5 ms·

Severe trauma? Really? Didn’t see any mention of violence, sexual assault, prison time, or the like. These seem like totally prosaic life choices that more or l

Severe trauma? Really? Didn’t see any mention of violence, sexual assault, prison time, or the like. These seem like totally prosaic life choices that more or less worked out fine for him in the end. Maybe the language is a bit overwrought but that could just be to punch things up for the reader.

hayst4ck 3y ago
He was unable to make and keep connections that he found valuable enough to preserve. He wrote a post about blowing up your life and barely concentrated on the biggest reason not to, to preserve your social connections and proximity to the people you love to spend time with. I would be very surprised if this person did not have an "avoidant" attachment type. I think you underestimate how severe the trauma of feeling disconnected from other humans can be. I think the authors blog post conveys that he hasn't come to terms with the idea that "Wherever you go, there you are."
- projectazorian 3y ago
  You can preserve connections after leaving a place or changing a relationship. Most people are capable of this. It sounds like the author was as well, since he mentions having an amicable conversation with his ex-wife after his divorce. Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Severe trauma would be something like being held in solitary confinement for months.
  - lm28469 3y ago
    > Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Voluntary social alienation can definitely be caused by trauma, I think that's what the person your reply to implied
    - marginalia_nu 3y ago
      The problem with trauma as an explanatory model is is that if you dig deep enough, pretty much anyone has had life experiences that may be characterized as traumatic. And even if you find someone who hasn't, they've clearly lead such a sheltered life that it's a sort of trauma on its own. Because of this, childhood trauma is a sort of universal explanation that will explain things even outside of psychology, everything from wheat allergy to male pattern baldness. You bet there's trauma in there somewhere causing it.
      - lm28469 3y ago
        Surely divorcing your wife, randomly moving to Thailand and telling people they should do the same to get happier isn't a normal behavior. Call it what you want
        sledgehammers 3y ago
        Who gets to define normal though? We have one life in this crazy universe.
        marginalia_nu 3y ago
        Normal, perhaps not. But at the same time, if you've been living your life according to what's considered normal and expected of you with no regard for your own wants and needs, then it may be healthy indeed.
        lm28469 3y ago
        Yes there is a lot of wiggle room, but the majority of it is working on yourself, not fleeing
        marginalia_nu 3y ago
        If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, then leaving may be absolutely what you should do. You don't have to put up with relationships that aren't working.
- 93po 3y ago
  This is off topic but your original comment is from May and super old. I just wanted to say thanks for mentioning Running on Empty back then. It made me get a copy and it explained a lot for me, and I'm really grateful to have found it.

hayst4ck 3y ago

He was unable to make and keep connections that he found valuable enough to preserve. He wrote a post about blowing up your life and barely concentrated on the biggest reason not to, to preserve your social connections and proximity to the people you love to spend time with. I would be very surprised if this person did not have an "avoidant" attachment type. I think you underestimate how severe the trauma of feeling disconnected from other humans can be. I think the authors blog post conveys that he hasn't come to terms with the idea that "Wherever you go, there you are."

projectazorian 3y ago
You can preserve connections after leaving a place or changing a relationship. Most people are capable of this. It sounds like the author was as well, since he mentions having an amicable conversation with his ex-wife after his divorce. Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Severe trauma would be something like being held in solitary confinement for months.
- lm28469 3y ago
  > Social alienation is very bad, but is not severe trauma. Voluntary social alienation can definitely be caused by trauma, I think that's what the person your reply to implied
  - marginalia_nu 3y ago
    The problem with trauma as an explanatory model is is that if you dig deep enough, pretty much anyone has had life experiences that may be characterized as traumatic. And even if you find someone who hasn't, they've clearly lead such a sheltered life that it's a sort of trauma on its own. Because of this, childhood trauma is a sort of universal explanation that will explain things even outside of psychology, everything from wheat allergy to male pattern baldness. You bet there's trauma in there somewhere causing it.
    - lm28469 3y ago
      Surely divorcing your wife, randomly moving to Thailand and telling people they should do the same to get happier isn't a normal behavior. Call it what you want
      - sledgehammers 3y ago
        Who gets to define normal though? We have one life in this crazy universe.
      - marginalia_nu 3y ago
        Normal, perhaps not. But at the same time, if you've been living your life according to what's considered normal and expected of you with no regard for your own wants and needs, then it may be healthy indeed.
        lm28469 3y ago
        Yes there is a lot of wiggle room, but the majority of it is working on yourself, not fleeing
        marginalia_nu 3y ago
        If you're living in a place in which you are not happy, with people you don't like, then leaving may be absolutely what you should do. You don't have to put up with relationships that aren't working.
93po 3y ago
This is off topic but your original comment is from May and super old. I just wanted to say thanks for mentioning Running on Empty back then. It made me get a copy and it explained a lot for me, and I'm really grateful to have found it.