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> Obligatory counter-anecdote: by all accounts, I was a cheerful, happy little baby. My parents are wonderful people and we're a tight-knit family. And yet, I w

> Obligatory counter-anecdote: by all accounts, I was a cheerful, happy little baby. My parents are wonderful people and we're a tight-knit family. And yet, I was recently diagnosed with ADHD by a doctor who, after finishing the diagnostic screening, asked "how are you not homeless?" The doctor's question doesn't make sense given the context you've provided. Do you have a career? The fact that you're on Hacker News and can afford to care for a family indicates you've at least managed your symptoms with any number of tools or methods. So, "why aren't you homeless?" The question answers itself, from all appearances. But if there's something you've left out that could provide missing context, I'd be curious to know.

operatingthetan 3y ago
"why aren't you homeless?" Also sounds pretty unprofessional for a doctor to say and really strange in that context to the point that I don't really believe the poster's story.
- kstrauser 3y ago
  Eh, believe it or not. It's no skin off my back either way. But doctors are people, too, and he and I built an easy, informal rapport. I'm certain he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't sure I'd laugh in response.
  - operatingthetan 3y ago
    Something is off here. Now you're presenting it as a joke, and previously you offered it as a literal "counter-anecdote" to the OP. If it was actually a joke then it's meaningless in the context of the thread.
    - kstrauser 3y ago
      I think you're reading too much into this. The anecdote is true. It really happened. The doctor's comment, while deliberately phrased humorously, was serious. He identified some quite significant symptoms, and was happy for me that I'd managed to do OK in life in spite of them.
  - bawolff 3y ago
    > But doctors are people, too, and he and I built an easy, informal rapport. I'm certain he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't sure I'd laugh in response. Maybe, but even still, this is the type of remark that could easily get a doctor fired. Most people err on the side of caution for remarks that could get them fired, even if they're sure it would come off correctly as a joke.
    - kstrauser 3y ago
      That's exceedingly unlikely. My wife's a doctor and enjoys joking with her patients. I know some of them from outside her office, and there are a couple she jokes pretty roughly with. Those specific patients love it, and tell me things like "I love your wife. She's my only doctor who talks to me like a person." They trust her more for that, meaning she can provide better healthcare to them. Being a professional doesn't mean leaving your humor at the door. It does mean tailoring your communication to each patient/client/customer.
      - bawolff 3y ago
        However it only takes 1 person to take it the wrong way and feed it to the court of public opinion. The comment is dangerous not because someone might take it badly - but because out of context it sounds like a doctor making fun of a patient for a medical condition. It would be extremely easy for a disgruntled patient to weaponize it (even if the patient knew it was a joke at the time and even found it funny, they can still use it if they are disgruntled for some other reason). That's not to say professionals can't joke or talk to people like humans, but some jokes are very risky.
kstrauser 3y ago
Short version: despite some fairly severe symptoms, I've managed to develop tools and coping mechanisms that let me do OK in spite of myself. A lot of it was from brute force, though. We went on to discuss some of them to see if there were any practical tools he could pass along to other people in the same boat. I largely made an appointment in the first place because I was weary of using all my mental energy to stay afloat. Not drowning isn't the same as thriving, and I wondered what I could accomplish if I could spend some of those mental cycles on more productive goals. We found some meds that work well for me, and I'm still astonished at the ability to, you know, choose work on the things I want and need to work on. What a different world that is!
- schaefer 3y ago
  >Not drowning isn't the same as thriving, and I wondered what I could accomplish if I could spend some of those mental cycles on more productive goals. We found some meds that work well for me, and I'm still astonished at the ability to, you know, choose work on the things I want and need to work on. What a different world that is! writing as someone that might be undiagnosed... thank you for writing this. More encouragement to take action myself. Can I ask, did you start with your primary care physician and work your way through the system, or did you start with a psychiatrist?
  - kstrauser 3y ago
    You're welcome! This is a medical issue, not some personal failing or lack of willpower or anything like that. I think it's important to talk openly about these things. I tried going through my PCP and working my way up but didn't get far with it. My PCP referred me to a psychiatrist who seemed nice but wasn't very helpful. She thought I had difficulty focusing because of anxiety; I thought I was anxious because I had difficulty focusing. Honestly, I felt like she started with a hypothesis and only heard the evidence that supported it. (In fairness, I started with the hypothesis that I had ADHD, so she could probably say exactly the same thing about me.) A friend of mine had told me about a good experience with an online doctor. After frustration with the previous doc, I made a video chat appointment with his. That one was night and day different. I know, I know: "Oh really? You found an ADHD doctor and they said you had ADHD? I'm shocked!" But the previous doc wasn't willing to try any treatment. The new one gave me a prescription for a low dose of a cheap medicine, and I could tell the difference from the first day. If you live in California and would like a specific recommendation, let me know. My website's on my profile, and my email's on my website.

operatingthetan 3y ago

"why aren't you homeless?" Also sounds pretty unprofessional for a doctor to say and really strange in that context to the point that I don't really believe the poster's story.

kstrauser 3y ago
Eh, believe it or not. It's no skin off my back either way. But doctors are people, too, and he and I built an easy, informal rapport. I'm certain he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't sure I'd laugh in response.
- operatingthetan 3y ago
  Something is off here. Now you're presenting it as a joke, and previously you offered it as a literal "counter-anecdote" to the OP. If it was actually a joke then it's meaningless in the context of the thread.
  - kstrauser 3y ago
    I think you're reading too much into this. The anecdote is true. It really happened. The doctor's comment, while deliberately phrased humorously, was serious. He identified some quite significant symptoms, and was happy for me that I'd managed to do OK in life in spite of them.
- bawolff 3y ago
  > But doctors are people, too, and he and I built an easy, informal rapport. I'm certain he wouldn't have said it if he wasn't sure I'd laugh in response. Maybe, but even still, this is the type of remark that could easily get a doctor fired. Most people err on the side of caution for remarks that could get them fired, even if they're sure it would come off correctly as a joke.
  - kstrauser 3y ago
    That's exceedingly unlikely. My wife's a doctor and enjoys joking with her patients. I know some of them from outside her office, and there are a couple she jokes pretty roughly with. Those specific patients love it, and tell me things like "I love your wife. She's my only doctor who talks to me like a person." They trust her more for that, meaning she can provide better healthcare to them. Being a professional doesn't mean leaving your humor at the door. It does mean tailoring your communication to each patient/client/customer.
    - bawolff 3y ago
      However it only takes 1 person to take it the wrong way and feed it to the court of public opinion. The comment is dangerous not because someone might take it badly - but because out of context it sounds like a doctor making fun of a patient for a medical condition. It would be extremely easy for a disgruntled patient to weaponize it (even if the patient knew it was a joke at the time and even found it funny, they can still use it if they are disgruntled for some other reason). That's not to say professionals can't joke or talk to people like humans, but some jokes are very risky.

kstrauser 3y ago

Short version: despite some fairly severe symptoms, I've managed to develop tools and coping mechanisms that let me do OK in spite of myself. A lot of it was from brute force, though. We went on to discuss some of them to see if there were any practical tools he could pass along to other people in the same boat. I largely made an appointment in the first place because I was weary of using all my mental energy to stay afloat. Not drowning isn't the same as thriving, and I wondered what I could accomplish if I could spend some of those mental cycles on more productive goals. We found some meds that work well for me, and I'm still astonished at the ability to, you know, choose work on the things I want and need to work on. What a different world that is!

schaefer 3y ago
>Not drowning isn't the same as thriving, and I wondered what I could accomplish if I could spend some of those mental cycles on more productive goals. We found some meds that work well for me, and I'm still astonished at the ability to, you know, choose work on the things I want and need to work on. What a different world that is! writing as someone that might be undiagnosed... thank you for writing this. More encouragement to take action myself. Can I ask, did you start with your primary care physician and work your way through the system, or did you start with a psychiatrist?
- kstrauser 3y ago
  You're welcome! This is a medical issue, not some personal failing or lack of willpower or anything like that. I think it's important to talk openly about these things. I tried going through my PCP and working my way up but didn't get far with it. My PCP referred me to a psychiatrist who seemed nice but wasn't very helpful. She thought I had difficulty focusing because of anxiety; I thought I was anxious because I had difficulty focusing. Honestly, I felt like she started with a hypothesis and only heard the evidence that supported it. (In fairness, I started with the hypothesis that I had ADHD, so she could probably say exactly the same thing about me.) A friend of mine had told me about a good experience with an online doctor. After frustration with the previous doc, I made a video chat appointment with his. That one was night and day different. I know, I know: "Oh really? You found an ADHD doctor and they said you had ADHD? I'm shocked!" But the previous doc wasn't willing to try any treatment. The new one gave me a prescription for a low dose of a cheap medicine, and I could tell the difference from the first day. If you live in California and would like a specific recommendation, let me know. My website's on my profile, and my email's on my website.