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Perhaps you ought to reframe your understanding of "article" in this context for the long form variety, of which this piece is an example. Just like visual art

Perhaps you ought to reframe your understanding of "article" in this context for the long form variety, of which this piece is an example. Just like visual artists, good writers deliver experiences. Some don't have the luxury of doing this, or the interest. But in order to even attempt to give a reader access to the feelings of surprise, fear, change that Nathan Keane, the opening character of the story, might have had on that morning when he first discovered a grizzly on his ranch, one needs these details. I'd offer that perhaps you might take them in aggregate, holistically - as you might a work of art. "Show, don't tell" is a common axiom among writers for a reason.

autoexec 3y ago
> But in order to even attempt to give a reader access to the feelings of surprise, fear, change that Nathan Keane, the opening character of the story, might have had on that morning when he first discovered a grizzly on his ranch, one needs these details. I re-read the first paragraph, and I disagree that all of it was critical for conveying his surprise. I'd do just as well with something like: > "Nathan Keane is an early riser. One early June day in 2020, as he waited for the coffee to brew, he glanced out the kitchen window and did a double take. There — no more than 30 feet from the house — was a grizzly bear." Maybe it's just because I have a good imagination, but also I think most people seeing a grizzly bear while making their morning coffee would be surprised. Knowing what time their kids get out of bed doesn't help with that. What I hadn't considered, is that this article should be looked at as art instead of as information. Art is allowed to get in the way of information. Art is also subjective, so some people might prefer this artistic style of writing that meanders in and out of the topic to take time for irrelevant minutia. Maybe it's because enough people do enjoy it that I keep seeing it. I was mostly looking for information, and so it annoyed me. I was just looking to learn something cool about bears, and not looking for an experience. I don't think information needs to be delivered in the most dry and boring way possible, but I don't like to waste my time either. Taken as information, the art got in the way. As art, well, this type of non-fiction storytelling might just not be for me.
- cherrypickin 3y ago
  Your rewrite is boring and makes the experience sound banal. You wanted the author to write a different kind of story, but they didn’t. They wrote this one.

autoexec 3y ago

> But in order to even attempt to give a reader access to the feelings of surprise, fear, change that Nathan Keane, the opening character of the story, might have had on that morning when he first discovered a grizzly on his ranch, one needs these details. I re-read the first paragraph, and I disagree that all of it was critical for conveying his surprise. I'd do just as well with something like: > "Nathan Keane is an early riser. One early June day in 2020, as he waited for the coffee to brew, he glanced out the kitchen window and did a double take. There — no more than 30 feet from the house — was a grizzly bear." Maybe it's just because I have a good imagination, but also I think most people seeing a grizzly bear while making their morning coffee would be surprised. Knowing what time their kids get out of bed doesn't help with that. What I hadn't considered, is that this article should be looked at as art instead of as information. Art is allowed to get in the way of information. Art is also subjective, so some people might prefer this artistic style of writing that meanders in and out of the topic to take time for irrelevant minutia. Maybe it's because enough people do enjoy it that I keep seeing it. I was mostly looking for information, and so it annoyed me. I was just looking to learn something cool about bears, and not looking for an experience. I don't think information needs to be delivered in the most dry and boring way possible, but I don't like to waste my time either. Taken as information, the art got in the way. As art, well, this type of non-fiction storytelling might just not be for me.

cherrypickin 3y ago
Your rewrite is boring and makes the experience sound banal. You wanted the author to write a different kind of story, but they didn’t. They wrote this one.