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The opposite of emotional support is if you're crying, people around you say "don't be a baby." Actual emotional support can take a lot of different forms. I'd

The opposite of emotional support is if you're crying, people around you say "don't be a baby." Actual emotional support can take a lot of different forms. I'd say that it includes someone recognising the emotions you're having, not judging them, not stopping you from expressing them, and talking about the emotions afterwards if you're up for it.

danenania 3y ago
The really hard thing is finding the right balance. “Don’t be a baby” isn’t good, but over-compensating too far in the other direction doesn’t do a kid any favors either. There are times when being a good dad can mean (kindly) pushing kids out of their comfort zones or tempering excessive self-pity. I’m currently trying to teach my 4 year old daughter to swim, so this is very front-of-mind for me. If it was up to her, she would just splash around in the shallowest part by the steps without trying anything she’s afraid of, and she would never learn to swim. It takes gentle but insistent pushing from me to keep making progress. It’s a fine line—when I do it well, she tries new things and has a great time too. If I overdo it, she shuts down and won’t try anything else. The emotions that make her hesitant are totally valid and natural, and I try to empathize with her and talk about them, but I also can’t overly indulge those feelings, because she needs to learn to push past them in order to gain an essential life skill. It’s tough.
- AnnikaL 3y ago
  I agree 100% with this, but I think this balancing act doesn't have to be gendered as the common view of crying is.
  - rukuu001 3y ago
    Absolutely. It's just the easiest example.
- rukuu001 3y ago
  It's hard! There's not much space between emotional support and indulgence. Parents' anxieties fill that space tho :)
- oblio 3y ago
  > If it was up to her, she would just splash around in the shallowest part by the steps without trying anything she’s afraid of, and she would never learn to swim. It is a very fine line but this part is probably not true. She's 4 years old and doesn't need to learn to swim, unless you really want an Olympic swimmer. If she keeps going swimming in the shallow end, do you know what will happen? She will get bored and want different things (including deeper water). I see this kind of thing frequently, kids work at a slower rhythm than parents and parents are still human and have limited time and patience.
  - danenania 3y ago
    I’m curious whether you’ve seen kids learn to swim with that approach? There are definitely some kids that take to the water easily and push forward on their own, but I wouldn’t say it’s the norm. More often it seems like fear of going underwater especially needs a period of steady, concentrated effort to get past.
    - oblio 3y ago
      Maybe it was the phrasing from the comment I was replying to, but yes, I understand the fear. I'd just leave them alone, more or less, for a long time. If they see their parents swimming, the desire to try will come at some point. That's when the help should kick in, in my opinion.
    - Lacerda69 3y ago
      FWIW i learned swimming with that approach. It took longer than focused/professional lessons but I can swim fine.
      - oblio 3y ago
        More than that, you can do both. Take toddlers and small kids swimming and let them do things at their own pace and then have them take professional lessons when they're old enough to really understand the benefits of swimming and why overcoming the fear of drowning is a valuable asset.
  - 3y ago

danenania 3y ago

The really hard thing is finding the right balance. “Don’t be a baby” isn’t good, but over-compensating too far in the other direction doesn’t do a kid any favors either. There are times when being a good dad can mean (kindly) pushing kids out of their comfort zones or tempering excessive self-pity. I’m currently trying to teach my 4 year old daughter to swim, so this is very front-of-mind for me. If it was up to her, she would just splash around in the shallowest part by the steps without trying anything she’s afraid of, and she would never learn to swim. It takes gentle but insistent pushing from me to keep making progress. It’s a fine line—when I do it well, she tries new things and has a great time too. If I overdo it, she shuts down and won’t try anything else. The emotions that make her hesitant are totally valid and natural, and I try to empathize with her and talk about them, but I also can’t overly indulge those feelings, because she needs to learn to push past them in order to gain an essential life skill. It’s tough.

AnnikaL 3y ago
I agree 100% with this, but I think this balancing act doesn't have to be gendered as the common view of crying is.
- rukuu001 3y ago
  Absolutely. It's just the easiest example.
rukuu001 3y ago
It's hard! There's not much space between emotional support and indulgence. Parents' anxieties fill that space tho :)
oblio 3y ago
> If it was up to her, she would just splash around in the shallowest part by the steps without trying anything she’s afraid of, and she would never learn to swim. It is a very fine line but this part is probably not true. She's 4 years old and doesn't need to learn to swim, unless you really want an Olympic swimmer. If she keeps going swimming in the shallow end, do you know what will happen? She will get bored and want different things (including deeper water). I see this kind of thing frequently, kids work at a slower rhythm than parents and parents are still human and have limited time and patience.
- danenania 3y ago
  I’m curious whether you’ve seen kids learn to swim with that approach? There are definitely some kids that take to the water easily and push forward on their own, but I wouldn’t say it’s the norm. More often it seems like fear of going underwater especially needs a period of steady, concentrated effort to get past.
  - oblio 3y ago
    Maybe it was the phrasing from the comment I was replying to, but yes, I understand the fear. I'd just leave them alone, more or less, for a long time. If they see their parents swimming, the desire to try will come at some point. That's when the help should kick in, in my opinion.
  - Lacerda69 3y ago
    FWIW i learned swimming with that approach. It took longer than focused/professional lessons but I can swim fine.
    - oblio 3y ago
      More than that, you can do both. Take toddlers and small kids swimming and let them do things at their own pace and then have them take professional lessons when they're old enough to really understand the benefits of swimming and why overcoming the fear of drowning is a valuable asset.
- 3y ago