3 ms·
Mainstream American culture conceives of amorous relationships as fundamentally a fantasy of fortunate spontaneity, "the stars and planets coming into alignment
by imbnwa 3y ago
Mainstream American culture conceives of amorous relationships as fundamentally a fantasy of fortunate spontaneity, "the stars and planets coming into alignment", rather than something explicitly worked at formally; formalism, explicit terms, these are antagonistic and disrupt this fantasy of things 'just happening', and so have to be carefully approached, if at all.
This is not exhaustive, America is a big place, but in the major cities and on social media you will more often than not come upon this. Hence why you'll hear terms like 'chemistry', 'rizz', 'ick', etc amongst Millennials and Gen Z at least, as these terms describe positive and negative attenuations of the fantasy of spontaneity.
The majority of my co-workers are Tamil and Kaneda folk from India, many of whom are women, who're all in arranged marriages. I learned a lot talking to them about this experience as its mere existence is anathema in mainstream American culture.
- crazygringo 3y agoIt seems very clear which version you prefer, but why do you call it a "fantasy" of spontaneity? Because it happens all the time, it's no fantasy at all. You might not like it, but it very much exists. It's not just something from the movies, it's how basically everyone I know who's married got started. You're right that arranged marriage is very much anathema to mainstream American culture, since arguably the most central value of the country is that of individual choice/liberty.
- imbnwa 3y ago>It seems very clear which version you prefer, but why do you call it a "fantasy" of spontaneity? I should've been clearer: 'fantasy' doesn't mean 'false' here. More like 'embellishment', an additive, framing, to reality that makes it more palatable and exchangeable (symbolically). The point of bringing up arranged marriage demonstrates spontaneity itself is more radical than is framed in the case of mainstream rhetoric around amorous relationships rather than a partisan approval.
- midoridensha 3y agoThe problem with Americans and Indian arranged marriages is that they don't understand that, for modern arranged marriages, they're usually not forced upon anyone, but instead are basically a system where the parents play matchmaker.