6 ms·

Ask HN: How to Get Back in Life?

11 points by nullptr_deref 3y ago

What would you suggest a person who is in mid twenties, lost all their confidence, and has almost given up on being productive?

mydriasis 3y ago
You have so much time. You have so much time. Take a deep breath. There's still time to move forward.
- AnimalMuppet 3y ago
  Off topic: The posts in this thread are solid - both wise and compassionate. Often I feel like HN has degraded from what it was. Threads like this make me remember why HN is so cool - people taking the time to give really thoughtful, helpful comments.
night-rider 3y ago
Sounds like burnout. Here's a few articles which may help: https://kierantie.com/a/burnout https://kierantie.com/a/burnout https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/05/smarter-living/workplace-burnout-symptoms.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/05/smarter-living/workplace-... https://muddylemon.com/2011/05/27/depression-burn-out-and-writing-code/ https://muddylemon.com/2011/05/27/depression-burn-out-and-wr...
- inconfident2021 3y ago
  I haven't started my career yet. :(
rossdavidh 3y ago
More details would help. But, in general, when trying to solve a very big problem, it helps to break it into several small problems, and start solving them instead.
- inconfident2021 3y ago
  Ruined bachelors. Ruined masters. Mid profile. No potential to be hired. Zero confidence in skills. Bad resume. Bad language skills. Horrible ego.
  - JimtheCoder 3y ago
    You can start by changing the narrative you tell yourself. No one said self narratives have to be 100% true..
71a54xd 3y ago
I sat down and started tracking all of my time. Specifically anything productive in my day. I set goals and went from depressed / burnt out barely breaking 14hrs a week to over 50 now. Progress is slow, it feels like I'm behind my peers both in terms of skill and $$ but progress feels okay for now. I'm nearing my 30s and it sucks but progress is all you can work towards - understanding what you really want is important. I realized I wanted nothing to do with the "game" being played by my friends in New York so I left, got over it and I'm much happier now.
whats_a_quasar 3y ago
What are your most pressing problems? Do you have enough food, shelter, and money to carry you through the next few months? If not, that's probably the first goal. Do you have an income, from steady work or from another source, that allows you to maintain a basic standard of living? If not, that's probably the second goal. Do you have an income, but your job sucks, is unfulfilling, or you want a higher standard of living? Changing your work or primary activities for more money or more fulfillment is probably your third goal. Do you have enough people in your life to meet your emotional needs? Do you have some creative outlet or spiritual practice? If not, finding some sort of fulfillment is probably your last goal. 4/4 is quite hard to do! Start with where you are now, and try to make whatever progress you can. If you've got physical health problems, you've gotta do what you can with those, and if you've got dependents you've got to take care of them too as best you can. Last, the way you phrased things sounds similar to the way that people in who are depressed talk. So I'm going to go out on a limb: Depression fucking sucks in ways that people who haven't been depressed struggle to understand. If you're depressed things are going to be harder and take way longer than you'd like. But most people who get depressed are not depressed forever. Most depression comes in episodes that eventually lift. Many who get depressed are able to eventually build fulfilling and happy lives. There's hope. If you're in the pits you might not be capable of feeling hope right now, but it is there, and it is possible for things to get better.
- inconfident2021 3y ago
  The framework looks solid! My pressing issue is I will not have stable source of income in near future. The sad episode kicked in because of the current market. I have no experience to show, no remarkable achievements, no cool projects, and everything is vanilla. This process spiraled downward to current stage. Also graduation is taking longer than I expected.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  - whats_a_quasar 3y ago
    What sort of program are you in? If you're close to graduating something, then you at a minimum have some classwork to your name. If you graduate, you'll have a degree or some other credential to your name too. Meeting the graduation requirements and getting the degree is probably the most important thing to do. Since this is HN I'm guessing it's something IT or STEM related, and you are applying for jobs. Getting a first job is hard, but you're in the situation you're in with the resources you've got now, so the only thing you can do is work with the situation you're in. I would continue applying for the sort of work you're already applying to, while finishing the requirements to graduate. Consider relaxing your criteria for type of work, prestige, or geography. If you are not getting interviews, have someone review your resume or increase your volume of applications. If you aren't getting callbacks from interviews, try to figure out why. Your other option is to find work in an unrelated field, either before or after graduation. That can be a good thing to do just to get some money in the door, and to keep yourself busy doing anything. Bonus points if you're around other people doing it. The downside is that it takes time away from graduation or job applications within your field.

11 points by nullptr_deref 3y ago

What would you suggest a person who is in mid twenties, lost all their confidence, and has almost given up on being productive?

mydriasis 3y ago

You have so much time. You have so much time. Take a deep breath. There's still time to move forward.

AnimalMuppet 3y ago
Off topic: The posts in this thread are solid - both wise and compassionate. Often I feel like HN has degraded from what it was. Threads like this make me remember why HN is so cool - people taking the time to give really thoughtful, helpful comments.

night-rider 3y ago

Sounds like burnout. Here's a few articles which may help: https://kierantie.com/a/burnout https://kierantie.com/a/burnout https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/05/smarter-living/workplace-burnout-symptoms.html https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/05/smarter-living/workplace-... https://muddylemon.com/2011/05/27/depression-burn-out-and-writing-code/ https://muddylemon.com/2011/05/27/depression-burn-out-and-wr...

inconfident2021 3y ago
I haven't started my career yet. :(

rossdavidh 3y ago

More details would help. But, in general, when trying to solve a very big problem, it helps to break it into several small problems, and start solving them instead.

inconfident2021 3y ago
Ruined bachelors. Ruined masters. Mid profile. No potential to be hired. Zero confidence in skills. Bad resume. Bad language skills. Horrible ego.
- JimtheCoder 3y ago
  You can start by changing the narrative you tell yourself. No one said self narratives have to be 100% true..

71a54xd 3y ago

I sat down and started tracking all of my time. Specifically anything productive in my day. I set goals and went from depressed / burnt out barely breaking 14hrs a week to over 50 now. Progress is slow, it feels like I'm behind my peers both in terms of skill and $$ but progress feels okay for now. I'm nearing my 30s and it sucks but progress is all you can work towards - understanding what you really want is important. I realized I wanted nothing to do with the "game" being played by my friends in New York so I left, got over it and I'm much happier now.

whats_a_quasar 3y ago

What are your most pressing problems? Do you have enough food, shelter, and money to carry you through the next few months? If not, that's probably the first goal. Do you have an income, from steady work or from another source, that allows you to maintain a basic standard of living? If not, that's probably the second goal. Do you have an income, but your job sucks, is unfulfilling, or you want a higher standard of living? Changing your work or primary activities for more money or more fulfillment is probably your third goal. Do you have enough people in your life to meet your emotional needs? Do you have some creative outlet or spiritual practice? If not, finding some sort of fulfillment is probably your last goal. 4/4 is quite hard to do! Start with where you are now, and try to make whatever progress you can. If you've got physical health problems, you've gotta do what you can with those, and if you've got dependents you've got to take care of them too as best you can. Last, the way you phrased things sounds similar to the way that people in who are depressed talk. So I'm going to go out on a limb: Depression fucking sucks in ways that people who haven't been depressed struggle to understand. If you're depressed things are going to be harder and take way longer than you'd like. But most people who get depressed are not depressed forever. Most depression comes in episodes that eventually lift. Many who get depressed are able to eventually build fulfilling and happy lives. There's hope. If you're in the pits you might not be capable of feeling hope right now, but it is there, and it is possible for things to get better.

inconfident2021 3y ago
The framework looks solid! My pressing issue is I will not have stable source of income in near future. The sad episode kicked in because of the current market. I have no experience to show, no remarkable achievements, no cool projects, and everything is vanilla. This process spiraled downward to current stage. Also graduation is taking longer than I expected.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- whats_a_quasar 3y ago
  What sort of program are you in? If you're close to graduating something, then you at a minimum have some classwork to your name. If you graduate, you'll have a degree or some other credential to your name too. Meeting the graduation requirements and getting the degree is probably the most important thing to do. Since this is HN I'm guessing it's something IT or STEM related, and you are applying for jobs. Getting a first job is hard, but you're in the situation you're in with the resources you've got now, so the only thing you can do is work with the situation you're in. I would continue applying for the sort of work you're already applying to, while finishing the requirements to graduate. Consider relaxing your criteria for type of work, prestige, or geography. If you are not getting interviews, have someone review your resume or increase your volume of applications. If you aren't getting callbacks from interviews, try to figure out why. Your other option is to find work in an unrelated field, either before or after graduation. That can be a good thing to do just to get some money in the door, and to keep yourself busy doing anything. Bonus points if you're around other people doing it. The downside is that it takes time away from graduation or job applications within your field.