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I moved from the UK but I'm not british, so not sure how useful my experience will be to you. Since I am married and an introvert I haven't really socialized t

I moved from the UK but I'm not british, so not sure how useful my experience will be to you. Since I am married and an introvert I haven't really socialized that much since we moved. People seem pretty open although it seems to me you need to get into some kind of shared hobby to meet people (isn't that just true about making friends as an adult?). However I never had a bad experience socializing in the UK, in fact I made several good friends there.

ghaff 3y ago
>isn't that just true about making friends as an adult? For people without kids, I think that's generally true. Pretty much everyone I socialize with locally is associated with a local outdoor club. There are still people from school and professional acquaintances I keep in touch with, but that's usually not local.
bradlys 3y ago
Something that is specifically different than Europe - from what I’ve heard - is that while going out and doing social hobbies is still an excellent way to make friends… it’s not the only way to make friends in Europe. Whereas in the US, I’d say it’s about the only thing available. Third spaces are almost nonexistent in the US and spaces overall where you can just easily socialize with strangers are incredibly uncommon in the US. Go out to most any bar in places like NYC or SF and you’ll have a hard time making any new friends. The same cannot be said in Europe. While in Europe, folks would just chat me up at random whereas in the US - this has never happened. It’s a different culture and the atmosphere of most bars here is to make money off expensive drinks - not to make you happy. It’s one of the things where I find it funny how folks recommend chatting up the bartender as a way to get introduced to the regulars. Any bar I’ve gone to - the bartenders are too busy to even know anyone. I’ve got to some bars for 6+ months and ordered regularly from the exact same bartender - they didn’t know my name or even recognize me. It’s a different culture in the US. It’s capitalistic.
- ZephyrBlu 3y ago
  I'm curious whereabouts in Europe you went where people would chat to you at random?
  - bradlys 3y ago
    I went to a dozen countries last year in Europe. It was relatively easy to talk to strangers in a lot of contexts - not just bars. Even in places like Poland I was being chatted up. To be clear, I don't think I'm even a very approachable person nor am I good looking or appear rich or anything of the sort. There's just way less stranger danger outside of the US - AFAICT.
- rcarr 3y ago
  Surely this isn't true in small to medium sized towns? Perhaps in cities but you could probably say the same thing of anywhere in the world? The coffee shop/local bar where everyone knows each others name is a staple in American shows, there must be at least a grain of truth in it.
  - bradlys 3y ago
    Those shows are from 30+ years ago. TV isn’t always a semblance of real life. Do you think that everyone could relate to having a very nice home with a live in caretaker for your father, a very nice upscale and large apartment in an expensive metro, and constantly having people come to your home practically unannounced… No? Doesn’t sound like much of a real life situation for most Americans. Yet, Frasier was a huge show…
    - rcarr 3y ago
      Yes, but I would still be surprised if small towns in America don't have coffee shops, diners and bars where there are regular customers who are on first name basis with the staff. What the establishment sells might differ from location to location but the social aspect just seems to be a universal across the entire planet.
- ChuckNorris89 3y ago
  >While in Europe, folks would just chat me up at random whereas I'm European and been to several other European countries (well mostly the German speaking ones) and never been chatted up by strangers. Maybe you're only in the largest capital cities/big metro areas and are from a country that's seen as exotic over here as not many from there move here (Mexico, US, Canada, New Zeeland, etc) so the locals were curious why you're there and wanted to practice their English with you, because that never happened to me when I was a solo traveler or an immigrant here probably because I'm from a neighboring country that's known so nobody is curious. I had the exact opposite experience in the US, people would randomly chat me up or be very open when I was chatting them up, even had a fling on vacation there. So your European vacation experience doesn't really match mine at all of living here long term. People here also seem very reserved of being approached by foreigners they don't know. I mean, if you're an interesting character they might do some small talk with you to be polite and get to know you, but that's as far as the interaction goes, then they go back to their drinks/friends, they won't be your friends. These bar interactions aren't a reliable way to socialize and make friends, it's just single use superficial interactions that last the night, as explained in Fight Club. And judging by the posts on local subreddits, I'm not the only expat struggling with loneliness in the German speaking parts of Europe.

ghaff 3y ago

>isn't that just true about making friends as an adult? For people without kids, I think that's generally true. Pretty much everyone I socialize with locally is associated with a local outdoor club. There are still people from school and professional acquaintances I keep in touch with, but that's usually not local.

bradlys 3y ago

Something that is specifically different than Europe - from what I’ve heard - is that while going out and doing social hobbies is still an excellent way to make friends… it’s not the only way to make friends in Europe. Whereas in the US, I’d say it’s about the only thing available. Third spaces are almost nonexistent in the US and spaces overall where you can just easily socialize with strangers are incredibly uncommon in the US. Go out to most any bar in places like NYC or SF and you’ll have a hard time making any new friends. The same cannot be said in Europe. While in Europe, folks would just chat me up at random whereas in the US - this has never happened. It’s a different culture and the atmosphere of most bars here is to make money off expensive drinks - not to make you happy. It’s one of the things where I find it funny how folks recommend chatting up the bartender as a way to get introduced to the regulars. Any bar I’ve gone to - the bartenders are too busy to even know anyone. I’ve got to some bars for 6+ months and ordered regularly from the exact same bartender - they didn’t know my name or even recognize me. It’s a different culture in the US. It’s capitalistic.

ZephyrBlu 3y ago
I'm curious whereabouts in Europe you went where people would chat to you at random?
- bradlys 3y ago
  I went to a dozen countries last year in Europe. It was relatively easy to talk to strangers in a lot of contexts - not just bars. Even in places like Poland I was being chatted up. To be clear, I don't think I'm even a very approachable person nor am I good looking or appear rich or anything of the sort. There's just way less stranger danger outside of the US - AFAICT.
rcarr 3y ago
Surely this isn't true in small to medium sized towns? Perhaps in cities but you could probably say the same thing of anywhere in the world? The coffee shop/local bar where everyone knows each others name is a staple in American shows, there must be at least a grain of truth in it.
- bradlys 3y ago
  Those shows are from 30+ years ago. TV isn’t always a semblance of real life. Do you think that everyone could relate to having a very nice home with a live in caretaker for your father, a very nice upscale and large apartment in an expensive metro, and constantly having people come to your home practically unannounced… No? Doesn’t sound like much of a real life situation for most Americans. Yet, Frasier was a huge show…
  - rcarr 3y ago
    Yes, but I would still be surprised if small towns in America don't have coffee shops, diners and bars where there are regular customers who are on first name basis with the staff. What the establishment sells might differ from location to location but the social aspect just seems to be a universal across the entire planet.
ChuckNorris89 3y ago
>While in Europe, folks would just chat me up at random whereas I'm European and been to several other European countries (well mostly the German speaking ones) and never been chatted up by strangers. Maybe you're only in the largest capital cities/big metro areas and are from a country that's seen as exotic over here as not many from there move here (Mexico, US, Canada, New Zeeland, etc) so the locals were curious why you're there and wanted to practice their English with you, because that never happened to me when I was a solo traveler or an immigrant here probably because I'm from a neighboring country that's known so nobody is curious. I had the exact opposite experience in the US, people would randomly chat me up or be very open when I was chatting them up, even had a fling on vacation there. So your European vacation experience doesn't really match mine at all of living here long term. People here also seem very reserved of being approached by foreigners they don't know. I mean, if you're an interesting character they might do some small talk with you to be polite and get to know you, but that's as far as the interaction goes, then they go back to their drinks/friends, they won't be your friends. These bar interactions aren't a reliable way to socialize and make friends, it's just single use superficial interactions that last the night, as explained in Fight Club. And judging by the posts on local subreddits, I'm not the only expat struggling with loneliness in the German speaking parts of Europe.