4 ms·

> So to enter a relationship with someone you have to not love them while still loving them...? It's weird and even offending to hear "I love you" (said seriou

> So to enter a relationship with someone you have to not love them while still loving them...? It's weird and even offending to hear "I love you" (said seriously) from a person who doesn't know you well. My take is that you can say you are _in_ love and this may sound fine if delivered right. Still, better be sure that there is at least some mutual sympathy. Also highly language-specific I guess. EDIT: I personally find the non-verbal communication preceding the relationships much more fascinating. I am also curious if there are cultures with a polite probing mechanism which are not humiliating for both parties regardless of the outcome (reciprocity or the lack of such).

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staunton 3y ago
> I am also curious if there are cultures with a polite probing mechanism which are not humiliating for both parties I think to some degree, it's supposed to be humiliating in the failure case. The type of confession being discussed here is a "costly social signal". The willingness to bear the humiliation that ensues in the failure case is part of what makes the confession meaningful and a social trope in the first place. That being said, there's a lots of cultures with established social signals for relationship status. For example, the outdated "Ms" vs "Mrs" distinction, which is present on lots of languages/cultures, engagement rings, certain fashion choices... I guess in "western culture", the solution for probing is "asking someone out a few times". In the failure case, the rejecting party can say "I'd love to but I'm really busy at the moment" a few times and the rejected party takes the hint. I'm not sure this can be any less humiliating, barring some stuff involving cryptography.
mock-possum 3y ago
You could also say you’re falling in love with them - that’s the beginning of the process, that’s not quite full on “I love you.” “I’m falling for you” or “I’ve been having a crush on you” are also sort of ‘intro’s to full-blown love.

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staunton 3y ago

> I am also curious if there are cultures with a polite probing mechanism which are not humiliating for both parties I think to some degree, it's supposed to be humiliating in the failure case. The type of confession being discussed here is a "costly social signal". The willingness to bear the humiliation that ensues in the failure case is part of what makes the confession meaningful and a social trope in the first place. That being said, there's a lots of cultures with established social signals for relationship status. For example, the outdated "Ms" vs "Mrs" distinction, which is present on lots of languages/cultures, engagement rings, certain fashion choices... I guess in "western culture", the solution for probing is "asking someone out a few times". In the failure case, the rejecting party can say "I'd love to but I'm really busy at the moment" a few times and the rejected party takes the hint. I'm not sure this can be any less humiliating, barring some stuff involving cryptography.

mock-possum 3y ago

You could also say you’re falling in love with them - that’s the beginning of the process, that’s not quite full on “I love you.” “I’m falling for you” or “I’ve been having a crush on you” are also sort of ‘intro’s to full-blown love.