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Study finds regular 'phubbing' could be damaging marriages
- malfist 3y agoI don't think a smartphone has anything to do with their results. Ignoring your spouse tends to lead to dissatisfaction. Doesn't matter if you do it with a phone or a newspaper or a book
- mydriasis 3y agoYet more ammunition for my upcoming "phone divorce". I've had my eyes on a few different "dumb phones", and I plan to eliminate my smartphone entirely. I shit you not, it was easier to quit smoking than it has been to try to quit my phone. It's just... a waste. The thing is a waste. It's a waste of time and focus that I could be spending on my relationships, on my hobbies, etc., instead. So. I've penned up the "divorce papers" for my phone and I, to be signed next month. This article will be an exhibit before the judge. Now to get a little pocket change together so I can switch carriers...
- djcannabiz 3y agoIf there are any models you have in mind, please do share!
- mydriasis 3y agoMy real wife demands I have a GPS, so it's kind of limited me on what phone I can choose -- I need something dumb enough to be less of a distraction, but smart enough that I won't get lost in the wilderness. For that reason, I'm really eyeing the Nokia 6300 4G. I'm in America and it's supported by lots of ( cheap! ) carriers. It has google maps and a couple of other applications built in, but it's otherwise a terrible phone all around, which makes me believe I won't be able to stand using it for long, so I'm excited to try it out. Or rather, buy it, and not try it out very much.
- hiatus 3y agoIf you are looking for a smarter dumb phone, you might like the Sonim XP3800. I chose it because I was looking for a dumber phone that supported Signal and although the Punkt phone was sleek the experience was suboptimal.
- maerF0x0 3y agoPerhaps she could accept an apple smart tag or a very small gps device? "Jiobit Gen 2" came up in a google search, no idea if it's any good.
- JimtheCoder 3y ago"Perhaps she could accept an apple smart tag" Yea, lets not normalize woman putting an Apple Airtag on their husbands...
- doubled112 3y agoMy wife and I have 100% considered Airtagging each other. Every time we're out somewhere one of us absentmindedly wanders off with a kid or two, leaving the other wondering "where did they go?"
- maerF0x0 3y agoIt can be seen as distrust "like where are they", Or trust "I know they'll only use this when its actually required" Lots of ways to frame things, given my relationship history the more verifiable information I have the safer I feel. I will need a partner that strikes a healthy balance between asserting her own right to freedoms and empathy to the realities of my emotional state and past and how she can choose a minor sacrifice on her behalf for a major win for her partner. Afterall, isn't that what we all do in relationships? If she's not cool with it, then cool, she's probably just not my person :) ..
- mydriasis 3y agoAh -- I guess I should've been a bit more specific -- by GPS I just meant "some app that can do directions when we're in a weird place", not really tracking, necessarily. I uh. Don't really leave the house. So, not much to track :D
- throwaway6734 3y agoThe cat s22 isn't exactly a dumb phone but it is a flip with a numpad and a very small touch screen which makes it much less addictive. You can still hotspot with it and have access to apps when needed. I love mine so far
- happymellon 3y agoHow long does the battery on something like that last? I'm thinking of something like that and an iPad mini to tether when I need to actually use a screen, the mini would be too big to just keep in my pocket and pull out so I'll only use it for banking, maps, etc.
- throwaway6734 3y agoi dont use it much and get 2-2.5 days. I have kept my smartphone and use that for maps (as gps still works) and music (predownloaded) in the car and occasionally around the house, but treat it more like my laptop now.
- sithadmin 3y agoI'm a fan of the Unihertz Jelly 2. It's great for 'detoxing' from smartphone usage because it is still able to provide useful everyday functions like Google Maps, but is so small that it's infuriating to use for mindless scrolling/entertainment purposes.
- csdvrx 3y agoHow it the battery life in real world use? It looks like the Palm PVG100 which had a bad battery life but it could be helpful to place calls when travelling
- sithadmin 3y agoIn my experience - it can provide a 'full day' of usage, possibly more if used minimally. Given that my use case is a conscious effort to minimize screen time, I haven't ever found myself worried about battery life.
- ASalazarMX 3y agoDivorcing a smartphone in this day and age is counterproductive, given all kinds of useful applications they run, like photo/video cloud backup, banking, home alarm/cameras, solar panel status, and a long etc. I think it would be more productive to find out your time waster apps, and divorce specifically those. Social media, messaging, games, and news are the usual time devourers, they know hot to push our buttons.
- mydriasis 3y agoBehind me, satan! :)
- simonblack 3y agoI tried going back to a dumb-phone some years back. But that didn't quite work out, either. One policy I had for a while was to remove apps that (a) I didn't want to use, or (b) I would never use and that didn't want cluttering up the phone's screen. I have since moved on to my current system: I don't bother removing apps, I just move them to other screen-pages that I don't look at. Consequently I have a 'first-screen' that has only about half-a-dozen apps showing. * If I can be bothered and have some time to kill, I might actually remove some apps from the phone, but generally I can't be bothered. == * It's not a huge list. On the bottom row: phone, texts, camera On the main screen: Settings, clock (alarms,reminders), browser, photos, calendar, notes.
- keen_poincare 3y agoI went into this article thinking phubbing was something much different.
- lolsal 3y agoStudy aside, do we really need a new word for this? It seems we have plenty of existing, commonly used words for this behavior. It distracted me from the main content of the article.
- tennisflyi 3y agoI don’t think phubbing is a new word?
- canadiantim 3y agoThe word "phubbing" sounds like nails on a chalkboard to me That aside, married people who spend time on their phone instead of with loved ones, it would make sense they would be more susceptible to damaging their marriage because of the lost high-quality time
- kwhitefoot 3y agoIs the dissatisfaction caused by the phone use or the phone use by an existing dissatisfaction? Or are both caused by another cause?
- maerF0x0 3y agoiirc we know that social media use leads to dissatisfaction due to seeing everyone's "perfect" lives. Perhaps these married people are observing "perfect" marriages and taking a negative perspective on their own?
- kwhitefoot 3y agoPerhaps so, but why were they looking in the first place?
- welshwelsh 3y agoI agree to a point, but the way we talk about this seems very conservative. If someone develops a negative perspective towards their current situation, is that a bad thing? My interpretation is that social media use leads to ambition and raises people's standards. Seeing other people doing better makes people think about how they can improve their own lives, which leads to less complacency and drives them towards positive change. I am going to go out on a limb and say that most relationships are crappy. If the average person was to see what a good relationship looks like, they would leave or try to change their current one, which is a good thing. Same applies for careers.
- maerF0x0 3y agoIMO Surveys are the lowest form of science. Another way to title it "More evidence that neuroticism leads to marital dissatisfaction and dissolution" Think about the process: 1. You decide/agree to fill out a survey (this is a form of selection bias already) 2. The survey asks you *to recall* experiences (this is both a form of bias of memory and neuroticism which causes you to ruminate on events in the past or what they might mean) 3. Then we make association (often interpreted as causal outside of the actual papers) that the examined behavior is the reason for the outcomes we've cherry picked. Perhaps people on the brink of divorce phub more? Perhaps the people are just neurotic about their partner's behavior? (notice, ruminate on, and ascribe negative meaning to their partner being on a phone) Perhaps phubbing is just a coping mechanism for *the real cause of damage* in the marriage?
- taylodl 3y agoBesides which, according to the CDC, the divorce rate in the United States has been declining since the release of the iPhone. But that doesn't fit the narrative that smartphones are destroying all of society, does it?
- asynchronous 3y agoI would argue that metric is simply because less people are getting married now in the first place.
- taylodl 3y agoYou're not wrong, but just to clarify, the divorce rate is decreasing, not just the number of divorces.
- maerF0x0 3y agoI've seen presumptions that is because marriage has been declining. People who were marginally less into marriage for whatever reason seem to be forgoing the "I guess we need to get married ... <1 to 7 yrs, maybe kids> ... I never was into this, why did we get married? Lets divorce" pattern.
- ativzzz 3y ago> And now it seems that a new behavior has been identified—"phubbing," or "phone snubbing"—in which people cut off conversations with others in their vicinity as they talk or text on their phone. I don't think we needed an article or a study for this - seems obvious to me lol if you prioritize communicating with your phone over the person next to you IRL that person won't like you as much. Or do people not realize this?
- mrguyorama 3y agoA reminder that these kinds of "studies" are more like market analysis and understanding "the lay of the land" to help figure out things that might need to be studied rather than a powerful conclusion in itself.
- bell-cot 3y ago> ... they [the researchers] created surveys to associate closeness in a marriage with phone use. They sent out hundreds of them ... > The researchers found a pattern—couples who reported more phubbing in their home also reported less satisfaction in their marriage. They note that their findings make sense logically. People tend not to respond well when ignored. They did not discuss the possibility that less-satisfied partners might be more inclined to phub their spouse. [emphasis mine] So the research is blind to cause ==> effect, and amounts to "people unhappy with their marriage generally treat their spouse less well".
- electrondood 3y ago"Phubbing" isn't the cause, it's a symptom. If you don't want to spend time with your partner, you're going to use your phone as an avoidance mechanism instead.
- wetmore 3y agoI don't think this is true. I've noticed myself phubbing in front of my friends and partner sometimes and it feels more like a compulsion. If I resist or put my phone somewhere else the compulsion passes and I enjoy the time without using it.
- 63 3y agoSure, if you have self control. I've definitely met people who are addicted to their phones and don't mean to intentionally disrespect company by being on them, but definitely do anyway.
- w0m 3y agoThis is dumb. Are people 'phubbing' and damaging the marriage or is a damaged marriage more apt to have 'phubbing'? No evidence either way. Much stupid.
- frithsun 3y agoStudy finds cave painting could be damaging prehistoric marriages (fancy.edu) professor thog find when cave partner do cave art instead of loving partner that partner more often run off to other tribe is your prehistoric mate cavernsnubbing you??? be big scared
- mcpackieh 3y agoWet streets cause rain.
- thunderbong 3y agoFor those like me, who don't know what 'phubbing' is, from the article - > A pair of psychologists at Niğde Ömer Halisdemir University, has found evidence showing that married couples who regularly engage in phone snubbing (phubbing) have lower marriage satisfaction than couples who do not. > And now it seems that a new behavior has been identified—"phubbing," or "phone snubbing"—in which people cut off conversations with others in their vicinity as they talk or text on their phone. If two people are doing it to each other, it is double-phubbing. I guess if people are having to cut off conversations with their partners, they already have problems in their relationship. Blaming a phone for it is just lame!
- hprotagonist 3y agoAnd you read your Emily Dickinson, And I my Robert Frost, And we note our place with bookmarkers That measure what we've lost. Like a poem poorly written We are verses out of rhythm, Couplets out of rhyme, In syncopated time And the dangling conversation And the superficial sighs, Are the borders of our lives. https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/simongarfunkel/thedanglingconversation.html https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/simongarfunkel/thedanglingco...
- slowmovintarget 3y agoThis just in: Treating each other with contempt will damage your relationship.