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As an American who spends a lot of time traveling to Japan and who had experience living there (and who has dreams of moving back there once I pay off my studen
by linguae 3y ago
As an American who spends a lot of time traveling to Japan and who had experience living there (and who has dreams of moving back there once I pay off my student loans), I’ve done this type of confession twice; it’s quite different from the ambiguity that often occurs with forming relationships in America where people don’t know exactly where they stand. While it doesn’t remove all ambiguity (does she like me? Why is she holding my arm?), I like the being able to clearly articulate my feelings, and I also like the clear understanding from both parties not to behave like a couple until we mutually agree to become a couple. I generally find this aspect of Japanese dating culture remarkably refreshing compared to America.
- gautamcgoel 3y agoDid the girls accept?
- PartiallyTyped 3y agoThe same perspective exists in multiple places in Europe as far as I can tell. It certainly does where I come from.
- 331c8c71 3y agoSurprising for me. Can you maybe share some links?
- PartiallyTyped 3y agoNot really, just some anecdotes.
- MikeTheGreat 3y ago> Not really, just some anecdotes. He said, not sharing the anecdotes :) Having lived in the US all my life I'd love to hear more. Even if you don't want to share the anecdotes I'd be curious to know which European countries do this. And if you don't want to share that's fine, too. If I want 'slice of life' anecdotes there's always This American Life :)
- totallywrong 3y agoWhere? I've never seen that in Europe.
- totallywrong 3y agoDoes that mean nothing ever happens until you've agreed to a serious relationship? I do not see that refreshing or better in any way than our dating style.
- linguae 3y agoIt depends on the definition of “nothing.” Typically one would go out on a few dates, typically 3-5, until one of the people (usually the guy, but can sometimes be the woman) confesses. However, any forms of intimacy beyond simple flirtatious gestures are normally considered off-limits until both people agree to be in a relationship, such as kissing and even hand-holding. Granted, I’m speaking in terms of broad cultural norms; individuals may choose to do differently.
- 2muchcoffeeman 3y agoIt's "better" because there is a culturally accepted way to move things along to the next stage of potential relationship. So if you are not good at reading the situation, you get a formal way to approach things. From the anecdotes on the page, it also sounds like creepy or awkward folks have a formal way to be weird. Which sounds like a net positive. Society expects you to give your interest a heads up.
- totallywrong 3y agoThat just doesn't sound like a good thing. Dating is meant to be fun, awkward, wild, and everything in between, imo. It teaches you about yourself and other people. I would really hate having all that formality, but of course that's just my cultural bias.
- linguae 3y agoDon’t worry; dating in Japan can be fun, awkward, wild, and much more. My friends and I have our stories. Different cultures just have different scripts.
- 3y ago