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This doesn't match my experience at all. In my experience, in most adult heterosexual long-term relationships it's usually the female partner who is insisting o

by sho_hn 3y ago

This doesn't match my experience at all. In my experience, in most adult heterosexual long-term relationships it's usually the female partner who is insisting on long-term planning, financial planning, avoiding frivolous purchases, etc. and are happy if men don't start conflicts over this. Your exaggerated example basically screams "husband material".

scarmig 3y ago
Like most traits, I think men have a higher variance in focus on long-term planning than women do. Men are disproportionately both people who don't plan for the next paycheck and FIRE-enthusiasts. If you look at FIRE-oriented online groups, men significantly outnumber women. I think that's what the parent is referring to. And there are fewer women (relative to men) who are willing to take a significant drop in consumption in order to e.g. max a mega Roth backdoor. So a man who saves 20% of his take home income is husband material. A man who saves 80% of his take home income is a weirdo man child who needs to grow up and act like a "normal" person. Every female partner I've had (except my current one) has pushed me to scale up our consumption and save less.
- mensetmanusman 3y ago
  Women who do this have told me it can sometimes be about 'trying to live life before it is too late'.
  - scarmig 3y ago
    Sure. But I'd argue that's an overly narrow view of trying to live life: living life is about being present in shared experiences with your friends and loved ones, not status-focused consumption. Otherwise non-rich people would be doomed to misery, which isn't the case.
    - worrycue 3y ago
      Life is also about experiencing things (presumably as much things as possible) ... which cost money unfortunately. So it's not necessarily about status.
dahwolf 3y ago
Women are the largest spenders by far, the ultimate consumers.
rngname22 3y ago
Hmm, I live in NYC and am early 30s but can only speak to my experiences here, I haven't found that earning a tech salary was impressive to anyone but I can say there are certainly a lot of women who earn high salaries who expect men they date to also spend as much as them on frequent international travel, eating out for $30-50 a head several times a week, expect to live in luxury apartments in Manhattan, etc. Whereas if I wasn't willing to do that and put my money into the bank and just live in Brooklyn and don't travel super often, my high income holds no appeal. Note that I do not think either high income or high spending are requisites to date successfully as a straight guy in NYC though. Just noting my observations on how those two factors do play in.

by sho_hn 3y ago

scarmig 3y ago

Like most traits, I think men have a higher variance in focus on long-term planning than women do. Men are disproportionately both people who don't plan for the next paycheck and FIRE-enthusiasts. If you look at FIRE-oriented online groups, men significantly outnumber women. I think that's what the parent is referring to. And there are fewer women (relative to men) who are willing to take a significant drop in consumption in order to e.g. max a mega Roth backdoor. So a man who saves 20% of his take home income is husband material. A man who saves 80% of his take home income is a weirdo man child who needs to grow up and act like a "normal" person. Every female partner I've had (except my current one) has pushed me to scale up our consumption and save less.

mensetmanusman 3y ago
Women who do this have told me it can sometimes be about 'trying to live life before it is too late'.
- scarmig 3y ago
  Sure. But I'd argue that's an overly narrow view of trying to live life: living life is about being present in shared experiences with your friends and loved ones, not status-focused consumption. Otherwise non-rich people would be doomed to misery, which isn't the case.
  - worrycue 3y ago
    Life is also about experiencing things (presumably as much things as possible) ... which cost money unfortunately. So it's not necessarily about status.

dahwolf 3y ago

Women are the largest spenders by far, the ultimate consumers.

rngname22 3y ago

Hmm, I live in NYC and am early 30s but can only speak to my experiences here, I haven't found that earning a tech salary was impressive to anyone but I can say there are certainly a lot of women who earn high salaries who expect men they date to also spend as much as them on frequent international travel, eating out for $30-50 a head several times a week, expect to live in luxury apartments in Manhattan, etc. Whereas if I wasn't willing to do that and put my money into the bank and just live in Brooklyn and don't travel super often, my high income holds no appeal. Note that I do not think either high income or high spending are requisites to date successfully as a straight guy in NYC though. Just noting my observations on how those two factors do play in.