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I really messed up on this early in my step daughters life back when Facebook was the dominant platform. Posted all kinds of stuff. Fortunately for both of us,

I really messed up on this early in my step daughters life back when Facebook was the dominant platform. Posted all kinds of stuff. Fortunately for both of us, she was self aware enough to express discomfort with the idea once she understood what it meant. I stopped posting stuff without her express consent after that but I still regret it. The point is, don't do this to your kids.

detritus 3y ago
Unfortunately for me my parents don't at all see the issue in sharing photos they take of my daughter on the social platforms they frequent and think my concerns are overwrought. She's young enough now that it isn't a major issue, but when she's older and her face is going to be more like the one she'll spend the rest of her life with, there's going to be a big argument about it.
- mcpackieh 3y ago
  They almost certainly value seeing their grandaughter more than they value having facebook accounts, so you have a lot of leverage over them if you feel strongly about this. Threaten to cancel your future trips to visit with them if they don't knock it off. Explain your reasoning of course, it's not a response you want to take but your daughter's safety and privacy come first.
  - detritus 3y ago
    Way ahead of you! Sadly I've already played out how that argument will go in my head a few times.
    - xxr 3y ago
      How will that argument go?
      - em-bee 3y ago
        i raised you. you have no business telling me what i can or can't do. ok, hopefully most people have a better relationship with their parents, but i do think for many it does come down to either being able to explain to them the dangers of social media so that they get it, or accepting their parents actions, because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move.
        Tade0 3y ago
        > because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move. At some point one has to ask oneself: what's the best outcome for my child?
        em-bee 3y ago
        well yes. what is the outcome for my children if i do not allow them to see their grandparents? to me, a good relationship with my parents (and inlaws) and between my children and their grandparents is more important than preventing any photos made of them.
        jdbernard 3y ago
        You know the situation better than any of us here so trust your own judgement. However, it's more than just preventing photos. It's about respecting boundaries. At some point your parents need to respect your authority in your children's lives. They're your children, not your parents children. Ultimately you are responsible for their wellbeing. They should be supporting your parenting, not undermining it. This, obviously, is one issue among many, and may not be representative of a broader pattern. From your hesitation it sounds like this is one disagreement in an otherwise healthy dynamic. Again, you know better than us. But if it is a pattern, I encourage you to play that pattern forward. If your parents don't respect your boundaries, what does it look like if your parents don't respect your children's boundaries as they grow?
- ocdtrekkie 3y ago
  My parents had several issues with boundaries on this point, and in the cases they are allowed to see my kid, they are not allowed to take pictures. Pictures must be taken with my wife or I's phone. They're mad about it. I don't care.

detritus 3y ago

Unfortunately for me my parents don't at all see the issue in sharing photos they take of my daughter on the social platforms they frequent and think my concerns are overwrought. She's young enough now that it isn't a major issue, but when she's older and her face is going to be more like the one she'll spend the rest of her life with, there's going to be a big argument about it.

mcpackieh 3y ago
They almost certainly value seeing their grandaughter more than they value having facebook accounts, so you have a lot of leverage over them if you feel strongly about this. Threaten to cancel your future trips to visit with them if they don't knock it off. Explain your reasoning of course, it's not a response you want to take but your daughter's safety and privacy come first.
- detritus 3y ago
  Way ahead of you! Sadly I've already played out how that argument will go in my head a few times.
  - xxr 3y ago
    How will that argument go?
    - em-bee 3y ago
      i raised you. you have no business telling me what i can or can't do. ok, hopefully most people have a better relationship with their parents, but i do think for many it does come down to either being able to explain to them the dangers of social media so that they get it, or accepting their parents actions, because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move.
      - Tade0 3y ago
        > because threatening your parents that they can't see the kids of they don't stop is in most cases not a healthy move. At some point one has to ask oneself: what's the best outcome for my child?
        em-bee 3y ago
        well yes. what is the outcome for my children if i do not allow them to see their grandparents? to me, a good relationship with my parents (and inlaws) and between my children and their grandparents is more important than preventing any photos made of them.
        jdbernard 3y ago
        You know the situation better than any of us here so trust your own judgement. However, it's more than just preventing photos. It's about respecting boundaries. At some point your parents need to respect your authority in your children's lives. They're your children, not your parents children. Ultimately you are responsible for their wellbeing. They should be supporting your parenting, not undermining it. This, obviously, is one issue among many, and may not be representative of a broader pattern. From your hesitation it sounds like this is one disagreement in an otherwise healthy dynamic. Again, you know better than us. But if it is a pattern, I encourage you to play that pattern forward. If your parents don't respect your boundaries, what does it look like if your parents don't respect your children's boundaries as they grow?
ocdtrekkie 3y ago
My parents had several issues with boundaries on this point, and in the cases they are allowed to see my kid, they are not allowed to take pictures. Pictures must be taken with my wife or I's phone. They're mad about it. I don't care.