4 ms·

I’m am bipolar and neurodivergent doesn’t even scratch the surface. Hypomanic episodes are expensive because I have barely any impulse control. No amount of def

I’m am bipolar and neurodivergent doesn’t even scratch the surface. Hypomanic episodes are expensive because I have barely any impulse control. No amount of defense in depth can stop me from getting access to money. I have to use a different strategy: I prepare for these episodes months in advance. I needed a new car, so I set myself up to be fixated on a new Prius when the episode got bad. Nothing less than new would do because I wouldn’t have the presence of mind to vet a used one. This put a hard limit on the financial damage. The highest trim Prius with all of the options is cheaper that many other cars I could have bought. The end result was a car $10,000 over my maximum budget. It has far too many buttons, but it didn’t ruin me and I love the car. All in all, a successfully managed episode. This is one of hundreds of problems I deal with and plan for.

HWR_14 3y ago
Can you not get some trusted 3rd party (I assume a lawyer or accountant is the professional option) to limit you. Legally prevent you, for instance, from spending X (or borrowing money) on a car?
- kayodelycaon 3y ago
  I knew someone would suggest that. :) It’s a really bad idea. I’m perfectly willing and highly motivated to destroy relationships to get that money. Think heroin addict. Instead, I save around 25% of every paycheck on top of retirement plans. This gives me a large buffer against episodes. It’s also split across multiple banks. I only use a single account and the others sit for months without a transaction. I don’t have checks or high limit cards for the others to delay access to their full amount. This is exactly the right amount of friction to keep them safe. It’s there, it’s mine, it can be available if I can wait a day. I can’t wait a day. The results speak for themselves: 1. My credit score is over 800 2. My only loans are a house and car. 3. I’ve never failed to pay my credit card off in full each month. As a side note, people see this and think I’m not that bad. They are wrong. Very wrong. I am simply extremely good at masking and compensating. According to my psychiatrist, I’m a fairly severe case despite being easy to treat.
  - HWR_14 3y ago
    I understand the benefit of preventing future you from fucking up your life. I'm glad you found a solution with the right amount of friction. And, I'm sorry to repeat myself, but isn't it possible that you go to a third party professional (e.g. a lawyer) whose relationship with you can melt down and it would be fine because the specific boundary would be legally enforced. Or would the resentment build and you would just buy a second car (or house!) as soon as you are free of their strictures. Sure, you destroy the relationship, but there are more lawyers for the next time. Once again, congrats on having a solution!
    - kayodelycaon 3y ago
      I have no energy to spare to set it up, much less maintain that solution. Each step of the process requires significant activation energy and unless I finish every step with no delays, it will not be restarted for months. My brain is incredibly unreliable. There are very few things I can force myself to do. Unless a routine task is more important than work or my twice a month D&D game, it won’t be done on time, if it gets done at all. That includes cooking, showering, housework, car maintenance, etc. Reminders for these things will be ignored. Todo lists will be ignored.
      - HWR_14 3y ago
        Can I ask how you described the situation to a therapist? And how long did it take you to get up the energy to go to one?

HWR_14 3y ago

Can you not get some trusted 3rd party (I assume a lawyer or accountant is the professional option) to limit you. Legally prevent you, for instance, from spending X (or borrowing money) on a car?

kayodelycaon 3y ago
I knew someone would suggest that. :) It’s a really bad idea. I’m perfectly willing and highly motivated to destroy relationships to get that money. Think heroin addict. Instead, I save around 25% of every paycheck on top of retirement plans. This gives me a large buffer against episodes. It’s also split across multiple banks. I only use a single account and the others sit for months without a transaction. I don’t have checks or high limit cards for the others to delay access to their full amount. This is exactly the right amount of friction to keep them safe. It’s there, it’s mine, it can be available if I can wait a day. I can’t wait a day. The results speak for themselves: 1. My credit score is over 800 2. My only loans are a house and car. 3. I’ve never failed to pay my credit card off in full each month. As a side note, people see this and think I’m not that bad. They are wrong. Very wrong. I am simply extremely good at masking and compensating. According to my psychiatrist, I’m a fairly severe case despite being easy to treat.
- HWR_14 3y ago
  I understand the benefit of preventing future you from fucking up your life. I'm glad you found a solution with the right amount of friction. And, I'm sorry to repeat myself, but isn't it possible that you go to a third party professional (e.g. a lawyer) whose relationship with you can melt down and it would be fine because the specific boundary would be legally enforced. Or would the resentment build and you would just buy a second car (or house!) as soon as you are free of their strictures. Sure, you destroy the relationship, but there are more lawyers for the next time. Once again, congrats on having a solution!
  - kayodelycaon 3y ago
    I have no energy to spare to set it up, much less maintain that solution. Each step of the process requires significant activation energy and unless I finish every step with no delays, it will not be restarted for months. My brain is incredibly unreliable. There are very few things I can force myself to do. Unless a routine task is more important than work or my twice a month D&D game, it won’t be done on time, if it gets done at all. That includes cooking, showering, housework, car maintenance, etc. Reminders for these things will be ignored. Todo lists will be ignored.
    - HWR_14 3y ago
      Can I ask how you described the situation to a therapist? And how long did it take you to get up the energy to go to one?