4 ms·

Unrelated note, but I feel like the concept of "networking", in general, is something that introverts have come up with to explain/emulate something that extrov

Unrelated note, but I feel like the concept of "networking", in general, is something that introverts have come up with to explain/emulate something that extroverts do naturally, and since the behaviors of networking aren't a natural priority for introverts, the efforts are doomed to fail. What I mean by this is: introverts will observe extroverts and think, "hmm, what are they doing that makes them successful?" and see that the extroverts are getting opportunities and advice and recommendations through their circle of acquaintances, and think "wow, if I do that I'll be successful", and thus try to optimize directly for the result (i.e. meeting important people and maintaining "relationships" with them) instead of the things that lead to the result (i.e. enjoying meeting and hanging out with random people). From my informal observations in grad school, a lot of introverts' attempts to "network" end up being disasters where they gather people's contact information, make an odd attempt at "maintaining" a connection with people out of thin air, and the relationship eventually fades away. My grad school actually tried "teaching" networking to us, and I haven't met anyone for whom this approach worked, because I don't think it's possible to teach a personality trait. On the other hand, I've observed that extroverts will make a lot of friends and naturally engage in reciprocal relationships even with acquaintances and don't really put what feels like "effort" into nurturing those relationships. This difference in priorities reflects in what "networking" looks like for these groups of people: Introvert - go to a "networking event" once in a blue moon, smile through the awkwardness, hope to connect with someone who can directly help you, collect some LinkedIns, look for the important people, send a DM or two on LinkedIn, ghosted or never talk to those people again Extrovert - go to some event, grab drinks, talk with a bunch of random people, hit it off with some people regardless of how important they are and invite them to things (e.g. going out, or for some kind of hobby) or get invited to things, hang out with new friend/acquaintance later as previously agreed upon and maybe even bring them into your own social circle, after making many such friend/acquaintances you are now at most 2 degrees removed from someone important / who can directly help you This is all to say that if networking doesn't come "naturally", it doesn't make sense to intentionally engage in the behaviors of it, as this commits the error of optimizing for the wrong things (like getting people's contact info and hoping for a positive outcome), instead of doing what comes naturally to extroverts (i.e. just making friends without a particular aim where the friend-making is itself the positive outcome). Unfortunately, this means accepting the downside of having lower access to opportunities than extroverted peers, or pursuing different types of opportunities altogether.

the_snooze 3y ago
>On the other hand, I've observed that extroverts will make a lot of friends and naturally engage in reciprocal relationships even with acquaintances and don't really put what feels like "effort" into nurturing those relationships. To give a practical example, early in my career I had a hard time talking up people. Senior folks seemed intimidating, and junior colleagues seemed to have it easier than I did. But I found it was easier to talk to new hires as they arrived, because they didn't know a lot of people themselves. I was the more "established" person in their eyes, so I became their go-to guy for questions and advice. I then built up good connections with an increasing number of new hires, which made me the go-to guy for senior folks looking to connect with juniors. Before I knew it, I had all those reciprocal relationships and a network in which I had a strong reputation. No social gamesmanship at all.
johnnyanmac 3y ago
>This is all to say that if networking doesn't come "naturally", it doesn't make sense to intentionally engage in the behaviors of it, as this commits the error of optimizing for the wrong things instead of doing what comes naturally to extroverts I hate to say it but you may have a point here. I read the example in the article and what goes on in my head is "Do I REALLY want to go to parties just to meet friends who may or may not know a good plumber in the area?" Or worse, "Romantically involve myself in someone to get access to their friend group so maybe one of them knows a good plumber?" And I guess that's the point. This sounds like work and unnecessary effort to me, wheras it's just a "natural" side effect of something an extrovert would typically enjoy. I've always been the shopper that comes in with a list and doesn't waiver unless I genuinely forgot to list something I intended to. I guess that mentality isn't the best in networking unless I myself am valuable.
- burnished 3y ago
  You could try being the kind of person people want favor/approval from by providing some kind of service instead? Organizing some sort of event could be good if you can find a good fit for your interests - you'll be doing a thing that you want or working to accomplish something important to you and it'll naturally provide opportunities for beneficial social interactions. Or something else - I think you can avoid the antiutility of transparently socializing as a means to an ends by identifying a situation where your purpose is aligned with your intention, and the socialization is a bonus.

the_snooze 3y ago

>On the other hand, I've observed that extroverts will make a lot of friends and naturally engage in reciprocal relationships even with acquaintances and don't really put what feels like "effort" into nurturing those relationships. To give a practical example, early in my career I had a hard time talking up people. Senior folks seemed intimidating, and junior colleagues seemed to have it easier than I did. But I found it was easier to talk to new hires as they arrived, because they didn't know a lot of people themselves. I was the more "established" person in their eyes, so I became their go-to guy for questions and advice. I then built up good connections with an increasing number of new hires, which made me the go-to guy for senior folks looking to connect with juniors. Before I knew it, I had all those reciprocal relationships and a network in which I had a strong reputation. No social gamesmanship at all.

johnnyanmac 3y ago

>This is all to say that if networking doesn't come "naturally", it doesn't make sense to intentionally engage in the behaviors of it, as this commits the error of optimizing for the wrong things instead of doing what comes naturally to extroverts I hate to say it but you may have a point here. I read the example in the article and what goes on in my head is "Do I REALLY want to go to parties just to meet friends who may or may not know a good plumber in the area?" Or worse, "Romantically involve myself in someone to get access to their friend group so maybe one of them knows a good plumber?" And I guess that's the point. This sounds like work and unnecessary effort to me, wheras it's just a "natural" side effect of something an extrovert would typically enjoy. I've always been the shopper that comes in with a list and doesn't waiver unless I genuinely forgot to list something I intended to. I guess that mentality isn't the best in networking unless I myself am valuable.

burnished 3y ago
You could try being the kind of person people want favor/approval from by providing some kind of service instead? Organizing some sort of event could be good if you can find a good fit for your interests - you'll be doing a thing that you want or working to accomplish something important to you and it'll naturally provide opportunities for beneficial social interactions. Or something else - I think you can avoid the antiutility of transparently socializing as a means to an ends by identifying a situation where your purpose is aligned with your intention, and the socialization is a bonus.