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Every night my wife and I put the kid to bed and just kind of zone out on the couch for two hours, each on our smartphones. We don’t talk. I kind of love it? Li

by rcme 3y ago

Every night my wife and I put the kid to bed and just kind of zone out on the couch for two hours, each on our smartphones. We don’t talk. I kind of love it? Like it’s not lonely but it’s a time for our brains just to do nothing after a long day. I’m sure we’d do something else if we didn’t have smartphones, but for us it seems ok.

idopmstuff 3y ago
Preach. Put some garbage reality TV on and she looks at IG while I look at Zillow or whatever. I work from home and she's home with the kid, so we're talking all day. Nice to just sit next to each other and relax.
- trustingtrust 3y ago
  Makes me wonder if the couples real reason is not the smartphones in this article but the fact that the relationship is already incompatible to begin with.
  - Groxx 3y ago
    I think it's mostly a symptom, yes. People in an un-good relationship look for things to take them out of it - phones are always available and don't have the same stigmas or costs as, say, always staying out late or lots of drinking[1]. Previously the blame often fell on TV, radio, news, etc, and now practically all of that combined is in your smartphone. It's really not surprising why people use them for distraction. Are they causing more problems than stuff before? Probably! Much of what's on it is explicitly designed to be addictive. But I suspect it's by a relatively minor amount, and mostly stolen from other also-bad-for-you options that have declined / been out-competed. People have done this kind of stuff for literally forever, phones didn't invent it. 1: Not to imply they should or should not have that stigma. Just that they exist and work as a distraction too, and few people will immediately judge you for using it, unlike many also-popular alternatives.
  - idopmstuff 3y ago
    Yeah, it seems fairly obvious to me that the underlying issue is that you're not being appropriately attentive to your partner. Whether that's because you're looking at a smartphone, addicted to meth, out of town on business constantly, working 20 hours a day on your new startup or whatever else is secondary.
astrange 3y ago
That doesn't sound like your brain doing nothing. On the other hand, there's something you could try called meditation. Though I wouldn't do it for two hours as you may literally lose your mind.
- smodo 3y ago
  I really need to expand on this a little. I’ve (mostly) recovered from a traumatic brain injury and this process forced me to consider all the work my brain has to do. Your brain can not signal its status to you like a limb, saying ‘this is too hard’ or ‘this hurts’. While this barrage of input at the end of the day may relax you in some ways, it is hard work for your brain. The effects of a tired brain are varied, but include trouble sleeping, memory issues, trouble reasoning, but also and often emotional issues(!) like irritability or sadness. Consider this in the light of the relationship issues discussed in this thread. Much has been made of mindfulness as some form of spirituality. It is also a way to give your brain a break in an economy that is set up to hold your attention for as long as possible. Like many here, I’m quite saddened by the inability or unwillingness of my loved ones to direct their attention away from social media.
- hombre_fatal 3y ago
  Despite common misconception, meditation isn’t your brain doing nothing either, though. You’re just shifting your awareness to it.
Groxx 3y ago
Yep. Lounge together, decompress, share the occasional thing. If we've got stuff to talk about, it mostly comes up other times. Down-time and idle-togetherness is good.
Foobar8568 3y ago
So much this, after a day in calls, commute, evening talking with kid(s), my brain has been overwhelmed for the whole day. These 1-2hours on the couch is just the resting time I need and followed by bed discussions and day closure.
n3storm 3y ago
Yup, that is stuff we did with books and magazines, but you are there to the other, as some one said, make a comment, share, ... It's differente when someone is constantly demanding smile, wear that shirt, go to somewhere new to take that pics to upload and share on IG, there is no "the other" in that activity, but "the others that like my posts"

by rcme 3y ago

idopmstuff 3y ago

Preach. Put some garbage reality TV on and she looks at IG while I look at Zillow or whatever. I work from home and she's home with the kid, so we're talking all day. Nice to just sit next to each other and relax.

trustingtrust 3y ago
Makes me wonder if the couples real reason is not the smartphones in this article but the fact that the relationship is already incompatible to begin with.
- Groxx 3y ago
  I think it's mostly a symptom, yes. People in an un-good relationship look for things to take them out of it - phones are always available and don't have the same stigmas or costs as, say, always staying out late or lots of drinking[1]. Previously the blame often fell on TV, radio, news, etc, and now practically all of that combined is in your smartphone. It's really not surprising why people use them for distraction. Are they causing more problems than stuff before? Probably! Much of what's on it is explicitly designed to be addictive. But I suspect it's by a relatively minor amount, and mostly stolen from other also-bad-for-you options that have declined / been out-competed. People have done this kind of stuff for literally forever, phones didn't invent it. 1: Not to imply they should or should not have that stigma. Just that they exist and work as a distraction too, and few people will immediately judge you for using it, unlike many also-popular alternatives.
- idopmstuff 3y ago
  Yeah, it seems fairly obvious to me that the underlying issue is that you're not being appropriately attentive to your partner. Whether that's because you're looking at a smartphone, addicted to meth, out of town on business constantly, working 20 hours a day on your new startup or whatever else is secondary.

astrange 3y ago

That doesn't sound like your brain doing nothing. On the other hand, there's something you could try called meditation. Though I wouldn't do it for two hours as you may literally lose your mind.

smodo 3y ago
I really need to expand on this a little. I’ve (mostly) recovered from a traumatic brain injury and this process forced me to consider all the work my brain has to do. Your brain can not signal its status to you like a limb, saying ‘this is too hard’ or ‘this hurts’. While this barrage of input at the end of the day may relax you in some ways, it is hard work for your brain. The effects of a tired brain are varied, but include trouble sleeping, memory issues, trouble reasoning, but also and often emotional issues(!) like irritability or sadness. Consider this in the light of the relationship issues discussed in this thread. Much has been made of mindfulness as some form of spirituality. It is also a way to give your brain a break in an economy that is set up to hold your attention for as long as possible. Like many here, I’m quite saddened by the inability or unwillingness of my loved ones to direct their attention away from social media.
hombre_fatal 3y ago
Despite common misconception, meditation isn’t your brain doing nothing either, though. You’re just shifting your awareness to it.

Groxx 3y ago

Yep. Lounge together, decompress, share the occasional thing. If we've got stuff to talk about, it mostly comes up other times. Down-time and idle-togetherness is good.

Foobar8568 3y ago

So much this, after a day in calls, commute, evening talking with kid(s), my brain has been overwhelmed for the whole day. These 1-2hours on the couch is just the resting time I need and followed by bed discussions and day closure.

n3storm 3y ago

Yup, that is stuff we did with books and magazines, but you are there to the other, as some one said, make a comment, share, ... It's differente when someone is constantly demanding smile, wear that shirt, go to somewhere new to take that pics to upload and share on IG, there is no "the other" in that activity, but "the others that like my posts"