You're right, I should have said that what you're describing sounds like something that is very much not depression, as you're describing your experience as ben

You're right, I should have said that what you're describing sounds like something that is very much not depression, as you're describing your experience as beneficial, something thats overall positive to your life, not something harmful. And yeah I'm not a doctor, and if you have been diagnosed with depression I'm overstepping my bounds, but we all know that even professionals, especially in the field of mental illness make mistakes. But clearly a something painful is not necessarily the same as something that causes harm, and if the painful emotion you have is something that improves your life, that is the complete opposite of the definition of mental illness.