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Introvert and extrovert is the most widely misunderstood thing I have seen at work and in personal life. This article also doesn’t do justice to the nuance that

• BeetleB 3y ago
  > I know I can have deep, meaningful and long conversations… but I don’t find them a source of joy. Sorry to add to the flames, but many (most?) introverts generally do find joy in deep, meaningful long conversations. It's the small talk they tend to dislike. The problem is trying to shoehorn everything into introvert vs extrovert. The reality is it's a vector. Small talk vs meaningful conversations is an axis different from enjoying crowds vs alone time.
  • bryanlarsen 3y ago
    AFAICT whether you find a conversation a source of joy is relatively orthogonal to being an introvert. It's whether it's draining or not. A conversation can be both a source of joy and draining.
  • coffeebeqn 3y ago
    It’s also who you’re interacting with that’s a big input. A party where you know no one but have to be at VS talking to your best friend or kids or spouse for example.
  • mklarmann 3y ago
    I would even argue, that it is depending on the context (on how you feel) that makes you introvert or extrovert in the situation. Not just a vector. I found it funny doing some tests, but once with the mindset of being a CEO, and in the other situation on the dancefloor, etc.
  • a_and 3y ago
    To further reaffirm your division between depth of conversation and intro- and extroversion, I enjoy small talk and deep conversation and I find both a source of joy. Both, however, do drain me.
• kekebo 3y ago
  The most useful definition I've found personally is basing it on which of the modes provides rather than costs energy (mental/emotional/physiological)
• pydry 3y ago
  >introverts find interactions with other “draining” I'm pretty sure this is bullshit. Level of drain = lack of trust in that person X overall level of anxiety If you're highly anxious and socializing with people you dont trust (strangers, acquaintances) then the experience will be stressful and draining. Ive met many self declared introverts who have no problem socializing for long periods in small groups with people they trust absolutely. Ditto self declared extroverts who are "socially performing" in a critical sitation where they will be judged can't help but find that experience draining.
  • jgilias 3y ago
    Well, no. I guess if you don’t know then you don’t know. As an anecdotal personal example. I love my wife and kids dearly. I trust them, and feel no anxiety being around them. Yet it’s draining. Now they’re gone for a few days, and I feel very good being finally alone for a few days. Likewise I enjoy getting together with friends and family. I’ve also learned to be sociable. But it’s draining. After a day of having to interact with people I really, really, really cherish being alone for a few hours with my own thoughts, and preferably silence. We’re different like that, people in general, I mean.
    • coffeebeqn 3y ago
      You also adjust to a degree. With a family those longer moments can be as rare as a few times a year. I used to be alone for many hours or days almost daily when I was younger. But I’m doing fine. I really do enjoy the moments of solitude but I guess I don’t need them as much as I thought. With this “draining” metaphor you’d think every introvert parent is a mere husk
      • bityard 3y ago
        Well, some of us are. :/
      • jgilias 3y ago
        Recognizing that something takes effort doesn’t necessarily imply that the activity is not enjoyable or worth pursuing. I mean, I do see how someone might believe that just because one finds an activity draining they’d strive to avoid it at all costs. But that really doesn’t have to be the case.
• vipshek 3y ago
  I did briefly discuss this idea of interactions "draining energy" in the post here: https://www.vipshek.com/blog/interaction#balance-not-batteries https://www.vipshek.com/blog/interaction#balance-not-batteri.... I understand that the idea of draining vs. charging works for some people, but I always found this concept even more baffling. For me, when I've been in solitude for a while, I feel a restless desire to go out and interact with people. When I'm in that lonely state, I find social interaction "charging" and further solitude "draining." But when I go interact with people for a long time—especially in a large group where I don't know people well—I feel an urge to retreat to solitude. So am I charged by solitude and drained by interaction, or the other way around? It feels like the answer is "both"... so what am I supposed to do with all this? One way you could think about my model is that you have four "batteries", each of which has an optimal "charge level." If you're under that level, you'll feel a desire to be in that state for a while. If you're over it, you'll feel an aversion to being in that state. And it's possible that if you're quite introverted, your optimal level of large-group interaction is close to zero. If you're somewhere in the middle like me, though, the simple idea that you're "drained" by one thing or the other feels off.
  • hightrix 3y ago
    As an anecdote, I am always drained by social interaction and always recharged by solitude. I can be home alone all week and still dread going out to a party if I’m not in the mood. I’m a very social person, but it is still draining. I have never felt so alone that I need social interaction, but I have frequently felt a strong need to be alone. But I’m also like the parent in that I’ve lead large teams, had greater interpersonal relationships, and have been hoisted to leadership positions regardless of if I was trying to get there or not. Finally, I imagine the reality of extrovert vs introvert is similar to the modern understanding of gender as a spectrum. I would guess there are not many people that are wholly introverted or extroverted.
    • m463 3y ago
      I think there are a spectrum of social interactions. There are negative social interactions, and they frequently leave me drained, or seeking solitude. There are busy interactions where lots of people require my time and attention even though I have other things to do - they can also leave me drained. There are also positive interactions, with friends or maybe places where people are gathered with a common interest that leave me buoyant and full of energy and enthusiasm. Even online interactions might count as interactions, and fill my day with various effects on my energy. Pet interactions are generally pretty positive. I often wonder if some people use pets as proxies for human interaction (may be healthy or unhealthy)
• tsuujin 3y ago
  I am a rather extreme introvert myself and also a people leader. The people who report to me often have no idea that I’m introverted because I am a strong communicator, and I genuinely enjoy talking to people. I _do_ find it to be a source of joy. The primary difference between myself and my extreme extrovert wife is that at the end of the day I am emotionally drained and need some quiet time to recharge, while she’s still itching to talk.
• codersfocus 3y ago
  It is widely misunderstood as a result of people taking that small piece Jung's overall personality theory and ignoring the rest. It's the lowest common denominator tweet sized "elevator pitch" you can extract from the overall theory. You aren't "an" introvert or an extrovert, rather you have cognitive functions that are themselves introverted or extroverted and they are ordered in your personality between strongest and weakest. Everyone has both introverted and extroverted functions, and the opposite is always the second strongest. This is why people make up the word "ambivert." People are also confused depending on whether that function is perceptual (intuition / sensory) or judgmental (thinking / feeling), with the perceptual ones, from the meme level understanding appearing introverted.
  • sdfadofinio 3y ago
    Jung may have invented the words, but he does not own them. Most will encounter the terms in the context of the Big Five model because Jung's theories have limited relevance today.
• bmitc 3y ago
  > having led teams of hundreds of people, I know I can have deep, meaningful and long conversations… but I don’t find them a source of joy Do you consider yourself an introvert or extrovert? I am deeply introverted, but deep conversations are what I yearn for, but I find most people are not willing to engage in such, especially extroverts. It was my understanding that most introverts actually feel deeply, which is precisely why social interactions that are not intellectually stimulating are draining. Though even the intellectually stimulating ones are still tiring, just not draining.
  • jmye 3y ago
    Seems like this is ascribing an awful lot of value judgement on personality type. I’ve had very deep conversations with people across the spectrum, and met a lot of introverts who couldn’t, or didn’t want to, talk at more than surface level.
    • bmitc 3y ago
      I'm not sure what you mean by a value judgement. But these things are obviously personal, broad, statistical, and not absolute. Personality types are a thing though, and some types are more prone to certain behaviors and feelings than others. Doesn't mean it's always that way or better or worse. Probably what's being re-hit upon is that there's more to personality types than introvert and extrovert.
      • jmye 3y ago
        It’s the notion that “extroverts” aren’t capable of holding deep, intellectual conversations or that “introverts” are more prone to them. I accept that may not have been your intent, but it’s how I read that comment. I fully agree with the second thing you said.
        • bmitc 3y ago
          To be fair, I said "not willing" and not "not capable". There was probably a hint of bias coming from an introvert and personality type that doesn't generally feel heard. But I think the more broad and modern personality models beyond introvert/extrovert are better for this rather than the broad strokes I painted with.
• rainsford 3y ago
  > This article also doesn’t do justice to the nuance that introverts find interactions with other “draining” … but it’s not necessary that they suck at it. The nuance on the flip side that I see discussed even less is that extroverts are not necessarily actually good at interacting with people, especially in more structured settings, they just maybe enjoy doing it more. Presumably there is at least some correlation between extroversion and good social skills, since if nothing else the extrovert might get more practice. But my anecdotal experience is that they're definitely clearly distinct personality aspects that fairly often do not go together.
• strken 3y ago
  The supposed "draining" of introverts sounds like a cold reading technique or something you'd read in a horoscope. It applies to nearly everyone to some degree. Enjoy socialising but after a party you're glad to put your feet up and read a book? Get slight anxiety making small talk with strangers, to the point where you feel bad if you do it for more than six hours? Don't want to hang out with your boss at the mandatory company event on the weekend when you could be with your husband and kids? Congratulations, you're A) perfectly normal and B) an introvert, sort of, if you squint! The problem is not that I don't get what it's like to feel drained, it's that I'm pretty sure everyone I hang out with except for literally one single person feels drained by social interaction at some point.
  • squirtlebonflow 3y ago
    Reading a book after a party is not "perfectly normal".
  • _y5hn 3y ago
    That's not what draining means. It may mean having to go to bed very early because you're all used up. The effects varies alot though. It's not a preference.
    • strken 3y ago
      Draining has no rigorous meaning at all, and the reader can interpret it however they damn well feel like. I am sure that the vast majority of people have had at least one day where social duties overwhelmed them. Extroverts, meaning people who are never ever drained by social interaction (for whichever meaning drained is given) seem to be vanishingly rare.
• thenoblesunfish 3y ago
  I think it's even possible to take joy in something you find draining. For example, exercise is great, but it tires you out and you need to rest.
• _a_a_a_ 3y ago
  Perhaps more nuanced words than the already-cheapened "joy" might be helpful? I don't find "joy" in dealing with people, I don't discover them a fountain of ecstasy, I just "like it" rather a lot. Perhaps you are expecting too much.