When I was a toddler, I was a freight train engineer. Well, OK, my parents dressed me in pinstriped overalls and cap and staged a series of portraits. There was

When I was a toddler, I was a freight train engineer. Well, OK, my parents dressed me in pinstriped overalls and cap and staged a series of portraits. There was a miniature railroad in the park nearby that you could ride around for fresh air (with a whiff of gas) and scenery. Then later, my grandfather, who was a pipe fitter for the railroad, built for us an impressive model railroad setup in a spare bedroom, which occupied most of my playtime before Atari took over. Then when I reached high school, my so-called girlfriend discovered the toddler photos and made humiliating jokes about them. I suspect that my mother also had a difficult relationship with her father, and so that would explain so much.