4 ms·

As a woman, men who are focused on stuff like this (beyond basic physical and financial health) scare and repel me.

by 888666 3y ago

inconceivable 3y ago
yeah, guys working on improving themselves is pretty creepy, especially when they talk about it on the internet. and how would you know they're trying to become a more confident, well dressed, decisive and assertive version of themselves, anyway? 9. never tell women you are working on this stuff actively because it is extremely creepy to them that you are trying to pull yourself up from being unattractive. above comment is saying so, in plain english. the very thought that you would want to improve yourself is repulsive. general rule of thumb is just shut the fuck up about it and avoid over-sharing. "just so you know, i'm working on not being a needy dork that texts you 24/7. i hope to be more attractive to you by working on my ability to make decisions for myself without being devastated when someone tells me their opinion of me. do you like me more now? how about now? how about now?"
- habinero 3y ago
  No, trying to better yourself is fine. Following that advice isn't bettering yourself, you're essentially just doing the human version of SEO. You aren't becoming a better or kinder or more interesting person, nor are you working on your ability to make real human connections with others. And a lot of you will say, so what? If it gets me a girlfriend, what does it matter? These are the dudes who get dumped or divorced and never see it coming, because they never bothered to learn how to relate to people.
  - inconceivable 3y ago
    > These are the dudes who get dumped or divorced and never see it coming no, i do believe you have it exactly backwards. you're also just making up straw man arguments like "can't connect with people". i didn't even mention that, or hobbies, or charity, or anything. pure fiction in your mind. you see a post about 'self improvement' and your mind just fills in the blanks with your own assumptions. you probably didn't actually read half the post.
    - habinero 3y ago
      Oh, I read it. I'm commenting on what you chose to emphasize and what you left out, because that speaks volumes about what you value. Almost all of the advice was around superficial, self-centered things. All of it was about you getting something you want, and none of it was about being a net positive in someone else's life. It comes off as cold and selfish.
      - inconceivable 3y ago
        yeah, so you took something i didn't say, and just made it up. you even gave me an opinion on this made up topic. that's called a straw man. that's the literal definition of one. i know, you're probably the kind of person who doesn't usually commit logical fallacies. except when you do, of course. either way: be fit, make money, don't be needy, dress well, be good at sex, work hard to overcome height/race, move past breakups, keep working to improve. these are somehow selfish? HAHA okay buddy. then again, hey you know you could NOT follow my advice, and be fat, broke, needy, schlubby, lame at sex, lazy, heartbroken, and give up.
        habinero 3y ago
        If you want to do them, fine. But they're not going to make you successful at relationships, because everything about them has to do with you.
patrick451 3y ago
And what would you rather they do? Just "be themselves"? That advice is one of the primary root causes of the incel epidemic.
- habinero 3y ago
  The problem is y'all keep trying to run last century's playbook. Relationships are no longer transactional. The age of the breadwinner and provider are over. Women are no longer forced to stay home while you toil in the mines or whatever. You're optional. Because you're optional, you need to be more desirable than no relationship and frankly, a lot of you aren't.
  - inconceivable 3y ago
    > Relationships are no longer transactional LOL. buddy. i've got some news for you. the fact that you can't actually point to a single thing i said (not something you just made up out of thin air) and claim it is actually WRONG, means you're just angry at my opinion.
    - habinero 3y ago
      See, this is what I mean. You have an extremely cynical, corrosive view of relationships, and it leads you to post things like this and assume other people are angry, too. Relationships aren't something you acquire, they're something you build. You need to be a net asset to your partner, and just bringing home money doesn't count.
  - abwizz 3y ago
    > Relationships are no longer transactional why would that be? "everything in the world is about sex, except sex, which is about power"
    - habinero 3y ago
      Because it's not true?

As a woman, men who are focused on stuff like this (beyond basic physical and financial health) scare and repel me.

by 888666 3y ago

As a woman, men who are focused on stuff like this (beyond basic physical and financial health) scare and repel me.

yeah, guys working on improving themselves is pretty creepy, especially when they talk about it on the internet. and how would you know they're trying to become a more confident, well dressed, decisive and assertive version of themselves, anyway? 9. never tell women you are working on this stuff actively because it is extremely creepy to them that you are trying to pull yourself up from being unattractive. above comment is saying so, in plain english. the very thought that you would want to improve yourself is repulsive. general rule of thumb is just shut the fuck up about it and avoid over-sharing. "just so you know, i'm working on not being a needy dork that texts you 24/7. i hope to be more attractive to you by working on my ability to make decisions for myself without being devastated when someone tells me their opinion of me. do you like me more now? how about now? how about now?"

habinero 3y ago
No, trying to better yourself is fine. Following that advice isn't bettering yourself, you're essentially just doing the human version of SEO. You aren't becoming a better or kinder or more interesting person, nor are you working on your ability to make real human connections with others. And a lot of you will say, so what? If it gets me a girlfriend, what does it matter? These are the dudes who get dumped or divorced and never see it coming, because they never bothered to learn how to relate to people.
- inconceivable 3y ago
  > These are the dudes who get dumped or divorced and never see it coming no, i do believe you have it exactly backwards. you're also just making up straw man arguments like "can't connect with people". i didn't even mention that, or hobbies, or charity, or anything. pure fiction in your mind. you see a post about 'self improvement' and your mind just fills in the blanks with your own assumptions. you probably didn't actually read half the post.
  - habinero 3y ago
    Oh, I read it. I'm commenting on what you chose to emphasize and what you left out, because that speaks volumes about what you value. Almost all of the advice was around superficial, self-centered things. All of it was about you getting something you want, and none of it was about being a net positive in someone else's life. It comes off as cold and selfish.
    - inconceivable 3y ago
      yeah, so you took something i didn't say, and just made it up. you even gave me an opinion on this made up topic. that's called a straw man. that's the literal definition of one. i know, you're probably the kind of person who doesn't usually commit logical fallacies. except when you do, of course. either way: be fit, make money, don't be needy, dress well, be good at sex, work hard to overcome height/race, move past breakups, keep working to improve. these are somehow selfish? HAHA okay buddy. then again, hey you know you could NOT follow my advice, and be fat, broke, needy, schlubby, lame at sex, lazy, heartbroken, and give up.
      - habinero 3y ago
        If you want to do them, fine. But they're not going to make you successful at relationships, because everything about them has to do with you.

patrick451 3y ago

And what would you rather they do? Just "be themselves"? That advice is one of the primary root causes of the incel epidemic.

habinero 3y ago
The problem is y'all keep trying to run last century's playbook. Relationships are no longer transactional. The age of the breadwinner and provider are over. Women are no longer forced to stay home while you toil in the mines or whatever. You're optional. Because you're optional, you need to be more desirable than no relationship and frankly, a lot of you aren't.
- inconceivable 3y ago
  > Relationships are no longer transactional LOL. buddy. i've got some news for you. the fact that you can't actually point to a single thing i said (not something you just made up out of thin air) and claim it is actually WRONG, means you're just angry at my opinion.
  - habinero 3y ago
    See, this is what I mean. You have an extremely cynical, corrosive view of relationships, and it leads you to post things like this and assume other people are angry, too. Relationships aren't something you acquire, they're something you build. You need to be a net asset to your partner, and just bringing home money doesn't count.
- abwizz 3y ago
  > Relationships are no longer transactional why would that be? "everything in the world is about sex, except sex, which is about power"
  - habinero 3y ago
    Because it's not true?