I myself am a happy person. I can enjoy watching the void. Seriously, I can waste time like that and be completely happy. But it makes me kinda sad when I real

I myself am a happy person. I can enjoy watching the void. Seriously, I can waste time like that and be completely happy. But it makes me kinda sad when I realize that I need to be responsible. Because of the external factor it forces me out of my comfort. As a result, these external stuffs makes me regret the time I enjoyed when I was staring to the void.