3 ms·

I tried for a long time to have a “better” memory but have eventually come to terms than mine is, at least empirically, worse than most, regarding personal expe

by LVB 3y ago

I tried for a long time to have a “better” memory but have eventually come to terms than mine is, at least empirically, worse than most, regarding personal experiences. My behavior has changed as a result. As one example, I collect few pictures. The reason is that they can be a source of frustration to see scenes and people you have no recollection of but are apparently part of. e.g., I spent 12 days in London with a friend a number of years ago but have no memory of the trip. The piles of photos of me there are the only clue. And we apparently did a lot of things with others on that trip, but who are they? This can be even more upsetting to my wife when she’ll be discussing some special event, or something with the kids, and I’m like, “sorry, I don’t have anything to add bc I don’t remember it at all.” Hell, I barely remember our wedding. The upside is that I’m one of the most “live in the present” people you’ll meet, without a lot of comparison to how things used to be, this is so much worse, etc. And those cringey things, and painful things, … they fade remarkable quickly. After some mortifying foot-in-mouth event I tell myself, “the edge will be off this by tomorrow, and you’ll probably forget it completely by next week”, and things are better!

gdevenyi 3y ago
Sounds like you have deficient autobiographical memory. Psychology discovered this was a thing only in the last 10 years. I have the same experience. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181112-severely-deficient-autobiographical-memory-is-surprisi https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181112-severely-deficie...
haswell 3y ago
You’ve described my experience pretty accurately. At some point I also realized that I have Aphantasia, and I’ve wondered how much of a role this plays. When I do recall something, it’s never visual, and this lack of fidelity seems to play a big part in the richness of the memory. It also seems to allow painful memories to fade more quickly, and I’ve long suspected this is related to CPTSD but in any case, it seems like a blessing and a curse. I’m the opposite when it comes to photos though. I took up photography and journal about moments I want to remember. I do remember feeling unnerved by photos I don’t remember early on, but with time, this changed into something closer to periodic reminders that I’ve lived some great moments, even if those moments don’t make it into my everyday consciousness.
GordonS 3y ago
Huh, I have the same thing. My wife also gets upset about it sometimes too, and occasionally angry - but I can't help it! There are events that I simply have no recollection of at all. Sometimes, if I'm promoted with photos and anecdotes, I think I remember it just a little... but it's so tenuous that I'm not sure if I'm just convincing myself.
toast0 3y ago
> Hell, I barely remember our wedding. I have a generally good memory, but a whole lot of stuff happened at the wedding, and it was a long day and a late night. I remember bits and pieces here and there, but I remember a lot more about the planning and preparation than of the event itself.
comice 3y ago
yeah my autobiographical memory is like this, but I still remember bugs in software I fixed 20 years ago. I did feel bad about not remembering these things as I thought it was me not paying enough attention to my life, but recently realised that's not really true - was helpful to read that it's a recognised thing (and particularly affects autobiographical memory). A bit sad, but as you say, I think I live in the moment and I'm generally quite happy. I don't remember many of those cringey and painful things (whereas my partner has well above-average autobiographical memory and is always replacing those cringey moments in her head). I still take photos and enjoy looking at them, to see all the fun stuff I've done :)
maximus-decimus 3y ago
Do you feel like it only affects your personal memories or also your memory about facts? Like did you find studying for school hard or was that unaffected?
- drowsspa 3y ago
  Not OP, but at least for me remembering random facts is much easier than remembering what happens in my own personal life. So I never found memory to be an issue when studying.
- LVB 3y ago
  I find studying and remembering technical information pretty straightforward, and I’d say I’m actually good at it if I think about my work life. Synthesizing lots of disparate (sometimes old) data is something folks say I do well. When I introspect about this I feel like because these things are discrete, they’re easier to place into a category, or relate to some other fact. But experiences are a mass of sensory and emotional “data” that doesn’t cleanly get associated. Or that’s at least how it feels. Somewhat related is how the whole “memory palace” techniques fail completely for me. I can barely come up with the outlandish visuals, and even if I do, I don’t remember what they are, so it’s a useless system for me.
cableshaft 3y ago
I have something similar, albeit maybe not quite as bad as you. Most of my far past is just vague sweeping notions or basic facts of what happened, and a still mental image here and there, and whatever I recorded in my journals and old chat logs and forum posts when I reread them. Which is what I'd recommend to you, if you'd like to have some of that memory. I go through phases where I'm a lot better about journaling my life as it's happening, and I tend to remember those more easily (or go 'oh yeah!' when I reread them). But I also like taking pictures to help me remember, which it sounds like you explicitly don't. I've been using the vacation we just got back from yesterday to get back into the habit of writing a journal, and I still need to write up the last few days, and will need to soon because it will fade fast. I thought that other people had much better memories than I did, because they always were able to tell such great stories. But I rarely tell my own stories, meanwhile some of these people that seem to have great stories I hang out with them and realize they're telling the same stories over and over again, to just about everyone they meet. I suspect the telling of those stories so many times is helping keep those memories alive. If you don't share them somewhere (at least to a journal), the memories wither and die. Unless you're someone with a photographic memory, of course.

by LVB 3y ago

gdevenyi 3y ago

Sounds like you have deficient autobiographical memory. Psychology discovered this was a thing only in the last 10 years. I have the same experience. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181112-severely-deficient-autobiographical-memory-is-surprisi https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20181112-severely-deficie...

haswell 3y ago

You’ve described my experience pretty accurately. At some point I also realized that I have Aphantasia, and I’ve wondered how much of a role this plays. When I do recall something, it’s never visual, and this lack of fidelity seems to play a big part in the richness of the memory. It also seems to allow painful memories to fade more quickly, and I’ve long suspected this is related to CPTSD but in any case, it seems like a blessing and a curse. I’m the opposite when it comes to photos though. I took up photography and journal about moments I want to remember. I do remember feeling unnerved by photos I don’t remember early on, but with time, this changed into something closer to periodic reminders that I’ve lived some great moments, even if those moments don’t make it into my everyday consciousness.

GordonS 3y ago

Huh, I have the same thing. My wife also gets upset about it sometimes too, and occasionally angry - but I can't help it! There are events that I simply have no recollection of at all. Sometimes, if I'm promoted with photos and anecdotes, I think I remember it just a little... but it's so tenuous that I'm not sure if I'm just convincing myself.

toast0 3y ago

> Hell, I barely remember our wedding. I have a generally good memory, but a whole lot of stuff happened at the wedding, and it was a long day and a late night. I remember bits and pieces here and there, but I remember a lot more about the planning and preparation than of the event itself.

comice 3y ago

yeah my autobiographical memory is like this, but I still remember bugs in software I fixed 20 years ago. I did feel bad about not remembering these things as I thought it was me not paying enough attention to my life, but recently realised that's not really true - was helpful to read that it's a recognised thing (and particularly affects autobiographical memory). A bit sad, but as you say, I think I live in the moment and I'm generally quite happy. I don't remember many of those cringey and painful things (whereas my partner has well above-average autobiographical memory and is always replacing those cringey moments in her head). I still take photos and enjoy looking at them, to see all the fun stuff I've done :)

maximus-decimus 3y ago

Do you feel like it only affects your personal memories or also your memory about facts? Like did you find studying for school hard or was that unaffected?

drowsspa 3y ago
Not OP, but at least for me remembering random facts is much easier than remembering what happens in my own personal life. So I never found memory to be an issue when studying.
LVB 3y ago
I find studying and remembering technical information pretty straightforward, and I’d say I’m actually good at it if I think about my work life. Synthesizing lots of disparate (sometimes old) data is something folks say I do well. When I introspect about this I feel like because these things are discrete, they’re easier to place into a category, or relate to some other fact. But experiences are a mass of sensory and emotional “data” that doesn’t cleanly get associated. Or that’s at least how it feels. Somewhat related is how the whole “memory palace” techniques fail completely for me. I can barely come up with the outlandish visuals, and even if I do, I don’t remember what they are, so it’s a useless system for me.

cableshaft 3y ago

I have something similar, albeit maybe not quite as bad as you. Most of my far past is just vague sweeping notions or basic facts of what happened, and a still mental image here and there, and whatever I recorded in my journals and old chat logs and forum posts when I reread them. Which is what I'd recommend to you, if you'd like to have some of that memory. I go through phases where I'm a lot better about journaling my life as it's happening, and I tend to remember those more easily (or go 'oh yeah!' when I reread them). But I also like taking pictures to help me remember, which it sounds like you explicitly don't. I've been using the vacation we just got back from yesterday to get back into the habit of writing a journal, and I still need to write up the last few days, and will need to soon because it will fade fast. I thought that other people had much better memories than I did, because they always were able to tell such great stories. But I rarely tell my own stories, meanwhile some of these people that seem to have great stories I hang out with them and realize they're telling the same stories over and over again, to just about everyone they meet. I suspect the telling of those stories so many times is helping keep those memories alive. If you don't share them somewhere (at least to a journal), the memories wither and die. Unless you're someone with a photographic memory, of course.