2 ms·

> Relationships are like education: If it doesn't challenge you and change your believes it is probably not the real thing. However, compatibility is also impo

by bsder 3y ago

> Relationships are like education: If it doesn't challenge you and change your believes it is probably not the real thing. However, compatibility is also important. You can't be too different or there is no common ground or reason to continue. I would argue that the larger problem is: What does a man or woman get out of a relationship with another, nowadays? Part of the past was being bored. Relationships with others was a way to alleviate that. We don't need others to alleviate our boredom nowadays. Part of the past was greater security of being in a pair. Simply pairing up doesn't automatically help nowadays. Almost all relationships are superficial and doomed. You have to wade through those to get to the good ones. However, to the inexperienced today, there doesn't look like a lot of reason to go through the grief as alternatives are far less work.

NoPicklez 3y ago
A lot of the things you have mentioned, I fail to see how that's not still not the same today. Particularly the part around security, nowadays it is almost a necessity to be in a couple in order to afford a home. Couples still afford significant financial security, even more than before in my opinion given the cost of living. Boredom, well who's not to say that people weren't bored decades ago?
atoav 3y ago
Compatibility is very important, but I don't think these days there are many people who — like in the days of old — would cling to a relationship no matter what. Nowadays the much more predominant phenomenom is people who never ever get over the first hump, which every healthy relationship faces sooner or later. Instead of facing the conflict, having some painful (but ultimately very important) realizations and overcoming it together, they tend to chalk it down to just not being compatible and never hav to question themselves. I know people who managed to have 10+ relationships like that, and I xan tell you that the issue wasn't "compatibility", the issue was they hid when the reality of a relationship confronted them with themselves. The problem with that is, that unless you face it, you will never have an healthy relationship. You might have a long lasting one, if your partner is willing and able to swallow a lot, but it won't be healthy. The only question is how to tell if one is incompatible for real, or it is a issue that can (and ahould!) be overcome.

by bsder 3y ago

NoPicklez 3y ago

A lot of the things you have mentioned, I fail to see how that's not still not the same today. Particularly the part around security, nowadays it is almost a necessity to be in a couple in order to afford a home. Couples still afford significant financial security, even more than before in my opinion given the cost of living. Boredom, well who's not to say that people weren't bored decades ago?

atoav 3y ago

Compatibility is very important, but I don't think these days there are many people who — like in the days of old — would cling to a relationship no matter what. Nowadays the much more predominant phenomenom is people who never ever get over the first hump, which every healthy relationship faces sooner or later. Instead of facing the conflict, having some painful (but ultimately very important) realizations and overcoming it together, they tend to chalk it down to just not being compatible and never hav to question themselves. I know people who managed to have 10+ relationships like that, and I xan tell you that the issue wasn't "compatibility", the issue was they hid when the reality of a relationship confronted them with themselves. The problem with that is, that unless you face it, you will never have an healthy relationship. You might have a long lasting one, if your partner is willing and able to swallow a lot, but it won't be healthy. The only question is how to tell if one is incompatible for real, or it is a issue that can (and ahould!) be overcome.