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Yeah, people feel less lonely when they’re around people who they like and who like them. “People feel more lonely when they’re around other people” is the type

Yeah, people feel less lonely when they’re around people who they like and who like them. “People feel more lonely when they’re around other people” is the type of stuff you could only find on the internet or in academia, you can logic yourself into it but it’s so far beyond common sense it’s insane

jprete 3y ago
Anecdotally, I disagree. I definitely feel more lonely when I’m in large groups and feel disconnected. If I’m alone, I’m not lonely unless I’m thinking about those large groups and my absence of connection - and I can even feel lonely if my connections just aren’t available at a given moment.
gryn 3y ago
well I guess it's the kind of thing you have to experience to believe. from my personal experience, being with the wrong crowd can definitely make you more lonely than being alone doing your own thing.
Swizec 3y ago
> “People feel more lonely when they’re around other people” Oh it’s entirely easy to be super lonely when surrounded by other people. The easiest way to achieve this that I’ve found is being a +1 at a wedding. You’re surrounded with people you’ve never met who all know each other pretty well and have tight bonds. Makes you feel super isolated and alone in a way that just isn’t noticeable in an empty room.
- xyzelement 3y ago
  I used to feel like this and yes at weddings in particular. At some point I realized that I am not the only +1 at this wedding and somehow those other +1s aren't fucked up in their head about it. Eventually you realize your agency. Like you can for example spot the other +1 and strike up a conversation.
  - Swizec 3y ago
    > Eventually you realize your agency Oh that's not the problem at all for me. I am perfectly capable of feeling lonely right through that entire super fun engaging conversation with strangers. Because a conversation doesn't scratch that same itch. Like eating potato chips when what you really need is steak.
    - xyzelement 3y ago
      It's not a good metaphor because a potato chips conversation can end up a steak conversation
      - Swizec 3y ago
        Sometimes yes sometimes no. Sometimes steak just isn't available, but you can have a great roast instead.
scotty79 3y ago
> Yeah, people feel less lonely when they’re around people who they like and who like them. Not necessarily. I often visit my mum and her partner. I love them both and they love me. Yet, I feel more lonely when I live with them than when I live alone. I can even see it in the intensity of my online chatting and dating app use. Presence of nice people just makes me more hungry for connection. "Appetite comes with eating."
seryoiupfurds 3y ago
I'd say it's not "people who are often around other people are lonelier than people who are not", but rather "people who are lonely, feel lonelier when they're around other people." I definitely relate to the latter. I can go for a long bike ride by myself and feel blissfully content, but standing in the corner at a social event where everyone else is having a good time is intensely lonely and isolating.
- xyzelement 3y ago
  I can relate to this and I think it's about this: // standing in the corner at a social event where everyone else is having a good time I used to be like that, and I would judge the people I was disconnected from like they are dumb for having a good time. Eventually I figured out, I was the standoffish jerk - and forced myself to learn how to go say hi and be more part of the group (although I am still not amazing at it, I realize that if I am disconnected in the corner, it's because of what I have chosen to do/not do)
guy98238710 3y ago
It's the contrast. Like with impossible/imaginary colors. People are apparently comparing themselves to others.
coldtea 3y ago
It's very basic common sense. You might even be saying the same thing and not realize it. They don't say people feel more lonely "when around people who they like and who like them". They say LONELY people feel more lonely "when around people", that is, when they are around people who don't care for them. Like a lonely person at a club full of people where everybody else seems to have friends or a partner. That's what they say, which is absolutely common sense. Not that people feel lonelier when with their friends - as you might have understood it.
nativecoinc 3y ago
> Yeah, people feel less lonely when they’re around people who they like and who like them. People who they like and who like them. And you don’t think that that is a massive caveat? The original claim was just “people”, not “fantastic and awesome people”. > “People feel more lonely when they’re around other people” is the type of stuff you could only find on the internet or in academia, you can logic yourself into it but it’s so far beyond common sense it’s insane And who are you to make this statement? Only on the Internet and in academia? I don’t know what “only on the Internet” is supposed to mean. That everyone lies on the Internet or that none of them (us) are real people? I’ve seen people who have made this claim. On the Internet at least. (How candid are random people about this “in real life”?) They seemed sincere enough about it. I don’t even know what the hell you are getting at with “logic yourself into”, as if how people feel is just a philosophical-analytical experiment gone wrong. Get a grip.

jprete 3y ago

Anecdotally, I disagree. I definitely feel more lonely when I’m in large groups and feel disconnected. If I’m alone, I’m not lonely unless I’m thinking about those large groups and my absence of connection - and I can even feel lonely if my connections just aren’t available at a given moment.

gryn 3y ago

well I guess it's the kind of thing you have to experience to believe. from my personal experience, being with the wrong crowd can definitely make you more lonely than being alone doing your own thing.

Swizec 3y ago

> “People feel more lonely when they’re around other people” Oh it’s entirely easy to be super lonely when surrounded by other people. The easiest way to achieve this that I’ve found is being a +1 at a wedding. You’re surrounded with people you’ve never met who all know each other pretty well and have tight bonds. Makes you feel super isolated and alone in a way that just isn’t noticeable in an empty room.

xyzelement 3y ago
I used to feel like this and yes at weddings in particular. At some point I realized that I am not the only +1 at this wedding and somehow those other +1s aren't fucked up in their head about it. Eventually you realize your agency. Like you can for example spot the other +1 and strike up a conversation.
- Swizec 3y ago
  > Eventually you realize your agency Oh that's not the problem at all for me. I am perfectly capable of feeling lonely right through that entire super fun engaging conversation with strangers. Because a conversation doesn't scratch that same itch. Like eating potato chips when what you really need is steak.
  - xyzelement 3y ago
    It's not a good metaphor because a potato chips conversation can end up a steak conversation
    - Swizec 3y ago
      Sometimes yes sometimes no. Sometimes steak just isn't available, but you can have a great roast instead.

scotty79 3y ago

> Yeah, people feel less lonely when they’re around people who they like and who like them. Not necessarily. I often visit my mum and her partner. I love them both and they love me. Yet, I feel more lonely when I live with them than when I live alone. I can even see it in the intensity of my online chatting and dating app use. Presence of nice people just makes me more hungry for connection. "Appetite comes with eating."

seryoiupfurds 3y ago

I'd say it's not "people who are often around other people are lonelier than people who are not", but rather "people who are lonely, feel lonelier when they're around other people." I definitely relate to the latter. I can go for a long bike ride by myself and feel blissfully content, but standing in the corner at a social event where everyone else is having a good time is intensely lonely and isolating.

xyzelement 3y ago
I can relate to this and I think it's about this: // standing in the corner at a social event where everyone else is having a good time I used to be like that, and I would judge the people I was disconnected from like they are dumb for having a good time. Eventually I figured out, I was the standoffish jerk - and forced myself to learn how to go say hi and be more part of the group (although I am still not amazing at it, I realize that if I am disconnected in the corner, it's because of what I have chosen to do/not do)

guy98238710 3y ago

It's the contrast. Like with impossible/imaginary colors. People are apparently comparing themselves to others.

coldtea 3y ago

It's very basic common sense. You might even be saying the same thing and not realize it. They don't say people feel more lonely "when around people who they like and who like them". They say LONELY people feel more lonely "when around people", that is, when they are around people who don't care for them. Like a lonely person at a club full of people where everybody else seems to have friends or a partner. That's what they say, which is absolutely common sense. Not that people feel lonelier when with their friends - as you might have understood it.

nativecoinc 3y ago

> Yeah, people feel less lonely when they’re around people who they like and who like them. People who they like and who like them. And you don’t think that that is a massive caveat? The original claim was just “people”, not “fantastic and awesome people”. > “People feel more lonely when they’re around other people” is the type of stuff you could only find on the internet or in academia, you can logic yourself into it but it’s so far beyond common sense it’s insane And who are you to make this statement? Only on the Internet and in academia? I don’t know what “only on the Internet” is supposed to mean. That everyone lies on the Internet or that none of them (us) are real people? I’ve seen people who have made this claim. On the Internet at least. (How candid are random people about this “in real life”?) They seemed sincere enough about it. I don’t even know what the hell you are getting at with “logic yourself into”, as if how people feel is just a philosophical-analytical experiment gone wrong. Get a grip.