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All female software devs reading this just got extremely uncomfortable, and this comment chain no doubt brings up childhood body image issues — issues that men

All female software devs reading this just got extremely uncomfortable, and this comment chain no doubt brings up childhood body image issues — issues that men can’t know what it’s like. I point this out from the sidelines in case any thoughtful devs reading this might want to reflect on their behavior. It wasn’t till I married one that I started to reevaluate mine.

Dalewyn 3y ago
>childhood body image issues — issues that men can’t know what it’s like. Excuse me? Men have their own flavor of stereotypical body images foisted upon them: Macho, six-packs, muscular arms, upside-down triangular back, etc. For what it's worth though, men seem to care significantly less about body image than women do. Food for thought.
- sillysaurusx 3y ago
  While it’s true that men have body image issues, when’s the last time you’ve seen them objectified the way a woman was in this thread? That might happen too, but not with the same frequency or casualness. Worse, men tend to refuse to believe it’s a problem, and file it in the nonsense bucket. One of the primary roadblocks for women getting into tech is that they’re not encouraged to the same way men are. And once they do, they constantly worry if they’re being treated specially just because they’re a woman — and if they don’t, they wonder if they would’ve gotten in if they looked just a little bit prettier. I’m relaying this from a woman who refuses to participate on HN (for so many reasons). Men seem to like this dynamic we’ve cultivated here. I liked it myself. But those of you who care about equality should take a hard look at our behavior and how we express ourselves.
  - Dalewyn 3y ago
    >While it’s true that men have body image issues, when’s the last time you’ve seen them objectified the way a woman was in this thread? Literally any time I've seen women talk about what they like/want from men? Go take a stroll through any NSFW r/AskReddit thread, plenty to see in there from both sides of the chamber! >Worse, men tend to refuse to believe it’s a problem, and file it in the nonsense bucket. Concerns about body image are nearly always problems stemming from oneself. If you don't think it's a problem, it's really not a problem. Who cares if you've got a beer belly? Life's better handled lightly, women might do well to take a page. >One of the primary roadblocks for women getting into tech is that they’re not encouraged to the same way men are. If you need outside encouragement above and beyond to get into something, I would question if it's something suited for you at all first. Tech isn't for everyone, much like any other subject of interest. Also, a lot of tech nerds get into tech out of their own interest and volition, and lest we forget it was only fairly recently that being a techie became cool and attractive rather than unsexy and stigmatized. >And once they do, they constantly worry if they’re being treated specially just because they’re a woman — and if they don’t, they wonder if they would’ve gotten in if they looked just a little bit prettier. Why does it matter so much what anyone else thinks of you as an individual? If you ask me, women bring about a lot of peer judgment upon themselves because they are so concerned about what others think of them all the time. Men care to a far lesser degree, and consequently there simply isn't as much judging of peers to be bothered by. In its place is judging each others' character and merit, whether we can do the jobs and face the challenges presented to us. If you can do your job with excellence and make people smile, who cares if you've got a beer belly or flabby arms? >I’m relaying this from a woman who refuses to participate on HN (for so many reasons). Men seem to like this dynamic we’ve cultivated here. I liked it myself. But those of you who care about equality should take a hard look at our behavior and how we express ourselves. I agree that men generally prefer spaces without women to remain womenless, I'm also one of them. However, if women want to join and they can demonstrate their worth (and not destroy the space, which is the chief concern from the men) I certainly won't stop them. Some women also seem to take pride in creating women-only spaces to counteract certain notions of patriarchy, which is honestly the kettle calling the pot black and doesn't resolve anything.
    - sillysaurusx 3y ago
      Your comment is pretty thoughtful, so I’d like to respond in kind. One difference is that we rarely gain or lose jobs based on how we look. Another difference is that if we were to try to make a living by being a sex worker, we’d find that our income is much less than women, precisely because of the demand for a certain type of body. This realization is the essence of body image issues; to know that no matter what you do, you probably won’t achieve a certain thing in life unless you look a certain way. Worse, the question being ever present in the back of your mind will always get to you, no matter how much you try to shrug it off. I note that this thread started out with a comparison of astrology to racism, and everybody seemed to buy into that. Is it so hard to believe that we’re just as guilty of our own flaws? It’s easy to make fun of a woman who believes the stars predict your future, but we should at least check whether we’re fostering a culture that can predict very accurately whether an ambitious young woman might want to join us as developers. The answer right now tends to be no, and I’m skeptical it’s because their interests are different.
      - Dalewyn 3y ago
        I absolutely agree that looks play a role in how our lives can play out, our (and more broadly between men and women) disagreement is to what extent they play a role and consequently to what extent someone should care about their own looks. I also agree that certain occupations will no doubt place additional biases concerning one's looks. Anyone in the service industry will likely find themselves performing better if they satisfy a certain standard of appearance, in addition to things like mannerism and personality. But we are talking within the context of the tech industry, the jobs of which often find us staring at monitors and screens and clacking away on keyboards more than we do staring at each other. What we can achieve with our craft plays a bigger role than what we look like, here. One's looks has no bearing upon the quality of the code we write, after all, for example. >I note that this thread started out with a comparison of astrology to racism, and everybody seemed to buy into that. I actually disagree with that comparison because I want to believe words still hold meaning. Racism is discrimination, and astrology used as a way to judge someone is also discrimination. Discrimination is never okay. But to call astrology racism only demonstrates one's lack of linguistic understanding. We would also ignore how astrology by itself is just another fun pastime. Making fun of someone who's engaging in astrology is bad because you're making fun of someone who's just enjoying their time. Both men and women would naturally lean towards not mingling with people who don't respect their time and passions.
simbolit 3y ago
> childhood body image issues — issues that men can’t know what it’s like Thanks for negating my childhood experiences, much appreciated.
- sillysaurusx 3y ago
  I think it’s worth explicitly comparing our childhood issues. It took a long time to come to terms with the fact that it’s just nothing close to what women go through. It’s horrible in its own way. But women are judged for the rest of their lives, in exactly the ways this thread illustrates. When have you ever wondered if your body was the reason you did or didn’t get a job? It’s one thing for image issues to impact your self esteem. It’s quite another for them to be the central focus of your life. The makeup industry is massive precisely because of this double standard. If that negates a few of our childhood experiences, perhaps we should try to get comfortable with that. The fact that we think we’re special and that we have it just as bad is part of the problem.
  - simbolit 3y ago
    What the h*ll do you know about my life? Nothing.
    - sillysaurusx 3y ago
      That’s true, and I don’t mean to downplay your experiences. This is more of me trying to convince you that it’s okay to feel angry and hurt without it taking away from other peoples’ experiences. It doesn’t have to be a you-or-them phenomenon. All I’m saying is that it pervades womens’ lives more. They have to deal with it constantly, every day. If you have any trans friends, I’d encourage you to ask them about it, since the issues are doubly magnified. That was one of the stepping stones that let me start to believe that women have it much worse than men, even if our experiences are also awful. Either way though, I hope you have a nice week, and I’m sorry if my comment brought up some trauma.
      - civilitty 3y ago
hombre_fatal 3y ago
If an HN comment is how a female software dev learned that hot people are treated better, then this is the easiest way to learn that lesson and they should say thank you. But this “think of the women!” hall monitoring has to be worse than whatever violation against women you thought you read in this thread. Are you sure this imaginary audience of female software devs isn’t made uncomfortable by your sort of comment about how we can’t even talk casually about human experience lest they feel uncomfy on HN?
- sillysaurusx 3y ago
  Quite certain. The fact that you’d call them imaginary is simply … mistaken, to put it lightly. I recommend asking some actual women how they feel about it. Feel free to link them to this subthread. But since you’re certain they’re imaginary, I imagine you’ve already done so and found it to be true, right? This kind of attitude has no place in our industry, and it’ll be lovely when the social tides shift just a little bit more to filter it out. Imagine looking a black engineer straight in the eye and saying that it’s good they learned the lesson that people treat you differently based on your skin color, as if it’s a favor to them that we taught them that.
  - hombre_fatal 3y ago
    > ask some actual women Just asked my girlfriend and two sisters about your comment and they said it was cringe. Maybe it’s time you start a poll to double check your (and my) assumptions about the frailty of women when reading online chit chat? Especially with something as basic as being more agreeable with people you want to fuck, something women do too.
    - sillysaurusx 3y ago
      Are they into software? I’m sitting right next to one who is. She’s my wife. Women outside of tech are entitled to their opinion. But if their opinion is that hot women should be more likely to get a job in tech, then their opinion is on the wrong side of history.

Dalewyn 3y ago

>childhood body image issues — issues that men can’t know what it’s like. Excuse me? Men have their own flavor of stereotypical body images foisted upon them: Macho, six-packs, muscular arms, upside-down triangular back, etc. For what it's worth though, men seem to care significantly less about body image than women do. Food for thought.

sillysaurusx 3y ago
While it’s true that men have body image issues, when’s the last time you’ve seen them objectified the way a woman was in this thread? That might happen too, but not with the same frequency or casualness. Worse, men tend to refuse to believe it’s a problem, and file it in the nonsense bucket. One of the primary roadblocks for women getting into tech is that they’re not encouraged to the same way men are. And once they do, they constantly worry if they’re being treated specially just because they’re a woman — and if they don’t, they wonder if they would’ve gotten in if they looked just a little bit prettier. I’m relaying this from a woman who refuses to participate on HN (for so many reasons). Men seem to like this dynamic we’ve cultivated here. I liked it myself. But those of you who care about equality should take a hard look at our behavior and how we express ourselves.
- Dalewyn 3y ago
  >While it’s true that men have body image issues, when’s the last time you’ve seen them objectified the way a woman was in this thread? Literally any time I've seen women talk about what they like/want from men? Go take a stroll through any NSFW r/AskReddit thread, plenty to see in there from both sides of the chamber! >Worse, men tend to refuse to believe it’s a problem, and file it in the nonsense bucket. Concerns about body image are nearly always problems stemming from oneself. If you don't think it's a problem, it's really not a problem. Who cares if you've got a beer belly? Life's better handled lightly, women might do well to take a page. >One of the primary roadblocks for women getting into tech is that they’re not encouraged to the same way men are. If you need outside encouragement above and beyond to get into something, I would question if it's something suited for you at all first. Tech isn't for everyone, much like any other subject of interest. Also, a lot of tech nerds get into tech out of their own interest and volition, and lest we forget it was only fairly recently that being a techie became cool and attractive rather than unsexy and stigmatized. >And once they do, they constantly worry if they’re being treated specially just because they’re a woman — and if they don’t, they wonder if they would’ve gotten in if they looked just a little bit prettier. Why does it matter so much what anyone else thinks of you as an individual? If you ask me, women bring about a lot of peer judgment upon themselves because they are so concerned about what others think of them all the time. Men care to a far lesser degree, and consequently there simply isn't as much judging of peers to be bothered by. In its place is judging each others' character and merit, whether we can do the jobs and face the challenges presented to us. If you can do your job with excellence and make people smile, who cares if you've got a beer belly or flabby arms? >I’m relaying this from a woman who refuses to participate on HN (for so many reasons). Men seem to like this dynamic we’ve cultivated here. I liked it myself. But those of you who care about equality should take a hard look at our behavior and how we express ourselves. I agree that men generally prefer spaces without women to remain womenless, I'm also one of them. However, if women want to join and they can demonstrate their worth (and not destroy the space, which is the chief concern from the men) I certainly won't stop them. Some women also seem to take pride in creating women-only spaces to counteract certain notions of patriarchy, which is honestly the kettle calling the pot black and doesn't resolve anything.
  - sillysaurusx 3y ago
    Your comment is pretty thoughtful, so I’d like to respond in kind. One difference is that we rarely gain or lose jobs based on how we look. Another difference is that if we were to try to make a living by being a sex worker, we’d find that our income is much less than women, precisely because of the demand for a certain type of body. This realization is the essence of body image issues; to know that no matter what you do, you probably won’t achieve a certain thing in life unless you look a certain way. Worse, the question being ever present in the back of your mind will always get to you, no matter how much you try to shrug it off. I note that this thread started out with a comparison of astrology to racism, and everybody seemed to buy into that. Is it so hard to believe that we’re just as guilty of our own flaws? It’s easy to make fun of a woman who believes the stars predict your future, but we should at least check whether we’re fostering a culture that can predict very accurately whether an ambitious young woman might want to join us as developers. The answer right now tends to be no, and I’m skeptical it’s because their interests are different.
    - Dalewyn 3y ago
      I absolutely agree that looks play a role in how our lives can play out, our (and more broadly between men and women) disagreement is to what extent they play a role and consequently to what extent someone should care about their own looks. I also agree that certain occupations will no doubt place additional biases concerning one's looks. Anyone in the service industry will likely find themselves performing better if they satisfy a certain standard of appearance, in addition to things like mannerism and personality. But we are talking within the context of the tech industry, the jobs of which often find us staring at monitors and screens and clacking away on keyboards more than we do staring at each other. What we can achieve with our craft plays a bigger role than what we look like, here. One's looks has no bearing upon the quality of the code we write, after all, for example. >I note that this thread started out with a comparison of astrology to racism, and everybody seemed to buy into that. I actually disagree with that comparison because I want to believe words still hold meaning. Racism is discrimination, and astrology used as a way to judge someone is also discrimination. Discrimination is never okay. But to call astrology racism only demonstrates one's lack of linguistic understanding. We would also ignore how astrology by itself is just another fun pastime. Making fun of someone who's engaging in astrology is bad because you're making fun of someone who's just enjoying their time. Both men and women would naturally lean towards not mingling with people who don't respect their time and passions.

simbolit 3y ago

> childhood body image issues — issues that men can’t know what it’s like Thanks for negating my childhood experiences, much appreciated.

sillysaurusx 3y ago
I think it’s worth explicitly comparing our childhood issues. It took a long time to come to terms with the fact that it’s just nothing close to what women go through. It’s horrible in its own way. But women are judged for the rest of their lives, in exactly the ways this thread illustrates. When have you ever wondered if your body was the reason you did or didn’t get a job? It’s one thing for image issues to impact your self esteem. It’s quite another for them to be the central focus of your life. The makeup industry is massive precisely because of this double standard. If that negates a few of our childhood experiences, perhaps we should try to get comfortable with that. The fact that we think we’re special and that we have it just as bad is part of the problem.
- simbolit 3y ago
  What the h*ll do you know about my life? Nothing.
  - sillysaurusx 3y ago
    That’s true, and I don’t mean to downplay your experiences. This is more of me trying to convince you that it’s okay to feel angry and hurt without it taking away from other peoples’ experiences. It doesn’t have to be a you-or-them phenomenon. All I’m saying is that it pervades womens’ lives more. They have to deal with it constantly, every day. If you have any trans friends, I’d encourage you to ask them about it, since the issues are doubly magnified. That was one of the stepping stones that let me start to believe that women have it much worse than men, even if our experiences are also awful. Either way though, I hope you have a nice week, and I’m sorry if my comment brought up some trauma.
    - civilitty 3y ago

hombre_fatal 3y ago

If an HN comment is how a female software dev learned that hot people are treated better, then this is the easiest way to learn that lesson and they should say thank you. But this “think of the women!” hall monitoring has to be worse than whatever violation against women you thought you read in this thread. Are you sure this imaginary audience of female software devs isn’t made uncomfortable by your sort of comment about how we can’t even talk casually about human experience lest they feel uncomfy on HN?

sillysaurusx 3y ago
Quite certain. The fact that you’d call them imaginary is simply … mistaken, to put it lightly. I recommend asking some actual women how they feel about it. Feel free to link them to this subthread. But since you’re certain they’re imaginary, I imagine you’ve already done so and found it to be true, right? This kind of attitude has no place in our industry, and it’ll be lovely when the social tides shift just a little bit more to filter it out. Imagine looking a black engineer straight in the eye and saying that it’s good they learned the lesson that people treat you differently based on your skin color, as if it’s a favor to them that we taught them that.
- hombre_fatal 3y ago
  > ask some actual women Just asked my girlfriend and two sisters about your comment and they said it was cringe. Maybe it’s time you start a poll to double check your (and my) assumptions about the frailty of women when reading online chit chat? Especially with something as basic as being more agreeable with people you want to fuck, something women do too.
  - sillysaurusx 3y ago
    Are they into software? I’m sitting right next to one who is. She’s my wife. Women outside of tech are entitled to their opinion. But if their opinion is that hot women should be more likely to get a job in tech, then their opinion is on the wrong side of history.