4 ms·

Why is that different for men vs. women even in a heterosexual couple? Why are the "good" things you do that attract a partner for you, different than the "goo

by xracy 3y ago

Why is that different for men vs. women even in a heterosexual couple? Why are the "good" things you do that attract a partner for you, different than the "good" things you're attracted to? Also, are you saying you wouldn't do good stuff for another person of the same gender as you (assuming you're heterosexual)? I had a roommate like that, and the dude was a colossal prick. He would do things for women, but if you wanted to do something for you, he demanded something in return. It's not really sustainable. Also, it's pretty transparently a signal that you're just not a "good" person if you only do "good things" to get something in return. IMO.

Fire-Dragon-DoL 3y ago
I'm saying that when it's used with a gender attached it is in reference to doing some specific things that attracts other partners. Also, the thing is not mutually exclusive, you can be a good person and a good man/woman (good person with potential to attract partners you are interested in). Just to be clear, my talk is abstract, I'm not referring to my personal behavior. That being said, when I do a nice thing for somebody else's sake with 0 expectations in return, I know my body will provide me with a warm feeling that will probably make me smile, thinking the other person felt good about it. I can't help but think that this is the reason why I would do that, so I feel selfish either way
- xracy 3y ago
  I'm gonna start with your 3rd point. I think that's an okay time to feel fine about a thing. Honestly, I think that's the best time to feel good about something. #2 Yeah, sorry, I think I made it seem like I was suggesting something about you, when in fact, I was just reminiscing about how much I didn't like that roommate. I don't know you. But I think that doing nice things for people without expecting something in return is fine regardless of your sexual inclinations. It doesn't make you a "good man" or a "good woman" it makes you a "good person". And I think that's the goal above the other 2 goals. #1 I think I understood your original point, and I'm asking why do we think that the things that would attract a partner of a different sex than us, are necessarily different? Why are some good/bad actions necessarily gendered? I think we've been fighting a bunch of double standards that negatively impact everyone, and we're recognizing that it's good/bad behavior regardless of who it is. For example, holding the door open for someone is a fine behavior regardless of who you do it for. There's nothing inherently nicely masculine about it.
  - Fire-Dragon-DoL 3y ago
    I think I agree with you. In the end is just what I'm used to hear (I do hold the door for anybody, somebody did that for me in Canada and I really appreciated it), but maybe the wait to fight this perception is to just stop using it and do nice things for everybody. Thank you, really appreciate the exchange!

by xracy 3y ago

Fire-Dragon-DoL 3y ago

I'm saying that when it's used with a gender attached it is in reference to doing some specific things that attracts other partners. Also, the thing is not mutually exclusive, you can be a good person and a good man/woman (good person with potential to attract partners you are interested in). Just to be clear, my talk is abstract, I'm not referring to my personal behavior. That being said, when I do a nice thing for somebody else's sake with 0 expectations in return, I know my body will provide me with a warm feeling that will probably make me smile, thinking the other person felt good about it. I can't help but think that this is the reason why I would do that, so I feel selfish either way

xracy 3y ago
I'm gonna start with your 3rd point. I think that's an okay time to feel fine about a thing. Honestly, I think that's the best time to feel good about something. #2 Yeah, sorry, I think I made it seem like I was suggesting something about you, when in fact, I was just reminiscing about how much I didn't like that roommate. I don't know you. But I think that doing nice things for people without expecting something in return is fine regardless of your sexual inclinations. It doesn't make you a "good man" or a "good woman" it makes you a "good person". And I think that's the goal above the other 2 goals. #1 I think I understood your original point, and I'm asking why do we think that the things that would attract a partner of a different sex than us, are necessarily different? Why are some good/bad actions necessarily gendered? I think we've been fighting a bunch of double standards that negatively impact everyone, and we're recognizing that it's good/bad behavior regardless of who it is. For example, holding the door open for someone is a fine behavior regardless of who you do it for. There's nothing inherently nicely masculine about it.
- Fire-Dragon-DoL 3y ago
  I think I agree with you. In the end is just what I'm used to hear (I do hold the door for anybody, somebody did that for me in Canada and I really appreciated it), but maybe the wait to fight this perception is to just stop using it and do nice things for everybody. Thank you, really appreciate the exchange!