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These are all fairly obvious sadly. And as such are lacking in style, and grace is much harder with angry people who know what is up. These days when I say I

These are all fairly obvious sadly. And as such are lacking in style, and grace is much harder with angry people who know what is up. These days when I say I need to check my calendar people are instantly disappointed, everyone knows it’s beyond full. And I can memorably remember being screamed at extensively (by a higher up outside of my chain) in a meeting 20 years ago, for asking what needed to be deprioritized. I mean I use these all, but if people are going to be emotional about a no, they will see right through these, and you will have the same problems.

ericbarrett 3y ago
> And I can memorably remember being screamed at extensively (by a higher up outside of my chain) in a meeting 20 years ago, for asking what needed to be deprioritized. I think the list assumes you aren't being abused :( Screaming at a subordinate like that is abuse, full stop. If that's what one is dealing with, nothing on this list is going to help. I had a similar experience, in about the same era, and nothing on this list would have helped me, either. But it's still good advice! Some people just don't know how to say no, and it's tough watching them bury themselves with stress handling tasks that could have been deflected with no loss to the company, or even the one who asked.
swayvil 3y ago
How is screaming at your coworkers a thing? Doesn't that instantly disqualify you from the sane adults club?
- Calamitous 3y ago
  You would think. But while it’s not common, in my experience, it does happen. I recall one job I had in a startup where the CTO was a screamer; he’d literally storm around the programming pit shouting at everyone when he was in a mood.
- watwut 3y ago
  It obviously does. But, it will not harm your management career at all, so we get managers that verbally abuse people.
- snovv_crash 3y ago
  I was told in my last job that apparently the tech department was really sensitive because they didn't like being screamed at, for the rest of the company it was totally normal. I honestly don't get it, how can anyone do reasonable work in an environment where getting screamed at because the boss had a bad day is normal.

ericbarrett 3y ago

> And I can memorably remember being screamed at extensively (by a higher up outside of my chain) in a meeting 20 years ago, for asking what needed to be deprioritized. I think the list assumes you aren't being abused :( Screaming at a subordinate like that is abuse, full stop. If that's what one is dealing with, nothing on this list is going to help. I had a similar experience, in about the same era, and nothing on this list would have helped me, either. But it's still good advice! Some people just don't know how to say no, and it's tough watching them bury themselves with stress handling tasks that could have been deflected with no loss to the company, or even the one who asked.

swayvil 3y ago

How is screaming at your coworkers a thing? Doesn't that instantly disqualify you from the sane adults club?

Calamitous 3y ago
You would think. But while it’s not common, in my experience, it does happen. I recall one job I had in a startup where the CTO was a screamer; he’d literally storm around the programming pit shouting at everyone when he was in a mood.
watwut 3y ago
It obviously does. But, it will not harm your management career at all, so we get managers that verbally abuse people.
snovv_crash 3y ago
I was told in my last job that apparently the tech department was really sensitive because they didn't like being screamed at, for the rest of the company it was totally normal. I honestly don't get it, how can anyone do reasonable work in an environment where getting screamed at because the boss had a bad day is normal.