My suggestion then is to scale down the surface area so it is a single landing page, hire someone to code that page up, and split test that against your "ugly"

My suggestion then is to scale down the surface area so it is a single landing page, hire someone to code that page up, and split test that against your "ugly" equivalent. I would bet that it's not the aesthetics, it might be the messaging or targeting or value prop - but all you see are the aesthetics and WYSIATI.