4 ms·

After my startup failed and I broke up with my girlfriend, my cognition massively changed: I was less creative, less quick, and I could see it reduce my ability

After my startup failed and I broke up with my girlfriend, my cognition massively changed: I was less creative, less quick, and I could see it reduce my ability to code. Otherwise, I lost libido, had paranoia in social interaction, and alcohol or marijuana would cause me paranoia. When I would ride my motorcycle on curvy roads, or when I would play a racing game or read a book, I couldn't get into a flow anymore. Thinking about activities would stress me to the point that I would avoid doing anything. After a number of years I feel normal, and I think it was due primarily to finding and sticking to a routine. The routine involves little things like watering plants and making coffee, and I just do them every day without thinking. Otherwise it includes exercise, sleep, chores, work, and procrastination.

grumblehound 3y ago
I recently quit my dev job because it was too stressful and I was burning out. I seemed to almost instantly get better at thrashing my motorbike in the twisties... I'm not sure why exactly but it feels like a weight was lifted and it just allowed me to focus and enjoy being in the moment a bit more.
painted-now 3y ago
I had to finish up my PhD while already working at a FAANG. My professor would keep stacking more stuff that he wanted to have in my thesis. It was a horrible time and I think I was very close to a burnout. One thing that I later noticed was that I e.g. couldn't enjoy any music anymore. I always used to be able to be absolutely amazed by some tracks and dance to it at home - but during that time there was just nothing.
Tycho 3y ago
That sounds like textbook depression (although you didn’t mention feeling down explicitly). During that time, is there any chance you weren’t eating enough? Did you lose weight?
- bendbro 3y ago
  Yeah, I found too I wasn't eating enough. I estimates I was eating around 1500-2000 calories regularly and I never really felt hungry. Once I started forcing myself to eat larger meals I felt a lot better and started feeling hunger again.
inconceivable 3y ago
fyi, this can happen in a successful startup/business also. this happened to me when i was stressed out of my mind and stuck doing work i hate for customers i didn't want after 10 years of running a biz. it took a breakup, a sale of the business, and nearly 2 years of doing nothing until i recovered. fwiw, the biggest takeaways the whole thing taught me are 1. be careful of what you wish for and 2. both attractive women and customers want outcomes, they don't give a shit about your problems and 3. never forego vacations/holidays for work. as for me, well - you know how the saying goes - it's always darkest before the dawn, and life is good now. for the time being. but i know that if i wake up one day and i'm feeling like a fucking pack mule for people who don't appreciate me, it's time for a massive rapid change, without the period of suffering this time.
- ilteris 3y ago
  This is a refreshing comment to see here. Thank you.
- bendbro 3y ago
  > it's time for a massive rapid change, without the period of suffering this time I massively agree, though I will make the mistake of staying for money again. Whenever I see I can work 3 years at A for every 1 year at B, I can't stomach the loss.

grumblehound 3y ago

I recently quit my dev job because it was too stressful and I was burning out. I seemed to almost instantly get better at thrashing my motorbike in the twisties... I'm not sure why exactly but it feels like a weight was lifted and it just allowed me to focus and enjoy being in the moment a bit more.

painted-now 3y ago

I had to finish up my PhD while already working at a FAANG. My professor would keep stacking more stuff that he wanted to have in my thesis. It was a horrible time and I think I was very close to a burnout. One thing that I later noticed was that I e.g. couldn't enjoy any music anymore. I always used to be able to be absolutely amazed by some tracks and dance to it at home - but during that time there was just nothing.

Tycho 3y ago

That sounds like textbook depression (although you didn’t mention feeling down explicitly). During that time, is there any chance you weren’t eating enough? Did you lose weight?

bendbro 3y ago
Yeah, I found too I wasn't eating enough. I estimates I was eating around 1500-2000 calories regularly and I never really felt hungry. Once I started forcing myself to eat larger meals I felt a lot better and started feeling hunger again.

inconceivable 3y ago

fyi, this can happen in a successful startup/business also. this happened to me when i was stressed out of my mind and stuck doing work i hate for customers i didn't want after 10 years of running a biz. it took a breakup, a sale of the business, and nearly 2 years of doing nothing until i recovered. fwiw, the biggest takeaways the whole thing taught me are 1. be careful of what you wish for and 2. both attractive women and customers want outcomes, they don't give a shit about your problems and 3. never forego vacations/holidays for work. as for me, well - you know how the saying goes - it's always darkest before the dawn, and life is good now. for the time being. but i know that if i wake up one day and i'm feeling like a fucking pack mule for people who don't appreciate me, it's time for a massive rapid change, without the period of suffering this time.

ilteris 3y ago
This is a refreshing comment to see here. Thank you.
bendbro 3y ago
> it's time for a massive rapid change, without the period of suffering this time I massively agree, though I will make the mistake of staying for money again. Whenever I see I can work 3 years at A for every 1 year at B, I can't stomach the loss.