I wish I could pass on some wisdom or tips for how to deal with estate crap better, but I don't know that there is. It's just a fucking slog. The best cases are

I wish I could pass on some wisdom or tips for how to deal with estate crap better, but I don't know that there is. It's just a fucking slog. The best cases are where you say the magic word, it gets you to a dedicated department staffed by real humans who actually know what they're talking about, sends you the right paperwork, and that paperwork finishes out what you need from them. The bad cases are basically an exercise in reverse engineering their org chart, to figure out what department is actually responsible for a given corner case, and how their policies and the legal regulations actually fit together. I remember being on the phone with Vanguard to sort something out, I think I got pinballed between 4-5 different ostensibly-human reps in changing departments. Each one profusely apologizing that they had to transfer me again, and I'm just laughing it off because it's the only way to survive. Get a durable power of attorney for your mother sooner rather than later. It won't solve everything, but can make some inquiries easier to just do on your own rather than needing a group project. Also health care proxy and a new will if those are necessary. IME old people can be very open to such changes soon after a death, but then become much more hesitant and procrastinatey months later. I think it's the difference between ascribing the reason to their partner's death, or to their own looming death. Strike while the iron is hot.