The way you phrase it, it sounds like what you really need is some kind of life and maybe career advice, something that needs more context than the few lines yo

The way you phrase it, it sounds like what you really need is some kind of life and maybe career advice, something that needs more context than the few lines you've written here. Maybe it would help to talk somebody a bit older? Do you have maybe a family friend or so that you could talk? There are also professional coaching available, which you might consider before a somewhat big career change.