4 ms·

Way ahead of you! Sadly I've already played out how that argument will go in my head a few times.

by detritus 3y ago

xxr 3y ago
How will that argument go?
- em-bee 3y ago
  i raised you. you have no business telling me what i can or can't do. ok, hopefully most people have a better relationship with their parents, but i do think for many it does come down to either being able to explain to them the dangers of social media so that they get it, or accepting their parents actions, because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move.
  - Tade0 3y ago
    > because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move. At some point one has to ask oneself: what's the best outcome for my child?
    - em-bee 3y ago
      well yes. what is the outcome for my children if i do not allow them to see their grandparents? to me, a good relationship with my parents (and inlaws) and between my children and their grandparents is more important than preventing any photos made of them.
      - jdbernard 3y ago
        You know the situation better than any of us here so trust your own judgement. However, it's more than just preventing photos. It's about respecting boundaries. At some point your parents need to respect your authority in your children's lives. They're your children, not your parents children. Ultimately you are responsible for their wellbeing. They should be supporting your parenting, not undermining it. This, obviously, is one issue among many, and may not be representative of a broader pattern. From your hesitation it sounds like this is one disagreement in an otherwise healthy dynamic. Again, you know better than us. But if it is a pattern, I encourage you to play that pattern forward. If your parents don't respect your boundaries, what does it look like if your parents don't respect your children's boundaries as they grow?
        deleted 3y ago
        [deleted]
        em-bee 3y ago
        i commented on boundaries here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36556098 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36556098 we seem to have different priorities. to some here it seems of primary importance that their parents respect their boundaries. to me, forgiveness, tolerance and a healthy relationship with my family is more important, and my boundaries that i don't want violated are much tighter.
    - CTDOCodebases 3y ago
      > At some point one has to ask oneself: what's the best outcome for my child? This is exactly the way it is supposed to work. Sad to hear that the commenters parents care more for cultivating their social media presence than the wishes of their own child.
      - em-bee 3y ago
        that is not what this subthread is about. this is about the question whether it is reasonable for me to threaten my parents to not let them see my children if they don't stop posting photos of them on facebook against my wishes. to me a good relationship with my parents is more important than staying out of facebook.
        em-bee 3y ago
        what's more, at least in germany, grandparents have a legal right to have contact with their grandchildren. i would have to convince a court that posting pictures on facebook is so harmful that this right should be revoked.
        CTDOCodebases 3y ago
        I understand your position and sorry if I have caused offense. I guess we just see things differently. To me a "good relationship with my parents" involves mutual respect of boundaries. It shouldn't even get to the point of threats. I understand that for some and maybe even yourself this may be an unlikely outcome or you might just think it not worth the effort on this particular issue given how pervasive social media already is.

Way ahead of you! Sadly I've already played out how that argument will go in my head a few times.

xxr 3y ago

How will that argument go?

em-bee 3y ago
i raised you. you have no business telling me what i can or can't do. ok, hopefully most people have a better relationship with their parents, but i do think for many it does come down to either being able to explain to them the dangers of social media so that they get it, or accepting their parents actions, because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move.
- Tade0 3y ago
  > because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move. At some point one has to ask oneself: what's the best outcome for my child?
  - em-bee 3y ago
    well yes. what is the outcome for my children if i do not allow them to see their grandparents? to me, a good relationship with my parents (and inlaws) and between my children and their grandparents is more important than preventing any photos made of them.
    - jdbernard 3y ago
      You know the situation better than any of us here so trust your own judgement. However, it's more than just preventing photos. It's about respecting boundaries. At some point your parents need to respect your authority in your children's lives. They're your children, not your parents children. Ultimately you are responsible for their wellbeing. They should be supporting your parenting, not undermining it. This, obviously, is one issue among many, and may not be representative of a broader pattern. From your hesitation it sounds like this is one disagreement in an otherwise healthy dynamic. Again, you know better than us. But if it is a pattern, I encourage you to play that pattern forward. If your parents don't respect your boundaries, what does it look like if your parents don't respect your children's boundaries as they grow?
      - deleted 3y ago
        [deleted]
      - em-bee 3y ago
        i commented on boundaries here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36556098 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=36556098 we seem to have different priorities. to some here it seems of primary importance that their parents respect their boundaries. to me, forgiveness, tolerance and a healthy relationship with my family is more important, and my boundaries that i don't want violated are much tighter.
  - CTDOCodebases 3y ago
    > At some point one has to ask oneself: what's the best outcome for my child? This is exactly the way it is supposed to work. Sad to hear that the commenters parents care more for cultivating their social media presence than the wishes of their own child.
    - em-bee 3y ago
      that is not what this subthread is about. this is about the question whether it is reasonable for me to threaten my parents to not let them see my children if they don't stop posting photos of them on facebook against my wishes. to me a good relationship with my parents is more important than staying out of facebook.
      - em-bee 3y ago
        what's more, at least in germany, grandparents have a legal right to have contact with their grandchildren. i would have to convince a court that posting pictures on facebook is so harmful that this right should be revoked.
        CTDOCodebases 3y ago
        I understand your position and sorry if I have caused offense. I guess we just see things differently. To me a "good relationship with my parents" involves mutual respect of boundaries. It shouldn't even get to the point of threats. I understand that for some and maybe even yourself this may be an unlikely outcome or you might just think it not worth the effort on this particular issue given how pervasive social media already is.