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The price for this lifestyle is paid after midlife. What are you going to do in your older days without a family?

toomuchtodo 3y ago
Whatever makes you happy. If you’re emotionally insecure or codependent, that could pose a problem of course (I recommend a therapist). But a family is by no means necessary to live a life that optimizes for high happiness levels.
- screye 3y ago
  > If you’re emotionally insecure Everyone is emotionally insecure. Some people are pathological insecure and need treatment, but no one is a paragon of emotional security. The most emotionally secure people I know, do it by addressing their insecurity through external factors. Eg: Finding a partner who provides affirmation, dealing with death by passing on your genes, getting past judgement by working with a patient partner, etc etc. Some people have outsourced some of these tasks to be therapist, but a therapist isn't your friend. A transactional relationship will always feel transactional, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. The truth is, that a strong relationship is just objectively more rewarding and comforting than perpetual singledom. That's because throughout a relationship, both people demonstrate 'non-transactional actions' that provide security to the other person. Marriage places a 50% of your net-worth cost on breaking a deal, which makes the traction itself untenable. Might sound like golden handcuffs. But if you want to be hand cuffed to be person, then that's just a golden bracelet. The second part of it is permanence. You might have a really strong community of people you aren't married to, but there is an upper bound of inconvenience past which you can't maintain a relationship. If they move to another town, its over. Your non-contract/blood-bound community does not persist over time. Marriage explicitly ties you together semi-permanently. People fly across oceans to be care takers for their family. That permanence gives you comfort. Marriage and family are social technology. They solved problems faced by everyone afflicted by the human condition. Sure, they have inconvenient bits attached to them, and that's because they are also fair. You get what you put in. It is not that it is impossible to live a happy life without family formalized in blood or a hefty contract. But, all alternative solutions I know of, are some version of building your own family. Just that those solutions usually require a lot more work to get the same level of comfort, belonging and security provided by a healthy traditional family.
  - deleted 3y ago
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yhavr 3y ago
For example, have a network of friends who follow the same path? Self-isolation in suburbs is a particular American bug. There are cultures where people actively socialise until death. Somebody should invite these lay-flatters to Southern Europe. They will definitely like Spain.
CapstanRoller 3y ago
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_of_choice https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_of_choice

Whatever makes you happy. If you’re emotionally insecure or codependent, that could pose a problem of course (I recommend a therapist). But a family is by no means necessary to live a life that optimizes for high happiness levels.

screye 3y ago
> If you’re emotionally insecure Everyone is emotionally insecure. Some people are pathological insecure and need treatment, but no one is a paragon of emotional security. The most emotionally secure people I know, do it by addressing their insecurity through external factors. Eg: Finding a partner who provides affirmation, dealing with death by passing on your genes, getting past judgement by working with a patient partner, etc etc. Some people have outsourced some of these tasks to be therapist, but a therapist isn't your friend. A transactional relationship will always feel transactional, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. The truth is, that a strong relationship is just objectively more rewarding and comforting than perpetual singledom. That's because throughout a relationship, both people demonstrate 'non-transactional actions' that provide security to the other person. Marriage places a 50% of your net-worth cost on breaking a deal, which makes the traction itself untenable. Might sound like golden handcuffs. But if you want to be hand cuffed to be person, then that's just a golden bracelet. The second part of it is permanence. You might have a really strong community of people you aren't married to, but there is an upper bound of inconvenience past which you can't maintain a relationship. If they move to another town, its over. Your non-contract/blood-bound community does not persist over time. Marriage explicitly ties you together semi-permanently. People fly across oceans to be care takers for their family. That permanence gives you comfort. Marriage and family are social technology. They solved problems faced by everyone afflicted by the human condition. Sure, they have inconvenient bits attached to them, and that's because they are also fair. You get what you put in. It is not that it is impossible to live a happy life without family formalized in blood or a hefty contract. But, all alternative solutions I know of, are some version of building your own family. Just that those solutions usually require a lot more work to get the same level of comfort, belonging and security provided by a healthy traditional family.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]

yhavr 3y ago

For example, have a network of friends who follow the same path? Self-isolation in suburbs is a particular American bug. There are cultures where people actively socialise until death. Somebody should invite these lay-flatters to Southern Europe. They will definitely like Spain.

CapstanRoller 3y ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_of_choice https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Family_of_choice