3 ms·
If you have the means, I recommend placing her into memory care. I did that for my father and I have no regrets about the experience. In terms of day-to-day in
by Smeevy 3y ago
If you have the means, I recommend placing her into memory care. I did that for my father and I have no regrets about the experience.
In terms of day-to-day interactions, the best pieces of advice I received was to:
* redirect the conversation rather than argue or correct them.
* always flash a look like you just recognized them and are happy to see them before approaching.
* don't ask them if they remember something. They don't and will just rationalize a scenario in which you are antagonizing them.
* don't watch action/war movies with them around.
* don't inform or remind them of their condition. It just makes them sad for a bit and they'll forget anyway.
* ask them about distant childhood memories and play them their favorite music.
I hate to end on this, but this isn't a condition that gets better. There were good days and bad days and they eventually all became bad days. Spend time with your loved one and try to get as many of those good times as you can now.
- rayxi271828 3y agoI appreciate this, thank you for sharing. I spend so much time at work being logical and "fixing/troubleshooting" people's wrong thinking, that I often forget to flip the mode. On the memory care, I agree I think it would be best, but I come from an Asian culture where this will be viewed as a great transgression of how a child should take care of his/her parents -- so not an option I'm exploring at the moment. (I don't care about what other people think, but I do care about what my mother thinks, I don't want her to think I'm abandoning her, even if it's for her own good actually.)
- Smeevy 3y agoI can sympathize with your situation. If you don't have a formal diagnosis from her physician, that might be your next best move. I don't know where you live, but you or someone else that's involved should also look into getting medical power of attorney for your mother. There are a lot of difficult decisions coming up regarding her care and those are preparations best made early. Remember that many, many people have been through what you and your mother are going through right now. There's a wealth of available information for you. I also recommend that you visit a memory care facility just so you can get some of the pamphlets and other materials that they have on hand for families that are dealing with this. Finally, thinking of dementia as just a memory problem downplays how insidious it is. It's a loss of overall cognitive function that includes memory, reasoning, and the general ability to think. The only good part about it is that the person suffering from it doesn't typically know that it's happening. Best wishes and good luck. Your mother is fortunate to have someone who cares about her like you do.
- rayxi271828 3y agoThat's very kind of you, thank you again for this. I wish you the very best as well.