelity and divorce as equally undesirable I don't know about equally, but they're both undesirable. That is a moral argument, but I imagine most people would agree. > This is also a bit reductionist, but there is a good reason why a good chunk of men are ignored. Some of them absolutely suck at providing information to a prospective partner. Those with poor photos and bland bios will be passed over quickly because women likely have a hundred more to choose from. Women post poor photos as often as men do. No, this is coming from the statistics that almost all the dates go to the top percentile of men. If you're in that group, it's a non-stop party. For the rest, it's crickets. I am being reductionist here, because I'm generalizing, I have to. And I am pointing out some differences between men and women, but those are real differences, not sexism.

foogazi 3y ago

Not everything that you think is real Just let people be and do your own thing Hookup culture is there for those that want it

slashdev 3y ago
The future will take care of itself man, pass the reefer. Your comment doesn't add anything to the discussion. That some people may opt into "hookup culture" does not mean it's good for them in the long-term. I'll still defend their right to make that decision for themselves though.