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When I was a kid we repaired everything: darned our clothes, fixed the car, radio, etc. My parents taught us these then essential life skills. In addition, si

• deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
• gowld 3y ago
  > A gift also feels like a burden has been handed to me Donate it immediately, unopened. It can be resold. With any luck, it will be obtained by someone who wants it, or be passed around as a currency totem forever, and never become waste.
• yboris 3y ago
  "A gift is a burden" - I feel the same way about it. I'm almost 40 years old and have barely bought any items of clothing in a decade -- my parents keep gifting me things (some I've finally started giving to Goodwill), but much of my clothes I care for well so it takes many years before they are bad enough to throw out. It's an unpleasant feeling - I feel pain buying more when I have so much, so I haven't been able to buy things I like (or clothing that I feel expresses my style) in years.
  • fredley 3y ago
    This articulates a feeling that I've had for a long time. I struggle to buy gifts, which probably does me no favours socially, for this reason. I can't help but feel the burden I'm giving to someone else. Christmas is hell.
    • colecut 3y ago
      I agree with this sentiment. It feels so nice when I think of something that I know someone needs or will use. That's very difficult to do for everyone I know closely all on the same date.
    • ghaff 3y ago
      The right consumables make a lot more sense past a certain point. For me, if I want/need something, I'll just buy it. Other things can be nice especially if I've talked about them but have been procrastinating about taking the plunge--though then that probably means they're a lot for a casual gift. I could probably get rid of half the stuff in my house and not miss it.
    • antod 3y ago
      I also hate Christmas for similar reasons. Choosing gifts that don't feel like giving unnecessary junk/clutter is very hard and stressful. It has got a bit easier as I get older and the circle shrinks a bit, plus usually we only give food/drink gifts now, often homemade which helps.
  • xamuel 3y ago
    You might be short-changing yourself more than you realize. I was similar for most my life, but this year I decided to learn about fashion and actually dress nice. Not only do I look a million times better, but---surprisingly---it actually physically feels better when your clothes fit just right. It's like they're hugging you throughout your day as you wear them. Can't believe I went so many years without ever realizing this. Probably a lot here on HN who grew up poor and became "new money" through software dev are short-changing themselves like this.
    • 3y ago
• ryandrake 3y ago
  > It also shocks me that so many people don't know how to repair anything -- though the rational part of my mind wonders if they might be making the right call. I can see knowing how to repair things but choosing not to: Maybe your high income means the time you might use to repair it could be better spent making money. Maybe you're busy with something today, and are willing to pay for the convenience of having someone else do it. Maybe you're getting old and just can't get on your back and do complex auto wrenching anymore. But, I see people (mostly younger than myself) who never even learned to do even basic, basic home/auto repairs. I'm not talking brake jobs and kitchen remodels, I'm talking they can't change a flat tire, replace a leaking sink supply hose, or hell even vacuum their own apartment. They pay people to do everything. That's shocking to me. I kind of just naively thought everyone just gets taught this stuff when they're teenagers.
  • greiskul 3y ago
    Welcome to the Brazilianization of the world (https://americanaffairsjournal.org/2021/05/the-brazilianization-of-the-world/ https://americanaffairsjournal.org/2021/05/the-brazilianizat...). As social inequality increases, people with more money start being able to afford services much more easily. Do you think British nobility used to vaccuum their own homes? Ask someone with money how the Brazilian upper middle class used to live. Or ask people in India. Doctors can afford to have people to clean up their houses, to cook their food, everything.
    • devilbunny 3y ago
      I’m a doctor. I’m married to a doctor. We have no children. We have a once a week housekeeper who does some laundry and puts up the dishes and vacuums the place. We do not have a cook, unless you mean ordering takeout. Medicine pays well, but it’s all W2 or 1099, not something like getting stock and long term capital gains.
      • greiskul 3y ago
        Sorry, I did not mean doctors in North America. But if you go to rural Brazil, or to India, that's the living style that many doctors can and do afford.
• rcktmrtn 3y ago
  > It also shocks me that so many people don't know how to repair anything -- though the rational part of my mind wonders if they might be making the right call. It's a hard line to draw. Consumerism/throw-away culture isn't (and can't and shouldn't be) a historic norm so participating in it will ultimately alienate people from most people who have and will exist across time. On the other hand, not participating at all will alienate you from a lot of people now.
  • miahwilde 3y ago
    Disagree. "Throw-away" culture has been a historic norm and can actually become a moral "should". Cultures that produce "toxic" waste products (such as the current dominant one) do indeed have a moral imperative to do what they can to reduce waste. However, cultures that produce "beneficial" waste have a moral imperative to produce more. "Throw-away" culture has its roots in the long history of humans where "throwing things away" was just returning resources into the larger ecological systems. In this model, who gets alienated over the long arc of time?
    • gumby 3y ago
      This is a great point: 'long history of humans where "throwing things away" was just returning resources into the larger ecological systems'. One of our team is an anthropologist. She once mentioned that there's a lot of trash around in many agricultural communities in "developing countries". And indeed, earlier the culture was that when you ate a piece of fruit you just tossed the rind into the bushes or on the field and went on your way. There aren't public rubbish bins in these small villages, so what happens is plastic bottles and chips bags fly around.
    • rcktmrtn 3y ago
      > Disagree. "Throw-away" culture has been a historic norm and can actually become a moral "should" > However, cultures that produce "beneficial" waste have a moral imperative to produce more To me "throw-away" culture very much implies with it that what you're throwing away something toxic without considering the about consequences -- maybe you could say "composting" culture as an alternative. And in that context, there isn't really "waste" at a system level, only on an individual one. It's a good point that there is all the difference between just managing waste (repair) and recycling it. Both are independent skills and good in their own way.
• mustacheemperor 3y ago
  My partner and I recently watched an old episode of the Simpsons where a plot point is Homer attempting to repair the toaster and creating a time machine. It was taken as completely normal that you’d assume anyone would repair their toaster if it stopped working. Made me realize it’s been a long time since it would seem reasonable to self repair any home appliance.
  • birdyrooster 3y ago
    Nowadays we play The Sims to get that experience.
    • paulryanrogers 3y ago
      With Sims 5+ you may have to wait for the home improvement expansion, or the kitchen appliances DLC, or both sadly.
• reginaldo 3y ago
  Both the article and your "gift as a burden" remark reminded me of Walden: "I had three pieces of limestone on my desk, but I was terrified to find that they required to be dusted daily, when the furniture of my mind was all undusted still, and I threw them out the window in disgust."
  • gumby 3y ago
    I liked a lot of things he had to say but I could never get out of my mind that his mother sent the housemaid over every week to tidy up.
    • stickfigure 3y ago
      A housemaid every other week is a great life hack, especially if you're married.
• NikolaNovak 3y ago
  This behaviour can end up being pathological and counterproductive. It drives my wife INSANE that... I have nice brand new pair of shoes from 5 years ago I never ever wear, because I refuse to put wear on them and instead use the cheap shoes from 8 years ago. Same with shirts and sweaters - the nice ones she bought me over last few years are waiting in the closet until my old shirts and sweaters die - and some are getting close to 20yo. Nothing wrong with it, as such. But it's not always rational behaviour either - more of a left-over compulsion from leaner time (I come from eastern europe and then 2 years of civil war). As for people repairing anything - much as I love his writing, I disagree with Heinlein's "specialization is for insects". I can help a friend with computer or fix our network. There's weird things I can do like watches and whatnots. There's any number of things I can do well. But I'm probably better off doing the thing I do well, getting paid for it, and then in turn paying plumber or electrician or mechanic for things they do well. If fixing a car or your washing machine makes sense or is your hobby / pasttime, brilliant. But sometimes it doesn't, and it's OK to keep the circle of life/economy going :).
  • tlarkworthy 3y ago
    I fix lots of things and there is no experience like doing something, there is also this weird cross-pollination thing going where knowledge acquired in one domain helps you in another. So while I am well aware that most of my repair jobs are net negative in terms of actual material value generation for me, the gradual increase in my capabilities in many different domains ends up helping me even in my chosen specialisation. By this point I am just generally at an advanced beginner stage of anything after some basic research (which I have naturally becomes quite good at). There is also a skin in the game effect that even a paid random plumber is not actually that invested in doing a good job and, while you cannot compete in terms of speed of executing a fix, or possession of special tools, you can compete - and exceed - on final quality simply because you really care about the final outcome.
    • eric-hu 3y ago
      One thing to add is that if you value the learning from trying a repair job, doing it on a problem in front of you is close to free. Taking a class would cost money.
• annoyingnoob 3y ago
  I grew up in a DIY house too. We worked on everything, every thing. I had given up doing my own auto maintenance for a number of years. I picked it up again this year. Auto Shop hourly rates are more than mine and I can do it myself, already have the tools.
• thrashh 3y ago
  I don’t think there is a right call. You just have to live the life that you’ve been handed and the adapt accordingly. It’d suck if no one knew how to repair anything, but it’d also suck if everyone repaired everything all the time. But we have both and it makes society a little more vibrant. That said, I repair some things and don’t others. “Is it worth my time?” is what I ask, and not purely from a financial dimension — also from an enjoyment aspect.
• sangnoir 3y ago
  > The consequence is that I really dread buying things and have no ability to make an impulse purchase. Having also grown up with limited means, I am deliberate about purchases. Unlike you however the lesson I learned growing up was that I don't need to buy "the best" of flashiest item, because that often was out of our reach. > It also shocks me that so many people don't know how to repair anything I hate wasting money on new "toys" (things I don't need but enjoy), and I also enjoy repairing stuff. My solution to both is buying Thrift store or garage sale electronics, perform repairs if necessary, put them to use and sell them off when I acquire a better replacement.
• robocat 3y ago
  > A gift also feels like a burden has been handed to me Many people selfishly give obligations as gifts - often small things where the purpose is to be a placeholder for remembering them. also see https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tchotchke https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tchotchke Personally I try to give consumable items or give experiences (that are high quality or rare or have other specialness) I recently bought 27kg of good bush honey, and have been giving it to friends - but aiming for zero social obligation: so far everyone has been very happy to get some - but it is really good honey and there are colds going around at the moment (winter in New Zealand)
  • paulryanrogers 3y ago
    Does honey actually help with illness? Except perhaps for moderate anti-bacterial effects of certain strains of honey.
    • robocat 3y ago
      No idea. But friends seem to think so, so they are happy!
• escapedmoose 3y ago
  Do you have any advice on making the repairing process less painful? I’ve learned to repair things here and there: home, auto, woodwork, sewing, etc. and so I’ll make a repair purely out of the sense of obligation not to create waste. But I haaaaaate it. Every minute that I’m performing a repair, I’m bored to death. My brain is screaming at me to find any alternative occupation. I wind up spending the whole repair time drinking and/or distracting myself with podcasts to make the experience suck less, but then my results take a hit. You would think that the gradual accumulation of skills is something I would find satisfying, but I can’t see the process as anything but a chore. Does anybody have advice on how to cope with this in a healthier manner?
  • sokoloff 3y ago
    I love doing DIY work (more precisely, I love saving money on it and being more in control over the repairs; I don't find the repair work terrible). If you really hate it and can afford not to, just don't do it. If you have to justify it somehow, find something else productive to do and use the money or savings from that to offset that you aren't fixing your car or whatever.
• jxramos 3y ago
  a friend who moved from the city to the country shared with me that folks with knowhow are more valuable in the country where there's more burden finding repair folks and coordinating logistics out in sparsely populated rural regions. In that context these skills buy you independence and some form of popularity I've heard. Reminds me of some Smarter Every Day videos where he covers farm life and the varied skill sets that benefit people in that domain.
• lannisterstark 3y ago
  >50 years later >Every purchase feels like a burden hah, I'm in my 20s but feel the same way. This tends to also happen when you grow up in a less prosperous country where you can't just purchase stuff on a whim.
• Fnoord 3y ago
  We're tight on money with 2 young kids, and we buy our clothes second hand for very little money. They're cheap and look well, even branded stuff, but its for a fraction of the new price. With your kids it makes a lot of sense. When they get older, sure you get peer pressure but also clothes will last longer.