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I hate the framing of problems and domains as hard because I found it so confusing when they turned out to be easy for me. It gave me a false sense of competenc

by smeej 3y ago

I hate the framing of problems and domains as hard because I found it so confusing when they turned out to be easy for me. It gave me a false sense of competence and superiority. Because I found calculus (and everything else in school people said was hard) easy, I thought I was just exceptionally capable and other people were incompetent and/or stupid. I didn't find out until much later (and it still feels like much too late) that I just had an aptitude for learning the subjects traditionally taught in schools in the ways schools normally teach them. I got lucky. Everybody else was just as capable at learning some things in some ways as I was at learning school things in school ways. They just didn't have the luck that their aptitude lined up with what was measured and lauded in childhood like I did. That meant they all got to learn how to work hard to learn things outside their areas of aptitude in school. I didn't. I didn't realize there were any such things that might matter someday. I think learning how to learn things that are hard FOR YOU is quite possibly the most important skill in life. The sooner you master it, the better. Framing some things as "hard" when everything is hard for some people and easy for other people undercuts the more important lesson.

travisjungroth 3y ago
> I think learning how to learn things that are hard FOR YOU is quite possibly the most important skill in life. I’d certainly agree it’s extremely valuable. There are some failure modes from taking it too far (like anything). People tend to be happier when they’re very good at things. You also contribute more to the world. If you’re always doing things that are hard for you, you won’t do as much or as well, really by definition. It’s okay to do things that are easy for you. There are a lot of upsides! Even if you choose an easy path, there will always be hard parts. So if you want to get anywhere, it’s essential to have practice navigating that. Just consider if that’s where you want to be all the time. I’ve done it myself and seen it in others, where you think you’re always challenging yourself, but you’ve actually just put yourself into a life that’s a bad fit.
- thrixton 3y ago
  This is very valuable advice. Find a niche, do one thing and do it well. You do you. Or if you want to be a generalist, that's very valid too, but again, you do you. The constant glorification of growth and the massive industry built around it doesn't help.
- smeej 3y ago
  I agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to spend your life focused on things that are hard for you, but since, as you said, there will be hard parts no matter what you do, learning how to learn the things that are hard is the critical skill. You don't really have to learn how to learn things that are easy for you. That's what gets them classified as "easy." But you'll never accomplish anything unless you learn how to work through those inevitable hard parts, and the sooner you can learn that, the better.
nine_k 3y ago
Ah, the trap of the gifted student! When everything other students find somehow hard is easy for you, you get a delusion that nothing is hard, and that putting in some effort is not necessary. A rude awakening may come at high school, or at college. Those who kept toiling just keep toiling, and overtake you, because.you're not used to pushing through. I think it's important to learn early enough that things are usually hard when you get far enough into them, and that it's OK, it's not a brick wall, it just takes some effort to keep advancing.
- bruce511 3y ago
  This extends into life as well. I play golf (for fun [2]), which cunningly has a scoring system that tells me I'm objectively rubbish, and getting (mostly) worse. I've found this professionally useful in combating the seductive idea that "because I'm -really- good at one thing, I'm good at everything. " I've seen the opposite in customers sometimes. Doctors who are very good doctors, have strong feelings about UI (that are objectively just wrong[1].) But because they operate in a culture which treats their word as law, they find it hard to accept that others may have skills in other areas they lack. If you are an expert in something I recommend including something else in your life to keep you humble. That humility allows you to be a better spouse, parent, and human being. (And ironically a better expert who's able to recognise and adopt an idea or solution that'd better than yours even in your area of expertise.) We choose to do these these things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. [1] think yellow comic sans italic text on blue background levels of wrong. [2] golf is fun precisely because it is hard. Things that are easy are not fun. The pleasure of 1 perfect shot out of 100 tries is the dopamine that keeps us coming back.
  - 59nadir 3y ago
    I've found that one of the best ways to dismantle an overblown ego is to play StarCraft (Brood War or SC2, the result will be the same) or really any other 1v1 game. The direct feeling of being beaten, potentially overrun completely, time and time again, especially after putting in hard work is very humbling. Fighting games are very good for this except they've always invited a certain mental block in people where they'll declare certain things "cheap" and end up offloading a lot of the humbling experience and not take it to heart. This type of scrub mentality exists everywhere but in fighting games it seems to come extra easy to people, perhaps because they have too many potential things they can blame (tier of their character, match-up supposedly being bad, etc.).
manmal 3y ago
For me, being able to do hard things is not something I learned as a kid. It’s a sum of: - ADHD symptoms being mild, - Having slept well (ties in with former point), and - Having no imminent major worries at the moment (family/health/financial). Any of these can make the difference between casually trying to understand quantum mechanics, and crawling under the table because I just can’t make this one rectangle on the screen do what I want.

by smeej 3y ago

travisjungroth 3y ago

> I think learning how to learn things that are hard FOR YOU is quite possibly the most important skill in life. I’d certainly agree it’s extremely valuable. There are some failure modes from taking it too far (like anything). People tend to be happier when they’re very good at things. You also contribute more to the world. If you’re always doing things that are hard for you, you won’t do as much or as well, really by definition. It’s okay to do things that are easy for you. There are a lot of upsides! Even if you choose an easy path, there will always be hard parts. So if you want to get anywhere, it’s essential to have practice navigating that. Just consider if that’s where you want to be all the time. I’ve done it myself and seen it in others, where you think you’re always challenging yourself, but you’ve actually just put yourself into a life that’s a bad fit.

thrixton 3y ago
This is very valuable advice. Find a niche, do one thing and do it well. You do you. Or if you want to be a generalist, that's very valid too, but again, you do you. The constant glorification of growth and the massive industry built around it doesn't help.
smeej 3y ago
I agree that it wouldn't be a good idea to spend your life focused on things that are hard for you, but since, as you said, there will be hard parts no matter what you do, learning how to learn the things that are hard is the critical skill. You don't really have to learn how to learn things that are easy for you. That's what gets them classified as "easy." But you'll never accomplish anything unless you learn how to work through those inevitable hard parts, and the sooner you can learn that, the better.

nine_k 3y ago

Ah, the trap of the gifted student! When everything other students find somehow hard is easy for you, you get a delusion that nothing is hard, and that putting in some effort is not necessary. A rude awakening may come at high school, or at college. Those who kept toiling just keep toiling, and overtake you, because.you're not used to pushing through. I think it's important to learn early enough that things are usually hard when you get far enough into them, and that it's OK, it's not a brick wall, it just takes some effort to keep advancing.

bruce511 3y ago
This extends into life as well. I play golf (for fun [2]), which cunningly has a scoring system that tells me I'm objectively rubbish, and getting (mostly) worse. I've found this professionally useful in combating the seductive idea that "because I'm -really- good at one thing, I'm good at everything. " I've seen the opposite in customers sometimes. Doctors who are very good doctors, have strong feelings about UI (that are objectively just wrong[1].) But because they operate in a culture which treats their word as law, they find it hard to accept that others may have skills in other areas they lack. If you are an expert in something I recommend including something else in your life to keep you humble. That humility allows you to be a better spouse, parent, and human being. (And ironically a better expert who's able to recognise and adopt an idea or solution that'd better than yours even in your area of expertise.) We choose to do these these things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard. [1] think yellow comic sans italic text on blue background levels of wrong. [2] golf is fun precisely because it is hard. Things that are easy are not fun. The pleasure of 1 perfect shot out of 100 tries is the dopamine that keeps us coming back.
- 59nadir 3y ago
  I've found that one of the best ways to dismantle an overblown ego is to play StarCraft (Brood War or SC2, the result will be the same) or really any other 1v1 game. The direct feeling of being beaten, potentially overrun completely, time and time again, especially after putting in hard work is very humbling. Fighting games are very good for this except they've always invited a certain mental block in people where they'll declare certain things "cheap" and end up offloading a lot of the humbling experience and not take it to heart. This type of scrub mentality exists everywhere but in fighting games it seems to come extra easy to people, perhaps because they have too many potential things they can blame (tier of their character, match-up supposedly being bad, etc.).

manmal 3y ago

For me, being able to do hard things is not something I learned as a kid. It’s a sum of: - ADHD symptoms being mild, - Having slept well (ties in with former point), and - Having no imminent major worries at the moment (family/health/financial). Any of these can make the difference between casually trying to understand quantum mechanics, and crawling under the table because I just can’t make this one rectangle on the screen do what I want.