3 ms·

You're heavily conflating anxiety and introversion. My wife is an extrovert with anxiety - once she gets comfortable she's energized by people. She comes home

You're heavily conflating anxiety and introversion. My wife is an extrovert with anxiety - once she gets comfortable she's energized by people. She comes home bouncing off the walls. I'm an introvert - regardless of comfort level I come home and want to go to bed immediately.

pydry 3y ago
Im pretty sure everybody gets energized once they've gotten fully comfortable with someone. That process of getting comfortable is the relevant context though - not a virtual dial in their brain that goes from "introvert" to "extrovert".
- isk517 3y ago
  Ha, I wish. The level of comfort with someone really only effects the rate of energy drain, at least in my case.
- SketchySeaBeast 3y ago
  But that's not what I'm saying - I'm saying conversation drains me even if I'm with someone I'm comfortable with. I'm tired when it's over. My wife is not. She comes home excited.
  - tstrimple 3y ago
    It's very much like I have a hidden meter for dealing with other people. Once it's full, I'm done with people. It doesn't really matter how much I like or trust these people. I can get burned out from talking to folks at work and need space from my family and vice-versa. I just need time to be alone and not have to consider making conversation or entertaining anyone. I need space for my thoughts to expand and to not be constantly distracted by other people's "noise". I love my wife. I love my kids. I enjoy spending time with them. But when that social meter is full, regardless of how it got full, I have little ability to engage with them.
- bowsamic 3y ago
  > Im pretty sure everybody gets energized once they've gotten fully comfortable with someone. They don't though. You just sound like an extrovert that can't fathom that introverts exist. Even if my family visit me and I am comfortable with them, I will still be extremely tired when they leave. I won't feel "energised"
em-bee 3y ago
hmm, that's an interesting perspective. see my comment here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36795067 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36795067 i can definitely see that the comfort level is a factor. however, it can take a long time before i get comfortable with someone. i have no idea how much, but a few hours at a party are almost never enough, unless we hit the right topic. so yeah, after those conversations i was bouncing off the walls too. likewise i have given presentations on various topics in front of dozens or hundreds of people. my comfort level depended on how well prepared i was, and how the audience reacted. during the speech part anxiety is higher because i get little to no feedback, but then the Q&A can turn things around if people have lots of questions that show their interest in the topic. oh, and when i am drained, i can't go to sleep. i have to do something interesting for myself for at least an hour or more in order to divert my thoughts away from the draining experience.

pydry 3y ago

Im pretty sure everybody gets energized once they've gotten fully comfortable with someone. That process of getting comfortable is the relevant context though - not a virtual dial in their brain that goes from "introvert" to "extrovert".

isk517 3y ago
Ha, I wish. The level of comfort with someone really only effects the rate of energy drain, at least in my case.
SketchySeaBeast 3y ago
But that's not what I'm saying - I'm saying conversation drains me even if I'm with someone I'm comfortable with. I'm tired when it's over. My wife is not. She comes home excited.
- tstrimple 3y ago
  It's very much like I have a hidden meter for dealing with other people. Once it's full, I'm done with people. It doesn't really matter how much I like or trust these people. I can get burned out from talking to folks at work and need space from my family and vice-versa. I just need time to be alone and not have to consider making conversation or entertaining anyone. I need space for my thoughts to expand and to not be constantly distracted by other people's "noise". I love my wife. I love my kids. I enjoy spending time with them. But when that social meter is full, regardless of how it got full, I have little ability to engage with them.
bowsamic 3y ago
> Im pretty sure everybody gets energized once they've gotten fully comfortable with someone. They don't though. You just sound like an extrovert that can't fathom that introverts exist. Even if my family visit me and I am comfortable with them, I will still be extremely tired when they leave. I won't feel "energised"

em-bee 3y ago

hmm, that's an interesting perspective. see my comment here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36795067 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36795067 i can definitely see that the comfort level is a factor. however, it can take a long time before i get comfortable with someone. i have no idea how much, but a few hours at a party are almost never enough, unless we hit the right topic. so yeah, after those conversations i was bouncing off the walls too. likewise i have given presentations on various topics in front of dozens or hundreds of people. my comfort level depended on how well prepared i was, and how the audience reacted. during the speech part anxiety is higher because i get little to no feedback, but then the Q&A can turn things around if people have lots of questions that show their interest in the topic. oh, and when i am drained, i can't go to sleep. i have to do something interesting for myself for at least an hour or more in order to divert my thoughts away from the draining experience.