4 ms·

Ask HN: Are You Happy?

14 points by roschdal 3y ago

throwawaysleep 3y ago
Happy enough to not being willing to change very much about my life.
mnky9800n 3y ago
yes. i like my job. i love my gf. i like my life. things are good.
tiernano 3y ago
meh...
roschdal 3y ago
No
rubicon33 3y ago
The problem is many people will say “yes” after quickly adding up all the things in their life, but individually they live a life of quiet desperation.
- thorin 3y ago
  "Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way" Pink Floyd Time waits for no man
onemoresoop 3y ago
I've become a lot more happy when I made a family. There was that quiet desperation in the background that I muted out in favor of connectedness with my family. For now my main goal is simple, survive enough to see my child turn 20ish, I will be in my 60s. When/if I get there I may move goalposts. During this time I plan to spend as much time with my family as possible but I also have some hobbies that I need to tend to from time to time. Between family, work and my hobbies there isn't much time left to ruminate on existential fears. I am thinking about mortality on a daily basis though not with anxiety but with acceptance. I constantly remind myself how lucky I am to still be around. It's certainly not the same kind of happiness that I was seeking when I was younger. It's a quiet one, with contentment of any modest gains in my goals. Even some losses put into this perspective are somehow more bearable. Are YOU happy? What kind of happiness are you looking for? I didn't get what I was initially seeking but stumbled on something else which is arguably more meaningful. Did YOU find a meaning in YOUR life?
deanmoriarty 3y ago
I should be happy, but I’m not. 99% of my unhappiness comes from the fact that I wake up in the morning and think how I am going to waste my entire day at my job (highly paid FAANG “nonetheless”). Me being alive in this universe and at this point in time is such a miracle and rare privilege, and yet I waste most of it in Corporate America. The only thing I tried so far is changing jobs multiple times: I still feel the same.
pawelduda 3y ago
How about you OP?
markus_zhang 3y ago
Not happy as no anchor in life. Tried some hobbies but none sticks for more than 6 months. Guess it's a trial I have to figure out.
- thorin 3y ago
  What have you done in the past? Hobbies which other people can get involved in are a lot more fun for me, and give me some identity. My hobbies: Whitewater kayaking, Rock Climbing (not so much now), Hill Walking, Cycling, Music: Playing guitar, piano etc (better with other people), cooking reading etc. If you REALLY like tech meetups can be fun, but I prefer to do different stuff in free time compared to work.
  - markus_zhang 3y ago
    I have done some tech hobbies but they failed because most tech hobbies are more challenging than work. My work (data engineering) does not lead to any hobby so that's a dead end too. I'm also thinking about trying out some outdoor hobbies such as kayak and camping. But with a family and RTO there is little time left. Anyway I think the above are all execuses. The fault is on me not able to geit through the initial barrier (be it lack of time or patience) and reach the stage of free flow.
    - Graffur 3y ago
      it's not a you problem. while it's not uncommon to hear or see, 99% of people do not do Whitewater kayaking as a hobby.
      - markus_zhang 3y ago
        I agree, but my problem is not about kayaking. Not sure how to say it academically, but it's rare to be high, yet equally rarely to be too low as depression.
runjake 3y ago
Short answer: yes! Long answer: Yes, but life is still full of struggles and letdowns and obstacles and joy. If you eliminate the struggles and letdowns and obstacles, your life will become quite uneventful and you'll strangely desire them. One thing that has helped me is that when I don't know what I want to do with my life, I default to short-term goals of self-improvement. Namely, improving my diet, sleep, nutrition, mental health, taking on a new fitness hobby, etc. I think the key is framing things right[1]. 1. Unless you are depressed or have self-destructive thoughts. Then, you should seek professional counseling, which is immensely helpful. https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/
aristofun 3y ago
Yes, why?
cik 3y ago
I don't believe in happiness. I believe that too many people spend too much time chasing an elusive dream of happiness. This includes myself at various periods of my life. I believe in contentedness. I think that if more people (again, myself included) could live in the moment, they would be content. Being content sounds pretty great.

14 points by roschdal 3y ago

throwawaysleep 3y ago

Happy enough to not being willing to change very much about my life.

mnky9800n 3y ago

yes. i like my job. i love my gf. i like my life. things are good.

tiernano 3y ago

meh...

roschdal 3y ago

rubicon33 3y ago

The problem is many people will say “yes” after quickly adding up all the things in their life, but individually they live a life of quiet desperation.

thorin 3y ago
"Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way" Pink Floyd Time waits for no man

onemoresoop 3y ago

I've become a lot more happy when I made a family. There was that quiet desperation in the background that I muted out in favor of connectedness with my family. For now my main goal is simple, survive enough to see my child turn 20ish, I will be in my 60s. When/if I get there I may move goalposts. During this time I plan to spend as much time with my family as possible but I also have some hobbies that I need to tend to from time to time. Between family, work and my hobbies there isn't much time left to ruminate on existential fears. I am thinking about mortality on a daily basis though not with anxiety but with acceptance. I constantly remind myself how lucky I am to still be around. It's certainly not the same kind of happiness that I was seeking when I was younger. It's a quiet one, with contentment of any modest gains in my goals. Even some losses put into this perspective are somehow more bearable. Are YOU happy? What kind of happiness are you looking for? I didn't get what I was initially seeking but stumbled on something else which is arguably more meaningful. Did YOU find a meaning in YOUR life?

deanmoriarty 3y ago

I should be happy, but I’m not. 99% of my unhappiness comes from the fact that I wake up in the morning and think how I am going to waste my entire day at my job (highly paid FAANG “nonetheless”). Me being alive in this universe and at this point in time is such a miracle and rare privilege, and yet I waste most of it in Corporate America. The only thing I tried so far is changing jobs multiple times: I still feel the same.

pawelduda 3y ago

How about you OP?

markus_zhang 3y ago

Not happy as no anchor in life. Tried some hobbies but none sticks for more than 6 months. Guess it's a trial I have to figure out.

thorin 3y ago
What have you done in the past? Hobbies which other people can get involved in are a lot more fun for me, and give me some identity. My hobbies: Whitewater kayaking, Rock Climbing (not so much now), Hill Walking, Cycling, Music: Playing guitar, piano etc (better with other people), cooking reading etc. If you REALLY like tech meetups can be fun, but I prefer to do different stuff in free time compared to work.
- markus_zhang 3y ago
  I have done some tech hobbies but they failed because most tech hobbies are more challenging than work. My work (data engineering) does not lead to any hobby so that's a dead end too. I'm also thinking about trying out some outdoor hobbies such as kayak and camping. But with a family and RTO there is little time left. Anyway I think the above are all execuses. The fault is on me not able to geit through the initial barrier (be it lack of time or patience) and reach the stage of free flow.
  - Graffur 3y ago
    it's not a you problem. while it's not uncommon to hear or see, 99% of people do not do Whitewater kayaking as a hobby.
    - markus_zhang 3y ago
      I agree, but my problem is not about kayaking. Not sure how to say it academically, but it's rare to be high, yet equally rarely to be too low as depression.

runjake 3y ago

Short answer: yes! Long answer: Yes, but life is still full of struggles and letdowns and obstacles and joy. If you eliminate the struggles and letdowns and obstacles, your life will become quite uneventful and you'll strangely desire them. One thing that has helped me is that when I don't know what I want to do with my life, I default to short-term goals of self-improvement. Namely, improving my diet, sleep, nutrition, mental health, taking on a new fitness hobby, etc. I think the key is framing things right[1]. 1. Unless you are depressed or have self-destructive thoughts. Then, you should seek professional counseling, which is immensely helpful. https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/ https://988lifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/

aristofun 3y ago

Yes, why?

cik 3y ago

I don't believe in happiness. I believe that too many people spend too much time chasing an elusive dream of happiness. This includes myself at various periods of my life. I believe in contentedness. I think that if more people (again, myself included) could live in the moment, they would be content. Being content sounds pretty great.