I don't know if it will help you, but I found Alan Watts' lectures comforting in some regard. What is your consciousness? Where does it start? Where does it end

I don't know if it will help you, but I found Alan Watts' lectures comforting in some regard. What is your consciousness? Where does it start? Where does it end? At what moment does the fetus in the womb go from a presumably unconscious egg and sperm to a thinking, feeling, being? The hard problem of consciousness (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_problem_of_consciousness https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hard_problem_of_consciousness) is a fiendish problem and while I don't like the idea of dying either, I also suspect that we might be more connected than we realize, which gives me some kind of solace.