2 ms·

It's become clear to me in my mid 30s that I was very emotionally neglected as a child. I had literally no idea because I had nothing to compare it to, and the

by 93po 3y ago

It's become clear to me in my mid 30s that I was very emotionally neglected as a child. I had literally no idea because I had nothing to compare it to, and the behavior of my parents feels relatively normal for when I was growing up. It's my belief that this neglect has had a big role in the insecurity, lack of vulnerability, lack of self-esteem, and lack of honesty throughout my entire life. I don't blame my parents and I own my mistakes. But it's freaking wild to me that it's only now in my 30s that I'm going through emotional development that I can look back on and see people I knew in high school who had already done this sort of growth. After having read Running on Empty I started asking people about the dynamics with their parents growing up, and it really solidified how uncaring my childhood was in many ways.

bergerjac 3y ago
My childhood conditioning was also something which recently unraveled for me. The first time I had a heart-to-heart with my father, the center of my chest felt viscerally tender. Mother stole a car and sold it to pay for a cocaine addiction. Father was such a workaholic that he simply marked her behaviors as "strange"... like her taking phone calls into a closet. After the divorce my father had custody and remarried to continue his absence. (Normally left before I awoke, and I went to bed before he returned. He was even normally late for family dinners on holidays. When he was home, he was sleeping or watching TV) Sometimes stepmother would return from work and vomit anger onto me and my stepsister. (Only about 2 years ago I realized it was Verbal Abuse) Re-encoding memories was crucial for my awareness, and mental-emotional progress. It's challenging at first, but after processing a few traumas, now when a deeper layer surfaces, I know I can immediately bring it to a therapeutic resolution. "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."
Neil44 3y ago
I have a similar experience. I went to some counselling in my early 40s and we talked a lot about my childhood and family dynamics. It was one of the best things I've ever done in terms of my capacity for happiness (and the happiness of those around me).
ainiriand 3y ago
I have near 0 emotional intelligence because of that. Only small part I have it is due to my wife efforts on teaching me how to feel about others and my own feelings.
futevolei 3y ago
I’m 45 and only realized this a few years ago and I think about when my dad was 45 and it’s obvious he had no clue. He was all work, work, work, don’t complain, no crying, no weakness. I know he tried his best but man what a screw up…I’m thankful for my wife and friends who put up with my complete and total lack of maturity for so long. Like wow, what a heavy lift I threw at them and still do because I’m still not caught up and not sure I ever will be?

by 93po 3y ago

bergerjac 3y ago

My childhood conditioning was also something which recently unraveled for me. The first time I had a heart-to-heart with my father, the center of my chest felt viscerally tender. Mother stole a car and sold it to pay for a cocaine addiction. Father was such a workaholic that he simply marked her behaviors as "strange"... like her taking phone calls into a closet. After the divorce my father had custody and remarried to continue his absence. (Normally left before I awoke, and I went to bed before he returned. He was even normally late for family dinners on holidays. When he was home, he was sleeping or watching TV) Sometimes stepmother would return from work and vomit anger onto me and my stepsister. (Only about 2 years ago I realized it was Verbal Abuse) Re-encoding memories was crucial for my awareness, and mental-emotional progress. It's challenging at first, but after processing a few traumas, now when a deeper layer surfaces, I know I can immediately bring it to a therapeutic resolution. "It's never too late to have a happy childhood."

Neil44 3y ago

I have a similar experience. I went to some counselling in my early 40s and we talked a lot about my childhood and family dynamics. It was one of the best things I've ever done in terms of my capacity for happiness (and the happiness of those around me).

ainiriand 3y ago

I have near 0 emotional intelligence because of that. Only small part I have it is due to my wife efforts on teaching me how to feel about others and my own feelings.

futevolei 3y ago

I’m 45 and only realized this a few years ago and I think about when my dad was 45 and it’s obvious he had no clue. He was all work, work, work, don’t complain, no crying, no weakness. I know he tried his best but man what a screw up…I’m thankful for my wife and friends who put up with my complete and total lack of maturity for so long. Like wow, what a heavy lift I threw at them and still do because I’m still not caught up and not sure I ever will be?