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There is no such thing as an extended family unless there are strong nuclear families to begin with. this concept is lost on so many people... But it's simply e

There is no such thing as an extended family unless there are strong nuclear families to begin with. this concept is lost on so many people... But it's simply easier to raise your kids with their grandparents aunts and uncles if grandma and grandpa had a good relationship and aren't divorce to begin with. Divorce is ultimately at the root of so many social ills but it's verboten to even mention

lapcat 3y ago
> but it's verboten to even mention You just did. I find it curious, though, that a number of commenters seem to focus almost entirely on the "present" aspect and not on the crucial emotional investment aspect discussed in the article: "when fathers are present and emotionally invested in children’s lives", the title of which says "what boys really need is emotional support from their dads". Presence alone is not necessarily helpful, and indeed can be harmful, as demonstrated by countless abusive parents. On the other hand, an emotionally invested parent can make a positive impact regardless of whether they're married.
- weberer 3y ago
  >>but it's verboten to even mention >You just did. And now his comment is grey.
  - lapcat 3y ago
    > And now his comment is grey. It's not, as far as I see now. Anyway, downvoting on HN is not the same thing as "verboten". Downvoting is a feature of HN that is supposed to put higher quality comments higher up and lower quality comments lower down. (I'm not saying it works, but that's the theory.)
xedrac 3y ago
I'm not sure it's quite that simple, as some marriages are toxic to children. But the general dissolution of the nuclear family is not a positive trend, and will have grave consequences for future generations.
- anon291 3y ago
  > I'm not sure it's quite that simple, as some marriages are toxic to children. Some marriages are, certainly, but all divorces are.
oblio 3y ago
> Divorce is ultimately at the root of so many social ills but it's verboten to even mention Divorce is frequently mentioned but as usual life is a compromise. I was reading recently about suicide and depression numbers for women, especially, going down significantly when divorce became socially acceptable.
jmopp 3y ago
> There is no such thing as an extended family unless there are strong nuclear families to begin with. I disagree on that point. It takes a village to raise a child, and a large enough extended family has space for all sorts. Not everyone is called to the married life: I agree that divorce is a problem, but divorce rates would go down quite a bit if those for whom marriage is not compatible with their personality didn't get married in the first place, and there was a space for them to thrive within the family/community.
- anon291 3y ago
  Again, I grew up in an extended family, being taken care of by grandparents, aunts etc. Singleness is not the problem. Single people are not opposed to a nuclear family. Divorce is. Divorce with children takes a family and breaks it apart. To compare divorce to singleness is disingenuous. > but divorce rates would go down quite a bit if those for whom marriage is not compatible with their personality didn't get married in the first place, and there was a space for them to thrive within the family/community. Being single is as socially acceptable as ever (in fact, it is slowly but surely becoming the default) and I see no sign of things improving.

lapcat 3y ago

> but it's verboten to even mention You just did. I find it curious, though, that a number of commenters seem to focus almost entirely on the "present" aspect and not on the crucial emotional investment aspect discussed in the article: "when fathers are present and emotionally invested in children’s lives", the title of which says "what boys really need is emotional support from their dads". Presence alone is not necessarily helpful, and indeed can be harmful, as demonstrated by countless abusive parents. On the other hand, an emotionally invested parent can make a positive impact regardless of whether they're married.

weberer 3y ago
>>but it's verboten to even mention >You just did. And now his comment is grey.
- lapcat 3y ago
  > And now his comment is grey. It's not, as far as I see now. Anyway, downvoting on HN is not the same thing as "verboten". Downvoting is a feature of HN that is supposed to put higher quality comments higher up and lower quality comments lower down. (I'm not saying it works, but that's the theory.)

xedrac 3y ago

I'm not sure it's quite that simple, as some marriages are toxic to children. But the general dissolution of the nuclear family is not a positive trend, and will have grave consequences for future generations.

anon291 3y ago
> I'm not sure it's quite that simple, as some marriages are toxic to children. Some marriages are, certainly, but all divorces are.

oblio 3y ago

> Divorce is ultimately at the root of so many social ills but it's verboten to even mention Divorce is frequently mentioned but as usual life is a compromise. I was reading recently about suicide and depression numbers for women, especially, going down significantly when divorce became socially acceptable.

jmopp 3y ago

> There is no such thing as an extended family unless there are strong nuclear families to begin with. I disagree on that point. It takes a village to raise a child, and a large enough extended family has space for all sorts. Not everyone is called to the married life: I agree that divorce is a problem, but divorce rates would go down quite a bit if those for whom marriage is not compatible with their personality didn't get married in the first place, and there was a space for them to thrive within the family/community.

anon291 3y ago
Again, I grew up in an extended family, being taken care of by grandparents, aunts etc. Singleness is not the problem. Single people are not opposed to a nuclear family. Divorce is. Divorce with children takes a family and breaks it apart. To compare divorce to singleness is disingenuous. > but divorce rates would go down quite a bit if those for whom marriage is not compatible with their personality didn't get married in the first place, and there was a space for them to thrive within the family/community. Being single is as socially acceptable as ever (in fact, it is slowly but surely becoming the default) and I see no sign of things improving.