3 ms·

My mom is BPD, she is a text book case. And I have been in therapy for almost a decade because of her emotional abuse. As many others have said, this paper is d

by ews 3y ago

My mom is BPD, she is a text book case. And I have been in therapy for almost a decade because of her emotional abuse. As many others have said, this paper is definitely beyond absurd.

willcipriano 3y ago
My wife has it. You can go on BPD support message boards and read my experience over and over again written by other people. The stories they tell are all nearly identical to one's I've experienced personally. It's shocking how similar the behaviors are between people who have BPD.
- mahesh_rm 3y ago
  My wife had it. Not anymore. Still BPD, but not anymore wife.
  - cameronh90 3y ago
    My girlfriend had it. Not any more. Suicide...
    - mahesh_rm 3y ago
      I am sorry for your loss. There's a million things to say and none of them would sound right. That could have been my way out too in many occasions, but it wasn't. Heal. There's a lot of us in this process. Feel free to hit me up if things get out of hand.
- ganbatekudasai 3y ago
  It can be fixed, if the person is willing to.
  - Apfel 3y ago
    Mind if I ask you if you've got experience in this regard? It's a horrible situation to deal with for family members so I'd love to know how to escape the pain we all feel.
    - ganbatekudasai 3y ago
      Yes, I have strong experience with that. You can look at my other comments in the thread for a bit more insight, but I'd also gladly help answering any other questions, as much as I can from own my experiences of course. Note though that the people that were successfully treated (so it seems to me) were willing to be treated. They realized themselves that their emotional response appears different. A large part of it, as I understand it, is to recognize when the emotional feedback loops kick in, and break out of them before it becomes overwhelming, but this requires some introspective capability. I'm basically trying to say: If a family member absolutely sees nothing wrong with their emotions and behavior, it might be hard. The people I know that did "recover" (or at least seem to manage very well) realized themselves that their BPD needed to be dealt with. You say "I'd love to know how to escape the pain we all feel" as a family member, but know that for the affected person, it is hell as well. I don't think anybody likes spiraling themselves into overwhelming rage or feelings of abandonment for no good reason.
      - Apfel 3y ago
        Great comment, thanks. We've tried to help her break out of it when it starts to kick off. What you said about addressing it at the point the feedback loop kicks in is kind of what we've been trying. Sometimes it seems to actually work but the condition seems to adapt to any consistent mechanism to calm her down.
ganbatekudasai 3y ago
Too bad, because from my (close) experience with people with BPD that I talked about elsewhere in this thread, good therapy can totally fix that. However, that probably also needs a great deal of introspection, and from my experience with people in general, it sadly seems like far from everyone is really introspective. So if your mother is on top of the BPD someone who generally does not inspect and question her feelings, might not have helped...
tptacek 3y ago
The paper isn't saying that there isn't a constellation of "symptoms" that the term "BPD" describes, only that there isn't a common "BPD" factor underlying those attributes that can't be better attributed to some combination of better-established, more scientifically-validated disorders. It's not denying your lived experience, it's only challenging the root cause of that experience. With that in mind, what's "absurd" about the paper? Can you be specific? Did you follow the cites, and find them absurd as well?

by ews 3y ago

My mom is BPD, she is a text book case. And I have been in therapy for almost a decade because of her emotional abuse. As many others have said, this paper is definitely beyond absurd.

willcipriano 3y ago

My wife has it. You can go on BPD support message boards and read my experience over and over again written by other people. The stories they tell are all nearly identical to one's I've experienced personally. It's shocking how similar the behaviors are between people who have BPD.

mahesh_rm 3y ago
My wife had it. Not anymore. Still BPD, but not anymore wife.
- cameronh90 3y ago
  My girlfriend had it. Not any more. Suicide...
  - mahesh_rm 3y ago
    I am sorry for your loss. There's a million things to say and none of them would sound right. That could have been my way out too in many occasions, but it wasn't. Heal. There's a lot of us in this process. Feel free to hit me up if things get out of hand.
ganbatekudasai 3y ago
It can be fixed, if the person is willing to.
- Apfel 3y ago
  Mind if I ask you if you've got experience in this regard? It's a horrible situation to deal with for family members so I'd love to know how to escape the pain we all feel.
  - ganbatekudasai 3y ago
    Yes, I have strong experience with that. You can look at my other comments in the thread for a bit more insight, but I'd also gladly help answering any other questions, as much as I can from own my experiences of course. Note though that the people that were successfully treated (so it seems to me) were willing to be treated. They realized themselves that their emotional response appears different. A large part of it, as I understand it, is to recognize when the emotional feedback loops kick in, and break out of them before it becomes overwhelming, but this requires some introspective capability. I'm basically trying to say: If a family member absolutely sees nothing wrong with their emotions and behavior, it might be hard. The people I know that did "recover" (or at least seem to manage very well) realized themselves that their BPD needed to be dealt with. You say "I'd love to know how to escape the pain we all feel" as a family member, but know that for the affected person, it is hell as well. I don't think anybody likes spiraling themselves into overwhelming rage or feelings of abandonment for no good reason.
    - Apfel 3y ago
      Great comment, thanks. We've tried to help her break out of it when it starts to kick off. What you said about addressing it at the point the feedback loop kicks in is kind of what we've been trying. Sometimes it seems to actually work but the condition seems to adapt to any consistent mechanism to calm her down.

ganbatekudasai 3y ago

Too bad, because from my (close) experience with people with BPD that I talked about elsewhere in this thread, good therapy can totally fix that. However, that probably also needs a great deal of introspection, and from my experience with people in general, it sadly seems like far from everyone is really introspective. So if your mother is on top of the BPD someone who generally does not inspect and question her feelings, might not have helped...

tptacek 3y ago

The paper isn't saying that there isn't a constellation of "symptoms" that the term "BPD" describes, only that there isn't a common "BPD" factor underlying those attributes that can't be better attributed to some combination of better-established, more scientifically-validated disorders. It's not denying your lived experience, it's only challenging the root cause of that experience. With that in mind, what's "absurd" about the paper? Can you be specific? Did you follow the cites, and find them absurd as well?