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> couples have to reconsider the balance of power: Who’s working? Who’s the primary parent? And that’s coming with a lot of renegotiations Do you people really

by tayo42 3y ago

> couples have to reconsider the balance of power: Who’s working? Who’s the primary parent? And that’s coming with a lot of renegotiations Do you people really put this much conscious thought into their relationships? Idk sounds tedious. My SO and I just kind of exist and split bills and just do what feels right? Id probabaly be miserable too if I sat down and talked about roles like business.

svnt 3y ago
I feel like having children before having these kinds of discussions is a leading cause of divorce.
BLKNSLVR 3y ago
My better half doesn't like when I refer to us as "roomies with kids", but that's just because we're at that point in our lives when we're so busy with work and kid activities that we can go a few days without having any time for each other. We discuss this though. We know and acknowledge that this is just the situation, and it won't last forever (we'll both die eventually). :)
kashunstva 3y ago
> Do you people really put this much conscious thought into their relationships? I can’t speak for the rest of us people, but for my wife and I, yes. Kids introduce such a complexity into a relationship that I can’t imagine how we would support each other’s goals and our shared goals without making them explicitly-stated and all of the ways of doing that openly talked about. Some of it is business-like. Run the calendar, divide up tasks, etc. But some is like: “This (insert goal) is really important to me; is there a way we can make it work?” Not misery-inducing for us.
martindbp 3y ago
You have to think about these things when you have kids, how can you not? Especially during the pandemic, people were stuck in their houses with kids. It's almost impossible to get any work done with young kids in the house. Even as the pandemic was winding down we had so many restrictions at preschool that any little cold (of which every winter there is one every other week) meant staying home for about 7-10 days, which basically means one parent is busy taking care of the kid at all times. Add several kids with a rolling schedule of colds and stomach flu's and you have an untenable situation. You just can't have two parents working full time at that point, so someone has to sacrifice their career to some extent so that you can both stay sane. The pandemic was living hell for many families. And somehow the standards for how severe of a cold your kids can have before it's ok to send them to school have lowered permanently now, adding to the permanent pressures of parenting.
watwut 3y ago
Quite often, not talking about it means one of the two is miserable and increasingly ressentful. Pretty often, because there is actual unfair imbalance and no way to fix it. Or at least perception of imbalance.

by tayo42 3y ago

svnt 3y ago

I feel like having children before having these kinds of discussions is a leading cause of divorce.

BLKNSLVR 3y ago

My better half doesn't like when I refer to us as "roomies with kids", but that's just because we're at that point in our lives when we're so busy with work and kid activities that we can go a few days without having any time for each other. We discuss this though. We know and acknowledge that this is just the situation, and it won't last forever (we'll both die eventually). :)

kashunstva 3y ago

> Do you people really put this much conscious thought into their relationships? I can’t speak for the rest of us people, but for my wife and I, yes. Kids introduce such a complexity into a relationship that I can’t imagine how we would support each other’s goals and our shared goals without making them explicitly-stated and all of the ways of doing that openly talked about. Some of it is business-like. Run the calendar, divide up tasks, etc. But some is like: “This (insert goal) is really important to me; is there a way we can make it work?” Not misery-inducing for us.

martindbp 3y ago

You have to think about these things when you have kids, how can you not? Especially during the pandemic, people were stuck in their houses with kids. It's almost impossible to get any work done with young kids in the house. Even as the pandemic was winding down we had so many restrictions at preschool that any little cold (of which every winter there is one every other week) meant staying home for about 7-10 days, which basically means one parent is busy taking care of the kid at all times. Add several kids with a rolling schedule of colds and stomach flu's and you have an untenable situation. You just can't have two parents working full time at that point, so someone has to sacrifice their career to some extent so that you can both stay sane. The pandemic was living hell for many families. And somehow the standards for how severe of a cold your kids can have before it's ok to send them to school have lowered permanently now, adding to the permanent pressures of parenting.

watwut 3y ago

Quite often, not talking about it means one of the two is miserable and increasingly ressentful. Pretty often, because there is actual unfair imbalance and no way to fix it. Or at least perception of imbalance.