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You can preserve connections after leaving a place or changing a relationship. Most people are capable of this. It sounds like the author was as well, since he

You can preserve connections after leaving a place or changing a relationship. Most people are capable of this. It sounds like the author was as well, since he mentions having an amicable conversation with his ex-wife after his divorce. Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Severe trauma would be something like being held in solitary confinement for months.

lm28469 3y ago
> Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Voluntary social alienation can definitely be caused by trauma, I think that's what the person your reply to implied
- marginalia_nu 3y ago
  The problem with trauma as an explanatory model is is that if you dig deep enough, pretty much anyone has had life experiences that may be characterized as traumatic. And even if you find someone who hasn't, they've clearly lead such a sheltered life that it's a sort of trauma on its own. Because of this, childhood trauma is a sort of universal explanation that will explain things even outside of psychology, everything from wheat allergy to male pattern baldness. You bet there's trauma in there somewhere causing it.
  - lm28469 3y ago
    Surely divorcing your wife, randomly moving to Thailand and telling people they should do the same to get happier isn't a normal behavior. Call it what you want
    - sledgehammers 3y ago
      Who gets to define normal though? We have one life in this crazy universe.
    - marginalia_nu 3y ago
      Normal, perhaps not. But at the same time, if you've been living your life according to what's considered normal and expected of you with no regard for your own wants and needs, then it may be healthy indeed.
      - lm28469 3y ago
        Yes there is a lot of wiggle room, but the majority of it is working on yourself, not fleeing
        marginalia_nu 3y ago
        If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, then leaving may be absolutely what you should do. You don't have to put up with relationships that aren't working.
        hayst4ck 3y ago
        > If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, The epiphany happens when you realize it's probably not the place or the people who are making you unhappy, but yourself and your beliefs. That's what "wherever you go, there you are" means. It means you can't escape your self and you have to confront who you are no matter where you physically are. This person is avoidant. That means when his wife did things rather than having an "us vs the problem" mindset, he is looking for the door. That means the woman over time will come to understand that she's not good enough, or there's an expiration on their time together. This raises the stakes for even small disagreements and creates a self fulfilling prophecy that ends the relationship. So he hurt her by not being attached, and she acted in ways that made him unhappy as a result. It was him ultimately that created his own unhappiness.
        marginalia_nu 3y ago
        You're very quick to reach for the diagnosis based on relatively little information.
    - projectazorian 3y ago
      I didn’t get the impression he divorced his wife and randomly moved to Thailand at the same time. That would perhaps be a little more extreme. Also didn’t think he was encouraging others to move to Thailand with no research, it seems like he acknowledged it was a rash decision.

lm28469 3y ago

> Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Voluntary social alienation can definitely be caused by trauma, I think that's what the person your reply to implied

marginalia_nu 3y ago
The problem with trauma as an explanatory model is is that if you dig deep enough, pretty much anyone has had life experiences that may be characterized as traumatic. And even if you find someone who hasn't, they've clearly lead such a sheltered life that it's a sort of trauma on its own. Because of this, childhood trauma is a sort of universal explanation that will explain things even outside of psychology, everything from wheat allergy to male pattern baldness. You bet there's trauma in there somewhere causing it.
- lm28469 3y ago
  Surely divorcing your wife, randomly moving to Thailand and telling people they should do the same to get happier isn't a normal behavior. Call it what you want
  - sledgehammers 3y ago
    Who gets to define normal though? We have one life in this crazy universe.
  - marginalia_nu 3y ago
    Normal, perhaps not. But at the same time, if you've been living your life according to what's considered normal and expected of you with no regard for your own wants and needs, then it may be healthy indeed.
    - lm28469 3y ago
      Yes there is a lot of wiggle room, but the majority of it is working on yourself, not fleeing
      - marginalia_nu 3y ago
        If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, then leaving may be absolutely what you should do. You don't have to put up with relationships that aren't working.
        hayst4ck 3y ago
        > If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, The epiphany happens when you realize it's probably not the place or the people who are making you unhappy, but yourself and your beliefs. That's what "wherever you go, there you are" means. It means you can't escape your self and you have to confront who you are no matter where you physically are. This person is avoidant. That means when his wife did things rather than having an "us vs the problem" mindset, he is looking for the door. That means the woman over time will come to understand that she's not good enough, or there's an expiration on their time together. This raises the stakes for even small disagreements and creates a self fulfilling prophecy that ends the relationship. So he hurt her by not being attached, and she acted in ways that made him unhappy as a result. It was him ultimately that created his own unhappiness.
        marginalia_nu 3y ago
        You're very quick to reach for the diagnosis based on relatively little information.
  - projectazorian 3y ago
    I didn’t get the impression he divorced his wife and randomly moved to Thailand at the same time. That would perhaps be a little more extreme. Also didn’t think he was encouraging others to move to Thailand with no research, it seems like he acknowledged it was a rash decision.