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> Not for any weird anti-child reason, just that it's something that probably should be thought through and considered more than trying out a hobby. I'm not su

> Not for any weird anti-child reason, just that it's something that probably should be thought through and considered more than trying out a hobby. I'm not sure there is any basis to this statement. It seems prudent but otherwise unfounded. Only a relative minority of parents report regret at having had kids (<10%)[0]. Of those 10% many probably did consider it extensively, and even if they regret it it does not mean there was any likelihood they wouldn't have kids anyways. Put another way, regret does not mean they were not desperate to have kids before they realised they would regret it. It's incredibly complex gaining insight about these kind of major life altering decisions.. especially because it's clear people change once they have kids. I see no reason to think about having children more deeply than just deciding you will try. Getting pregnant unexpectedly is it's only can of worms especially as access to abortion is at the whims of government. Not to mention pregnancy and labour suck. [0] https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/head-games/201909/what-parents-regret-about-having-children https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/head-games/201909/wh...

kimixa 3y ago
I think the underlying question is to see if regret (or other difficulties like financial hardship or things that require a state actor to intervene) are correlated with planning and consideration. Measuring that is the difficulty. And as that article state - that "less than 10%" number is coming from a population where it is taboo to admit to regret. People have been shown to be economical with the truth on otherwise anonymous surveys - [0] is a humorous example, so how much that may skew the results would likely need to be looked in to. And that's just the responders who know they're replying inaccurately - with such cultural pressure, they may not admit to themselves - there's lots of examples where people deceive themselves about how they feel about things that may go against society's grain at their time. Introspection is really hard. So I'd see that number as a lower bound, not necessarily accurate. EDIT: Additionally the cost - 7% of artists not reaching their ambitions is sad, but 7% of children being unloved and resented is a tragedy. [0] https://www.iflscience.com/men-cant-be-trusted-to-measure-their-own-penis-size-study-finds-68278 https://www.iflscience.com/men-cant-be-trusted-to-measure-th...
- psychphysic 3y ago
  Great link and mostly agree. I do question if we can assume any correlation between "regret" and being unloved. Again it would be highly taboo to state you don't love your child. But I suspect regret does not lead to open resentment or a child feeling unloved. There are plenty enough cases of parents/step-parents going so far as to kill a child through regret. I suspect many do "love" the child ironically. Because it's a personal subjective experience, at least you can get a tape measure out for a wiener. I suppose I regret much of my life and current career trajectory but somehow I wouldn't change it for the world because I love so much about it!
- Kiro 3y ago
  > 7% of artists not reaching their ambitions is sad I know it's irrelevant to your point but I'm sure 99.999% of artists do not even come close to their ambitions. I don't find it sad at all. It's like being sad you don't win the lottery.

kimixa 3y ago

I think the underlying question is to see if regret (or other difficulties like financial hardship or things that require a state actor to intervene) are correlated with planning and consideration. Measuring that is the difficulty. And as that article state - that "less than 10%" number is coming from a population where it is taboo to admit to regret. People have been shown to be economical with the truth on otherwise anonymous surveys - [0] is a humorous example, so how much that may skew the results would likely need to be looked in to. And that's just the responders who know they're replying inaccurately - with such cultural pressure, they may not admit to themselves - there's lots of examples where people deceive themselves about how they feel about things that may go against society's grain at their time. Introspection is really hard. So I'd see that number as a lower bound, not necessarily accurate. EDIT: Additionally the cost - 7% of artists not reaching their ambitions is sad, but 7% of children being unloved and resented is a tragedy. [0] https://www.iflscience.com/men-cant-be-trusted-to-measure-their-own-penis-size-study-finds-68278 https://www.iflscience.com/men-cant-be-trusted-to-measure-th...

psychphysic 3y ago
Great link and mostly agree. I do question if we can assume any correlation between "regret" and being unloved. Again it would be highly taboo to state you don't love your child. But I suspect regret does not lead to open resentment or a child feeling unloved. There are plenty enough cases of parents/step-parents going so far as to kill a child through regret. I suspect many do "love" the child ironically. Because it's a personal subjective experience, at least you can get a tape measure out for a wiener. I suppose I regret much of my life and current career trajectory but somehow I wouldn't change it for the world because I love so much about it!
Kiro 3y ago
> 7% of artists not reaching their ambitions is sad I know it's irrelevant to your point but I'm sure 99.999% of artists do not even come close to their ambitions. I don't find it sad at all. It's like being sad you don't win the lottery.