4 ms·

About 80% of these are pretty cowardly and the others overly verbose. Saying “sure I’ll meet you later this year” is not saying no. It is either lying or just a

About 80% of these are pretty cowardly and the others overly verbose. Saying “sure I’ll meet you later this year” is not saying no. It is either lying or just a yes. Ignoring people with bounces is also lying and cowardly. Just say no. The one with the priorities is too long and vague. It is also known as “yes, and” as in “yes and which thing should I not do?” Much more to the point. People will respect you more if you literally say “no”. If you start saying things like “I can’t right now because …” that just invites people to do problem solving like “ok so what if I write the blog post, then can you do the job interview?”. A more direct variation is “no. I can explain to you why if you want”. Then the answer is clear and it signals there is no room for negotiation. That is a real no. Or just “no”

thyrox 3y ago
Yes they are mostly weasel ways of saying No. But humans are strange irrational creatures and for some reason even when you know what the other is doing it's still better to hear I would love to help you but.. phrase. I've tried the downright No after getting advice it's just better to say No directly, and I can tell you from experience that there is no better way to burn bridges and get people to dislike you when you do that. People seldom respect you for doing that. I think it's some strange disconnect from the theoretical and practical.
- mhb 3y ago
  Sure, but the examples given have neither grace nor style.
- rewgs 3y ago
  > I can tell you from experience that there is no better way to burn bridges and get people to dislike you when you do that. Agreed, with the caveat that I’ve almost always not regretted letting the bridge burn, because I dislike them for not being able to handle a simple but polite “no” as much as they dislike me for offering it.
whall6 3y ago
Agree entirely.
pavon 3y ago
> About 80% of these are pretty cowardly and the others overly verbose. Saying “sure I’ll meet you later this year” is not saying no. Only if you really mean "no" but are lying and saying that to be polite. Most of these aren't really about how to phrase "no", but how to think about prioritization and scheduling and in many cases "yes, but" or "no, but" are more appropriate than unconditional yes or no.

thyrox 3y ago

Yes they are mostly weasel ways of saying No. But humans are strange irrational creatures and for some reason even when you know what the other is doing it's still better to hear I would love to help you but.. phrase. I've tried the downright No after getting advice it's just better to say No directly, and I can tell you from experience that there is no better way to burn bridges and get people to dislike you when you do that. People seldom respect you for doing that. I think it's some strange disconnect from the theoretical and practical.

mhb 3y ago
Sure, but the examples given have neither grace nor style.
rewgs 3y ago
> I can tell you from experience that there is no better way to burn bridges and get people to dislike you when you do that. Agreed, with the caveat that I’ve almost always not regretted letting the bridge burn, because I dislike them for not being able to handle a simple but polite “no” as much as they dislike me for offering it.

whall6 3y ago

Agree entirely.

pavon 3y ago

> About 80% of these are pretty cowardly and the others overly verbose. Saying “sure I’ll meet you later this year” is not saying no. Only if you really mean "no" but are lying and saying that to be polite. Most of these aren't really about how to phrase "no", but how to think about prioritization and scheduling and in many cases "yes, but" or "no, but" are more appropriate than unconditional yes or no.